2 years later I am back.

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InSearchOfPeople

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It's been a while since I posted on this forum.

Something went wrong with my password and then I was so determined to overcome my loneliness, that I decided not to dwell on it here. And yet after all the efforts I am back again.

In these 2 years of absence from this forum, I've been up and down. I dug up some reasons as to why I often feel inadequate and want to share them here. May be it will help others or may be I can get some insight or a fresh look from you guys.

My main reason is my unhealthy family. My dad abandoned me when I was 11. I reconnected with him 4 years ago and still there is no love or care or I don't even feel like he perceives me as one of his children (thought I look like him the most out of all). My mom is a narcissistic manipulative selfish mother who sees me only as her extension or a means to fulfilling her narcissistic needs (it took me a very long time to figure this one out, since I was raised to never question your mother and love her unconditionally).

Also I've tried some ADHD meds, and those actually completely threw me off balance. They messed up the chemical balance in my neurotransmitters, where my brain wasn't (probably still isn't) producing enough dopamine and serotonin. I would never knew how important those things are to feel ok. You just feel blue out of nowhere and nothing seems to help.

So I even had somewhat like a boyfriend. It didn't go well.

I got 2 roommates.

One of them I got a few days ago. It's a guy. I guess I just feel super disappointed. I often listen to Les Brown. He always says to keep OQP - only quality people around you, those that are smarter, uplifting, positive and etc.
This guy, my new roommate seemed like it from messaging when we were talking before him coming here. When he came, I was disappointed, he is nothing like this in person. He is needy, negative, narrow minded and I don't enjoy his company much. 

That right there brought me back on here. I feel like I put too much hopes into this friendship, that didn't turn out like I expected. 

I just don't want to be here. Everybody around seems to depend on me and expect some decisions from me: my mom, my dad, my roommates, my boss (if I want to keep working here) and etc. and there is no one I can turn to for an advice or support.

The bottom line is I simply don't have support group. My mom was never that safe base that a woman supposed to provide to her daughter, I was always expected to take care of her since very young age. And who is going to take care of me??? When??
 
Hi Insearchofpeople

Welcome back to the forum, I am also back after a few years hiatus. I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I've had a a lot of trouble with my mother, she use to be very emotionally abusive.

I tired going on Adderall and it made me pull my hair out really bad, so I got off that.

I don't know if we can provide the support group you need, but we'll lend you an ear when you need rant or get things off your mind :)

Sounds like people depend on you because you're a strong and capable person.

Have you tried talking with a therapist or a psychiatrist to get your neurotransmitters back to normal?

If I may quote Winstion Churchill " IF your going through hell, keep going" Keep on keeping on, you can do it. As for outlets have you tried walking listening to music, or even coloring? Those can be good stress relievers.

I hope things get better for you, until then hang in there, you can do it :)
 
evanescencefan912 said:
Hi Insearchofpeople

Welcome back to the forum, I am also back after a few years hiatus. I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time.  I've had a a lot of trouble with my mother, she use to be very emotionally abusive.

I tired going on Adderall and it made me pull my hair out really bad, so I got off that.

I don't know if we can provide the support group you need, but we'll lend you an ear when you need rant or get things off your mind  :)

Sounds like people depend on you because you're a strong and capable person.

Have you tried talking with a therapist or a psychiatrist to get your neurotransmitters back to normal?

If I may quote Winstion Churchill " IF your going through hell, keep going"  Keep on keeping on, you can do it.  As for outlets have you tried walking listening to music, or even coloring?  Those can be good stress relievers.

I hope things get better for you, until then hang in there, you can do it :)
[quote pid='846147' dateline='1499995339']

Thank you evanescencefan912,

your response means a lot to me. My regular doctor prescribe bromocriptine to help with dopamine levels, plus I am taking some supplements. I seem to feel better than before.

I think adderral got me messed up in the first place considering my circumstances. 

I am strong and capable. But when do I get to be weak and lean on someone? And there is no one to lean on, even my parents are never there for me when I need it.

I try to go to the gym regularly, it helps with neurotransmitters and good feeling overall. Today I feel under the weather or got a little cold I guess, so it's hard to get myself together to go there. 

Still, I am planning to go even if just for a little while. 

Check this out. I texted a "friend" who sometimes I go with to the gym. Her response was "can't go today, me and X (someone I know as well) partied too much yesterday". And every time is like that with her.

She enjoys telling me stories of how her and other people I know or not go out and have fun and I AM NEVER INVITED. It's like she gets a huge satisfaction from not inviting me first and then rubbing it into my face, that I am always excluded.

I asked a couple time why couldn't she invite me, and she always mumbles something like "oh I thought you were working" with a smirk on her face.

I am often puzzled about her, if I should cut her off completely. But then again, at least she goes to the gym with me sometimes...

[/quote]
 
Hi there, welcome back! ^_^ My recommendation: Cut her off cause she seems like an unnice person to be around all in all, one that doesn't care about seeing you happy, stop answering when people want things from you, just ignore them, care about yourself. Try speaking to a curator/counselor (not sure if it's the right word) if possible just to have someone you in turn can complain to. In case you want to, also consider checking out the chat room to talk to people that won't demand things from you XD
And most importantly, you aren't here to cater to other ones and to clean up their messes. You are here on the same terms as everyone else.
 
Meaw said:
Hi there, welcome back! ^_^ My recommendation: Cut her off cause she seems like an unnice person to be around all in all, one that doesn't care about seeing you happy, stop answering when people want things from you, just ignore them, care about yourself. Try speaking to a curator/counselor (not sure if it's the right word) if possible just to have someone you in turn can complain to. In case you want to, also consider checking out the chat room to talk to people that won't demand things from you XD
And most importantly, you aren't here to cater to other ones and to clean up their messes. You are here on the same terms as everyone else.

Thank you Meaw, it's just so warming to have you and other ones on here, who cares.... thank you
 
" somewhat like a boyfriend"

Hehe.
That's like having a boyfriend with a sawn off arm.
 

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