Failure in Life

Turning 29 this December single and no kids always wanted a gf in my life since i was 5 or 6 never got one till now, i grew up thinking money is what is needed to have a gf so during my teen days i accepted the fact that i dont have gf because i dont have money fast forward with life at age 21 i got a full time job guess what i started doing entertaining women with the money i get from work just to get that approval loving feel i started taking girls from work out to eat and buy them things some of them had kids too at first i was loving what i was doing because i am so naive until i met another girl at work who completely used me while she had bf i spent so much money sometimes she would just tell me to wire money using moneygram i was able to estimate money sent as i always get email confirmation whenever i send her money  
for last 2 years here is the summary

i did 177 transactions of moneygram and western union transfer (between 2014-2016)

average fee for money sent less than $50  is $5.99= 1060.23 

$8850 average given via moneygram and western union

misc cash and other credit card 2000 spent

it sad how lonely and miserable i am that i ended exposed myself to buy love who to blame myself? or my up bringing

You arent sad or miserable. We all pay one way or the other in the end. My friends are always amazed at how much extra money they have when they are single.

I wouldnt spend so much on someone im not in a relationship with though.

Just be careful next time. Make sure you are getting something in return for the money next time.

I'm so sorry to hear you were used like this. But - I agree with Kamya. You aren't "sad". Generosity isn't a "sad or miserable" thing. You were trying to find a loving relationship, and trying to show them how much you care. It's not a bad thing, but yes - you have to be a little more careful when choosing the relationship you invest in.

I wish you the best of luck.

@Kamya & @deas Thank you for showing me the positive side of myself yes i was trying to find a loving relationship and trying to show them how much i care u comprehended so perfectly for me as that was exactly what i was doing i have given up dating or even talking to anyone i may find someone attractive but when trying to approach them i get the flashback about what has happen to me in the past and i assume its going to be same cycle that includes talking to her and next thing is she will either ask for money or needing a favor.

p.s i never got anything in return for the money sad but true spent more than 2 years giving money and care to a girl and her kids that i never got intimate with her ever.

end of the day this world is not meant for Naive

Thanks allot hearing my problem i cant open up to anyone in person as its huge embarrassment telling anyone so i came here and vent out in an online forum where most of people share their problems

tdi200 said:

@Kamya & @deas Thank you for showing me the positive side of myself  yes i was trying to find a loving relationship and trying to show  them how much i care u comprehended so perfectly for me as that was exactly what i was doing i have given up dating or even talking to anyone i may find someone attractive but when trying to approach them i get the flashback about what has happen to me in the past and i assume its going to be same cycle that includes talking to her and next thing is she will either ask for money or needing a favor.

p.s i never got anything in return for the money sad but true spent more than 2 years giving money and care to a girl and her kids that i never got intimate with her ever.

end of the day this world is not meant for Naive

Thanks allot hearing my problem i cant open up to anyone in person as its huge embarrassment telling anyone so i came here and vent out in an online forum where most of people share their problems

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Untrue. I did something similar, though I didn't go all out like you did. My advice is to not take it in quite that way; you made a mistake, you probably figure money = love, but in reality, it has nothing to do with it if it's pure. Next time you meet someone, take your time. Even talk about this event as part of the "getting to know her better" period and explain your fears. You'll find that a lot of people have made similar mistakes.

"Naive" isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'd trade a little naivety right now. It's also a part of what makes you unique as a person and that, eventually, will be a strenght, not a weakness.

Just don't give up. Giving up just means the bad guys win, bro.

Take care.

Richard,
Giving up is the only option left bro considering cycle has been the same since 2009 almost 8 years seeking for love but atleast you know where i am coming from as there was a time u did something similar to what i was doing!

tdi200 said:

Richard,
Giving up is the only option left bro considering cycle has been the same since 2009 almost 8 years seeking for love but atleast you know where i am coming from as there was a time u did something similar to what i was doing!

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I carried on, dude ;-)
Like I said, don't give up. Just don't start throwing all your cash. Learn to say no. Little baby steps, it ain't a race ;-)
You'll eventually find someone who will understand this, but giving up will not make your life any more happy. Trust me on that too, especially these days, there's a ton of honeysuckle I want to give up right now, I'm almost speaking against myself here. But the thing is, when I had that particular experience that cost me an arm and a leg and a half for a girl, I decided I was never going to do THAT again. Not ever going to date again ;-)
And I'm glad I did. I met some special, different people. I acted differently. I learned. I GREW.
That's what you gotta do man. You have to renter another romantic situation and see that you can do things differently. That you can grow. That not everyone is the same and that you can learn from your mistakes and trust someone. It's hard sometimes, it's long, it's downright shitty, but you can make it happen.
And I can tell you...kids are a pain in the ass. Even when it's not their faults.

Good luck

Also just want to clarify I didnt mean get sex out of the money.

I meant make sure she does things for you too. Give and take. It shouldnt just always be one-sided.

I also have a bit of the flashback symptoms. Any time I get close to a woman I get a certain feeling in my stomach and I'm just waiting for the inevitable pattern that I know so well to emerge. (and it always does eventually) The same behavior, excuses, lies, etc. In my experience it always ends the same.

Kamya,
i know you didnt mean get sex out of money i was just stating that fact ; besides giving out so much money i didnt even get NOTHING at all, its sad to say there is not a single thing she ever gifted me even on my birthdays,

I think Flashback symptoms will be a part of our life am glad its not only me getting that kind of feeling in their stomach i am so good with it like i can 100% predict the same behavior about to happen.

Most importantly i am so thankful to this forum that is so understanding and willing to share life experience instead of judging one

Richard,
Thank you for encouragement i will try not to give up i am still healing learning to say no is so hard but i am getting there like u said its not a race, i am trying my best to grow by reentering another romantic situation with more caution .

Yes i agree kids are a pain in the ass luckily i do not have any thank you again and please be in touch