Friends are hard to find.

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
True dat... especially when you don't really go anywhere and you also don't even  try talking to new people :D
 
Soleon said:
I have to admit- as a comparatively young kid not even out of high school who has issues making friends despite being surrounded by similarly-aged people every day, it's pretty worrisome seeing adults talk about having issues making friends.

does it really get that much worse?

Well, if I may be inspirational, it also gets better.
I believe it depends on experiences and luck, in equal parts. I was way more stuck inside and shy when I was in early high school, but I met people from whom I learned to come out of my shell. Sometimes too much so.
But it's something you can work on. The first thing you need to do is learn to face your fear, however. Fear of approaching someone. Fear is a part of the reason many people don't try to self improve; fear of ridiculousness, fear of disappointement, etc. Whatever you fear, you need to try and ignore it sometimes and move forward.

Of course, it can get worse. But often, it also gets better, if you really try to develop it. I don't have many friends, but the ones I do have I'd stake my life on. That's difficult to find and I had to face my fear to learn to obtain that.
 
Tealeaf said:
I think that's how it is with age. I've been told to "just go out there", and even between work, volunteer work, and a class, I did not make new friends.

People who are used to making friends and in a good environment for doing so tend to underestimate how fickle it really is. People need to be exposed to each other regularly and have some common ground, and lifestyles and schedules that fit together...

I've made good friends over games I play regularly, but finding people in the same stage of life, with similar values and activities, is not so easy. Many people at my age are busy parents and focused on careers with little time to bond with new people purely for friendship.


That was the only advice my family ever gave me. "Just get out and do it, it'll happen", not knowing I wasn't them, didn't think like them, and it never helped me through phases like anxiety or being down. They would just tell me what worked for them 'them', never caring to really listen to what was going on with me.

Being introverted is greatly misunderstood, I feel. I knew a massive extroverted guy who claimed to be so worldly and well versed in people, yet until he met me, he had no idea what the word "introvert" even meant. And everyone in his worldview was exactly like him; he thought I was psycho since he never met anyone like that.
And I was without a lot of experience at the time too, so it only came off even more extreme.

It's easier said than done to just "do it"; it's not that simple. And I feel there's a reason people who prefer these things stick even harder to their hobbies; 1. it's the best place for them to make friends and be themselves, and 2. They've tried to just "do it" and it didn't work, so they retreated even harder back into them.

Talk about a paradox. I can see their good intentions with such statements, but it only winds up having the opposite most times.
 
I agree with you. Especially if you are lonely you don't have a network to start with. So where to start? I like many hear have tried courses, classes and work but find that once these things end, the friendships fizzle out. Not for lack of trying on my part. But i guess people loose interest or they are not interested in making friends, their lives are already full.

Its hard and exhausting.

Tealeaf said:
I think that's how it is with age. I've been told to "just go out there", and even between work, volunteer work, and a class, I did not make new friends.

People who are used to making friends and in a good environment for doing so tend to underestimate how fickle it really is. People need to be exposed to each other regularly and have some common ground, and lifestyles and schedules that fit together...

I've made good friends over games I play regularly, but finding people in the same stage of life, with similar values and activities, is not so easy. Many people at my age are busy parents and focused on careers with little time to bond with new people purely for friendship.

Tealeaf you make a good point about regular exposure. The problems with clubs, volunteering, courses and classes is that they aren't commitments, people come and go or they end. So the exposure is brief.

I'm not saying people can't make friends this way, but when you are lonely it is harder. I think with loneliness can come depression, with depression can come lack of energy and its hard to keep going and remain positive. Very easy to isolate.

I've pretty much given up on making friends, especially long term ones.
 
[font=arial, sans-serif][font=arial, sans-serif]I believe that people exaggerate the value of friendship. Because all relationships are mutually beneficial, that's all. That's the whole point.[/font]
[/font]
[font=arial, sans-serif][font=arial, sans-serif]So friendship is a means of survival, because the most truthful thing about friendship was voiced in True Detective.[/font]

[/font]
 
This is a pretty relatable thread. I'd say it's especially hard to make friends in your 20s from my experience since everybody's busy, and focusing on their own needs which can be pretty hard to accept for someone who values close friendships. I am 25 now, and the only friend I have is a co-worker at my job, but other than that though I have no other friends. My co-worker is in his mid-40s, and he mostly has acquaintances, but barely any real friends (only one other besides me) which goes to show that it's not something that improves, especially since people are busy with their families, or other responsibilities at that age also.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people also have a very superficial idea of what friendship is. They can't tell the difference between an acquaintanceship, and a friendship, and think that they are one, and the same.
Since we develop our personalities as we grow, we may also outgrow certain friendships too. I used to have a best friend who was pretty me me me oriented, but as I built up self-esteem I started to find his self-centered personality irritating, so I avoided contact with him as a result.
 
It's easy to make internet friends if you play a MMORPG, but I wouldn't play one solely for the purpose of making internet friends.

And I consider internet friends to be real friends if they are good friends. Some people might say they're fake friends, but I disagree.
 
Friends aré EASY to find, promises aren't easy to keep.

I've fall short for lack of commitment.
 
Yes having an intimate quality friendship that will last is really hard to find. Not those "friendships" when you just talk because you're lonely.

Talking to someone because you need something VS when you actually want to talk to them because you're genuinely interested in them is a big difference.... and my friend that I'm genuinely interested in doesn't seem to initiate conversation or anything with me anymore or says she's busy (well actually she IS busy because being a chef is nuts).... but yet has pictures of other people she's hanging out with on Facebook. But maybe they're her work mates though...

I mean I suppose I haven't initiated conversation with her in a while either but the few last times I have nothing much was said so I'm just resistant to try again because I don't want to be clingy......
 
Anything worth keeping always was difficult... Have you given up?


Oh!

I forgot mentioning this: love or attention aren't to be begged.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top