i just found myself googling "easy ways to kill myself".
Figured it would be better to write myself off here instead of indulging in those thoughts.
long story short: I cant stand myself, and it feels like other people cant either. I moved to a new city for a new job 3 years ago, excited to start over fresh and find new friend as the ones i had in the old city never contacted me or asked me to hang out, but here i am 3 years later thinking about death on a friday.
theres a lot running through my head currently, mostly me wondering why i am uncapable of forming meaningful lasting friendships. Every single person i have ever called a friend has somewhat dissapeared from my life, but keeps in contact with people that was part of the old friendship group (meaning, im the only one not being contacted)
at work, ive slowly come to realise that nobody actually asks to spend time with me. Nobody asks if i want to eat lunch or do anything after work or nothing of the sorts, but the new person thats worked there for 3 months already has a designated lunch group, people they go to drink beers with and etc.
It hurts to always be on the sideline of real friendship, it really hurts knowing that the person i call my best friend wont come up for my 25th birthday because they didnt care enough to book tickets, it hurts seeing posts about how peoples BFF did some amazing thing for them and that theyre so ever grateful.
is it me?
sorry for chaotic post
Figured it would be better to write myself off here instead of indulging in those thoughts.
long story short: I cant stand myself, and it feels like other people cant either. I moved to a new city for a new job 3 years ago, excited to start over fresh and find new friend as the ones i had in the old city never contacted me or asked me to hang out, but here i am 3 years later thinking about death on a friday.
theres a lot running through my head currently, mostly me wondering why i am uncapable of forming meaningful lasting friendships. Every single person i have ever called a friend has somewhat dissapeared from my life, but keeps in contact with people that was part of the old friendship group (meaning, im the only one not being contacted)
at work, ive slowly come to realise that nobody actually asks to spend time with me. Nobody asks if i want to eat lunch or do anything after work or nothing of the sorts, but the new person thats worked there for 3 months already has a designated lunch group, people they go to drink beers with and etc.
It hurts to always be on the sideline of real friendship, it really hurts knowing that the person i call my best friend wont come up for my 25th birthday because they didnt care enough to book tickets, it hurts seeing posts about how peoples BFF did some amazing thing for them and that theyre so ever grateful.
is it me?
sorry for chaotic post