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My pathetic life so far
#1
Sorry if this becomes a huge "tl;dr", but allow me to share my whole story.

I never thought in my life that I would be on a forum about this stuff, but here I am.

Throughout high school, it's been bad luck. With pretty much everything:
- Grew up in a small school filled with anti-social personalities
- Extremely frequent times or unlucky situations that prevented me from being successful with most of my grades
- Bad anxiety (mixed with bad Hyperhidrosis)
- Depression that I never talked about or explained to anybody in person (which I understand is unhealthy, but I still did/do it anyway)
- Really sudden Cystic/severe acne into grade 9 and the end of grade 10
And
- Never having the opportunity to have a regular social life (and never having a girlfriend).


My bad anxiety throughout my first three years in high school made it really hard for me to have a social life.
My parents split in my freshman year, but my mother didn't move into her own place until my sophomore year (she lived at her father's place until he had passed away and it was time to sell the house). 
My first high school (grade 9-10) had the people and culture there to make it feel like a bad inner city school, despite it being a new modern school. The only real group of friends I had were my ones that came from elementary, and a small handful of new ones. My bad anxiety and self-conscious, alongside this school's social pressures, made me delete all my social media (which I really regret doing now) and I haven't really talked to anybody from there since. 
After my brother got into really bad online drama with a bad group of kids there, and my mother beginning to move, I was forced to change schools with him to another school in a different town.

Joining this new high school in grade 11, I literally knew nobody there. Not a single person. And it was really hard to make any friends, let alone find a girlfriend. 

Especially changing schools that late, nobody is really looking for a new friend to make when everybody has established their own group of friends. There were no social groups, the whole grade was kind of one; Nerdy or socialite, everybody was generally rich and already knew each other since it was a small town. Almost everyone hung out with everyone. 
This made it really hard to find new people to fit in with, because nobody cared that I was the new guy. They cared about themselves, their already made friends, their girlfriends, and their cars. I made only some acquaintances, but even they never really became friendships because of my lack of social media and laziness, and the ones I did become close friends with were one grade above me and have now graduated.

To top it all off, my frequent and uncontrollable anxiety, combined with my hyperhidrosis, made it awkward meeting new people at all.
It's not that I'm socially awkward or ugly at all, I just have these defaults that come with me that I can't control, and I get these shitty hands life keeps dealing my way, and it all just sucks.

The one opportunity I thought I would blossom socially and find a girlfriend, just completely blown away from outside forces and my weird innate disorders.

I am now going into my senior year with the loneliest summer I've ever had, in the shittiest state I've been so far, where I will be lonely, and will most likely leave highschool a virgin. I understand adulthood is something to worry about as well, so that's another thing to add to my list.
Am I going to live my life like this forever? A depressed, anxious, jobless, excessively sweating, self conscious cretin? 
All of this puts me in a dark cycle; an abyss. I can't get it off my mind at all. My brain just adds more problems and I never stop thinking. I guess the best thing is to just let it all out on here.



Sorry for the damn novel I wrote, I just wanted to get all of this off my chest. Thank you if you read the whole thing btw.


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#2
Welcome Smile

(08-04-2017, 06:49 PM)Funny Wrote: I am now going into my senior year with the loneliest summer I've ever had, in the shittiest state I've been so far, where I will be lonely, and will most likely leave highschool a virgin. I understand adulthood is something to worry about as well, so there's something to add to the list.
Am I going to live my life like this forever? A depressed, anxious, jobless, excessively sweating, self conscious cretin? 
All of this puts me in a dark cycle; an abyss. I can't get it off my mind at all. My brain just adds more problems and I never stop thinking.

Don't worry. I'm 31 and still lonely. Toungue So you can take a lot more loneliness than that and eventually adapt to it. Smile

Okay, this aside. Jobless? You aren't even out of school yet, so early to worry about it. Smile

Anxiety is a concern. I don't know, what can be done in medical terms, but mentally perhaps the best solution is to just live your own life in your own way, even if it means being alone. What I mean is taking pressure off from what the society expects, and then just mind your own business and do the things you like to do.
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#3
No you don't have to live life like this forever. A lot of your woes are from causes that other people did and from still following in your family's paths. Focus on what you yourself are able to control like the anxiety and developing social skills and locating a paying occupation you're good enough at and can be contented with doing.
Your life's qualities will derive a lot more from what you choose to do than it will from what other people do to you.
Burn the past.  Turn the page, start a new chapter.  Move on.

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#4
welcome Smile
you don't have to feel that way cuz you have left everything to do in your life.once you complete you study you will be able to do good job and then you will be stable.
whatever is going on your mind you can get rid of those bad feelings,once you start talking.and you will feel better .*hug*Smile
If you want to talk ,just p.m me Smile
bye
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#5
HelloSmile

I'm in the same situation as yours.  

I have been alienated myself from people to spend more time with myself to find the problem and improve myself. I restarted everything in my life. It takes courage, discipline and time. 

I don't rush things. I fix my problems one at the time. 

And yeah, mental strength required. And luckily, mental strength is a skill, so you can always improve yourself. 

I failed a lot though. Things don't usually go smoothly. 

But it doesn't matter much for me. I've improved. 

I don't really know why this all sounds so cheesy but it's kinda what I did. 

I hope the post will help you see that you can always improve yourself. And your life.  

Good luckWink

And also for me, my past is my present and my future.

If I change the present, I change the future. If it's an habit that I want to master, I'll do it everyday, and that will change my future. Those moments will be in the past and therefore I can change my past.
That's just how I think to cope with the fact that I can't change what I did, to let of the past and have hope in the future. And I just really hate my past, so I do whatever I can to not repeat my past, my mistakes. I don't want to live in it again.
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#6
Not that I'm competing, but I was bullied relentlessly throughout high school. Kept to myself through college. Never had any friends or girlfriends. But what gets me by are the little things like my favorite movies or pastimes like writing. What are you passionate about? Where do you find solace?
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#7
All of what you wrote is to be taken seriously, but something that bothers me 
is that you may feel that in our culture you have to apologize for actually being articulate
instead of hasty and shallow.  Be proud of being able to be coherent and complete, unlike many
your age.

It will not make you feel any better, but there are some realities here:

First, no matter how bad things are for you, they are worse for someone else.
There are people who seem ok on the surface, but very much are not.  
So, give some extra thought to how you compare things.
Some people are able to feel better by helping others.  
I don't think I have to explain the dozens of ways you might do that.

Second, the odds are against you.   They are against most people.
You can read the statistics for yourself.  Happiness and success are fairly rare, 
and a lot of factors go into how just a few do achieve those things.  Many of those
factors will always be out of your control.

Third,  you mention wanting a girlfriend a couple times and graduating as a virgin.
I think I really do understand, but I can only tell you from being much older that 
although things can go well, dealing with females of any age is playing with 
dynamite.  There is not space and time here to go into how much pain and 
disaster is possible, even at your age, especially when sex becomes involved.

I'm not saying you should not want a girlfriend, only that you need to learn a LOT 
about this before you do it.


Fourth, it is impossible to believe in the moment, but frequently things do change with 
time.   Sometimes there can even be improvement.    A lot of sex goes on at college, for example.
If  you are patient and then don't act like an idiot, you might end up pretty happy pretty soon.


Fifth,  how do you define friendship?   As life goes on you may find that there really
isn't anyone you can rely upon but yourself when things get really bad.   And chances are 
there will be bad in periods of your life.

One of the few things you can sort of depend upon is money.  Money can do a lot of things and
if you hide it, it can be there when you really need it and your "friends" won't be there.
Im not talking about having a nice car or stupid shit like that.

I'm talking about hiding a bank account and a credit card so that if you get busted for something 
you can make bail, or if you get a girl pregnant you can pay for an abortion.  I'm talking about being 
able to hire someone to beat the shit out of a bully at school who won't leave you alone.  I'm talking about
being able to punch your boss in the face and survive for a year until you can get a new job.

One trouble with friends and a girlfriend is you want to tell them the truth.
This is like handing someone a loaded gun.
NEVER tell anyone all the things about you, EVER.

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