InSearchOfPeople
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- Joined
- Jul 14, 2014
- Messages
- 90
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It's been a while since I posted on this forum.
Something went wrong with my password and then I was so determined to overcome my loneliness, that I decided not to dwell on it here. And yet after all the efforts I am back again.
In these 2 years of absence from this forum, I've been up and down. I dug up some reasons as to why I often feel inadequate and want to share them here. May be it will help others or may be I can get some insight or a fresh look from you guys.
My main reason is my unhealthy family. My dad abandoned me when I was 11. I reconnected with him 4 years ago and still there is no love or care or I don't even feel like he perceives me as one of his children (thought I look like him the most out of all). My mom is a narcissistic manipulative selfish mother who sees me only as her extension or a means to fulfilling her narcissistic needs (it took me a very long time to figure this one out, since I was raised to never question your mother and love her unconditionally).
Also I've tried some ADHD meds, and those actually completely threw me off balance. They messed up the chemical balance in my neurotransmitters, where my brain wasn't (probably still isn't) producing enough dopamine and serotonin. I would never knew how important those things are to feel ok. You just feel blue out of nowhere and nothing seems to help.
So I even had somewhat like a boyfriend. It didn't go well.
I got 2 roommates.
One of them I got a few days ago. It's a guy. I guess I just feel super disappointed. I often listen to Les Brown. He always says to keep OQP - only quality people around you, those that are smarter, uplifting, positive and etc.
This guy, my new roommate seemed like it from messaging when we were talking before him coming here. When he came, I was disappointed, he is nothing like this in person. He is needy, negative, narrow minded and I don't enjoy his company much.
That right there brought me back on here. I feel like I put too much hopes into this friendship, that didn't turn out like I expected.
I just don't want to be here. Everybody around seems to depend on me and expect some decisions from me: my mom, my dad, my roommates, my boss (if I want to keep working here) and etc. and there is no one I can turn to for an advice or support.
The bottom line is I simply don't have support group. My mom was never that safe base that a woman supposed to provide to her daughter, I was always expected to take care of her since very young age. And who is going to take care of me??? When??
Something went wrong with my password and then I was so determined to overcome my loneliness, that I decided not to dwell on it here. And yet after all the efforts I am back again.
In these 2 years of absence from this forum, I've been up and down. I dug up some reasons as to why I often feel inadequate and want to share them here. May be it will help others or may be I can get some insight or a fresh look from you guys.
My main reason is my unhealthy family. My dad abandoned me when I was 11. I reconnected with him 4 years ago and still there is no love or care or I don't even feel like he perceives me as one of his children (thought I look like him the most out of all). My mom is a narcissistic manipulative selfish mother who sees me only as her extension or a means to fulfilling her narcissistic needs (it took me a very long time to figure this one out, since I was raised to never question your mother and love her unconditionally).
Also I've tried some ADHD meds, and those actually completely threw me off balance. They messed up the chemical balance in my neurotransmitters, where my brain wasn't (probably still isn't) producing enough dopamine and serotonin. I would never knew how important those things are to feel ok. You just feel blue out of nowhere and nothing seems to help.
So I even had somewhat like a boyfriend. It didn't go well.
I got 2 roommates.
One of them I got a few days ago. It's a guy. I guess I just feel super disappointed. I often listen to Les Brown. He always says to keep OQP - only quality people around you, those that are smarter, uplifting, positive and etc.
This guy, my new roommate seemed like it from messaging when we were talking before him coming here. When he came, I was disappointed, he is nothing like this in person. He is needy, negative, narrow minded and I don't enjoy his company much.
That right there brought me back on here. I feel like I put too much hopes into this friendship, that didn't turn out like I expected.
I just don't want to be here. Everybody around seems to depend on me and expect some decisions from me: my mom, my dad, my roommates, my boss (if I want to keep working here) and etc. and there is no one I can turn to for an advice or support.
The bottom line is I simply don't have support group. My mom was never that safe base that a woman supposed to provide to her daughter, I was always expected to take care of her since very young age. And who is going to take care of me??? When??