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Friends are hard to find.
#21
True dat... especially when you don't really go anywhere and you also don't even  try talking to new people Big Grin
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#22
(03-05-2018, 05:35 AM)Soleon Wrote: I have to admit- as a comparatively young kid not even out of high school who has issues making friends despite being surrounded by similarly-aged people every day, it's pretty worrisome seeing adults talk about having issues making friends.

does it really get that much worse?

Well, if I may be inspirational, it also gets better.
I believe it depends on experiences and luck, in equal parts. I was way more stuck inside and shy when I was in early high school, but I met people from whom I learned to come out of my shell. Sometimes too much so.
But it's something you can work on. The first thing you need to do is learn to face your fear, however. Fear of approaching someone. Fear is a part of the reason many people don't try to self improve; fear of ridiculousness, fear of disappointement, etc. Whatever you fear, you need to try and ignore it sometimes and move forward.

Of course, it can get worse. But often, it also gets better, if you really try to develop it. I don't have many friends, but the ones I do have I'd stake my life on. That's difficult to find and I had to face my fear to learn to obtain that.
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#23
I don't think I've ever had a real friend.
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#24
(07-22-2017, 04:28 AM)Tealeaf Wrote: I think that's how it is with age. I've been told to "just go out there", and even between work, volunteer work, and a class, I did not make new friends.

People who are used to making friends and in a good environment for doing so tend to underestimate how fickle it really is. People need to be exposed to each other regularly and have some common ground, and lifestyles and schedules that fit together...

I've made good friends over games I play regularly, but finding people in the same stage of life, with similar values and activities, is not so easy. Many people at my age are busy parents and focused on careers with little time to bond with new people purely for friendship.


That was the only advice my family ever gave me. "Just get out and do it, it'll happen", not knowing I wasn't them, didn't think like them, and it never helped me through phases like anxiety or being down. They would just tell me what worked for them 'them', never caring to really listen to what was going on with me.

Being introverted is greatly misunderstood, I feel. I knew a massive extroverted guy who claimed to be so worldly and well versed in people, yet until he met me, he had no idea what the word "introvert" even meant. And everyone in his worldview was exactly like him; he thought I was psycho since he never met anyone like that.
And I was without a lot of experience at the time too, so it only came off even more extreme.

It's easier said than done to just "do it"; it's not that simple. And I feel there's a reason people who prefer these things stick even harder to their hobbies; 1. it's the best place for them to make friends and be themselves, and 2. They've tried to just "do it" and it didn't work, so they retreated even harder back into them.

Talk about a paradox. I can see their good intentions with such statements, but it only winds up having the opposite most times.
[Image: giphy.gif]
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#25
I agree with you. Especially if you are lonely you don't have a network to start with. So where to start? I like many hear have tried courses, classes and work but find that once these things end, the friendships fizzle out. Not for lack of trying on my part. But i guess people loose interest or they are not interested in making friends, their lives are already full.

Its hard and exhausting.

(07-22-2017, 04:28 AM)Tealeaf Wrote: I think that's how it is with age. I've been told to "just go out there", and even between work, volunteer work, and a class, I did not make new friends.

People who are used to making friends and in a good environment for doing so tend to underestimate how fickle it really is. People need to be exposed to each other regularly and have some common ground, and lifestyles and schedules that fit together...

I've made good friends over games I play regularly, but finding people in the same stage of life, with similar values and activities, is not so easy. Many people at my age are busy parents and focused on careers with little time to bond with new people purely for friendship.

Tealeaf you make a good point about regular exposure. The problems with clubs, volunteering, courses and classes is that they aren't commitments, people come and go or they end. So the exposure is brief.

I'm not saying people can't make friends this way, but when you are lonely it is harder. I think with loneliness can come depression, with depression can come lack of energy and its hard to keep going and remain positive. Very easy to isolate.

I've pretty much given up on making friends, especially long term ones.
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#26
I believe that people exaggerate the value of friendship. Because all relationships are mutually beneficial, that's all. That's the whole point.
So friendship is a means of survival, because the most truthful thing about friendship was voiced in True Detective.

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