Weak and lost .

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

MiguelMS

Active member
Joined
Apr 18, 2017
Messages
32
Reaction score
0
I never had a solid social life therefore my ability meeting people is limited in comparison with others. I would like to receive advices on how where when to approach girls taking into account that I am a solitary young man.
I consider myself attractive( in terms of physique and personality) but way out of touch with everyone , particularly girls.
I'm curious to know if anyone here experience some sort of empitness squirming inside at the idea of wasted teenage years. I am 19 but very well could be 90 judguing by how nostalgic I am about something didn't even happen to me , that is , any form of teenage social life.
You'll  expect by hearing adults talking about their youth years, that period of life to be priceless , full of joy and passion while I sit quietly trying to erode the shame I carry from those very years.
I feel  weak , lost and immature about all of it . I probably should seek help from a psychologist but that is not an option right now.
 
Do you have any hobbies or interests? Your best bet might be trying to find clubs or groups that share those interests, that way you will be able to focus on the task and talk to others about it.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Do you have any hobbies or interests?  Your best bet might be trying to find clubs or groups that share those interests, that way you will be able to focus on the task and talk to others about it.

Yes. Literature , cinema , philosophy ... I also like simple things like go for a walk , go to the beach . ..
Nothing special.
There are no clubs for anything like that in my area at least,  people of my age wouldn't join them anyway.
 
Do you have a library where you live? Sometimes they have book clubs. It probably wouldn't be out of the question to suggest starting one. Check into that. Have you checked Meetup? If you haven't, try that, if you have, why not start your own group?

Personally, I think you would have more luck not focusing so much on GIRLS your own age, but just getting the socializing skills a little better. Even if you meet up with older people or even guys your own age, chances are good they probably know some girls your age, so that could also be your way in.
 
Hello, this is my first post, and I haven't been on this site but for a short while.

Yeah, I can relate to the emptiness.  I'm a 42 year old male now.
I had NO life in school.  From kindergarten to high school.  It got worse the older I got, and further I went up in grades.
Oddly, unlike you, I didn't realize it until I was in my mid 30's.......how much I'd terribly missed compared to "average" people.  
It bugs me, it bugs me a lot.  Right this minute it upsets me how much I missed, and continue to miss.
  
I haven't changed, and I'm writing this from a small class C RV parked on the side of my house.  (I rent my house out because I have no need for so much space......).  It's a lonely life, and it gets lonelier by the day.  It's a self imposed prison, I know, but it's just the way I am.

So, don't be like me!  I'm going to say what everyone else says.  Force yourself to go out and put yourself out there.  I roll my eyes when people say this, but I know it's true inside.  The sooner you can change the behaviour, the sooner changes will come about in life.  I've never changed........and neither has my life.  It makes sense.  

I'm going to misquote, or say it wrong, but the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
If you want different results, you have to change the behaviour.  It's so simple to say.
I personally can't say I've seen it happen, it's just that it's such a logical solution..........

I am 6' tall, have a six pack, mountain bike all of the time, work at a busy grocery store assisting very attractive women daily, and have been alone since 2013.  People that meet me always tell me I'm a very nice person, and need to go out more.  I'm certainly no "looker", but I think? I'm acceptable looking, lol. 
For some reason it just doesn't work for me.  
I wish I could have changed then, and I know it's not too late..........it just isn't happening.
So now I spend time thinking about how I wasted my teens......
and how I wasted my twenties.....
and how I wasted my thirties.....
and how I'm wasting my forties......

Don't be like me.

Something I noticed when I used to work construction is that a lot of people over think things (me when it comes to social situations) when it comes to work.  I would just start a job with no hesitation.......and all of the bugs would work themselves out.  
Seriously, I'd say to my crew, "Either it's going to work out, or it's not.".  The bottom line is we're going to start doing it instead of thinking about it.
I think that's how some people are so good at dating.  They just do, they don't over think it.  If it works, it works, if not, screw it.
It was an experience, and you'll be smarter from it regardless.
Just jump in, get wet, the water is freezing at first, it stings, and it's uncomfortable........five minutes later it's a relaxing realm of tranquility..........enjoy it until your skin wrinkles and you get cramps.

Well, if any of that works for you, let me know.
I think it's a load of crap!

Best of luck brother.
 
MiguelMS said:
I never had a solid social life therefore my ability meeting people is limited in comparison with others. I would like to receive advices on how where when to approach girls taking into account that I am a solitary young man.
I consider myself attractive( in terms of physique and personality) but way out of touch with everyone , particularly girls.
I'm curious to know if anyone here experience some sort of empitness squirming inside at the idea of wasted teenage years. I am 19 but very well could be 90 judguing by how nostalgic I am about something didn't even happen to me , that is , any form of teenage social life.
You'll  expect by hearing adults talking about their youth years, that period of life to be priceless , full of joy and passion while I sit quietly trying to erode the shame I carry from those very years.
I feel  weak , lost and immature about all of it . I probably should seek help from a psychologist but that is not an option right now.

Wow you've got lots of golden advice here, be sure to put them to use :)

Anywho, if you want to know where to approach girls- All I can say is, they are everywhere. The problem isn't the location but it's in you. I think you know this as well. So to rectify this issue, you gotta learn to understand social dynamics. How communication with people works. 

BUT, truth is, most of the things that hinders us while socializing with others, actually stem from within ourselves. Our own mental battles, thoughts which would then translate into behavior and words that we speak.

If you want to focus on tackling the social problem, as what Callie said, don't focus on just girls.

However if you ask me, you should tackle the main issue itself, which is the problem within you.

That means don't focus on others. Focus on yourself.

Personally, I used to have EXTREME social anxiety to the point where I would avoid people, avoid eye contact and when people do talk to me (Especially girls), I'd tend to give one word responses. It wasn't a good time for me lol!

Eventually, through many trial and errors plus constant look at myself to find ways to improve upon, I came through for myself and now, my SA isn't so bad anymore. Some people are even surprised that I used to have SA. Victory for me! XD

So as you can see, I conquered my social issue mainly by tackling on my internal issues. You can, however, speed up the whole process by reading up on social dynamics. Find out why and how conversation flows. Learn what would tend to bring a smile to faces and what is the potential conversation killer.

If you want to learn more, I'd be happy to share some of what I've learned with you so feel free to pm me, yeah? :)

Either way, I hope this helped and seriously, the advices given by the others are really useful. I know those words would've helped me back then when I had that SA problem so heed them if you can!

Stay chirpy yo ;)
 
Well thank you very much to everyone. They are all good advices indeed.
I think I know more or less what I have to do now.
The key will be to find the strenght that I desperetly need to keep pushing myself over given the fact that faulire is inevitable.
My problem is that I am a mess and lack the energy to put everything in order. But your replies have given me that fresh air needed.
Thanks.
 
MiguelMS said:
I never had a solid social life therefore my ability meeting people is limited in comparison with others. I would like to receive advices on how where when to approach girls taking into account that I am a solitary young man.
I consider myself attractive( in terms of physique and personality) but way out of touch with everyone , particularly girls.
I'm curious to know if anyone here experience some sort of empitness squirming inside at the idea of wasted teenage years. I am 19 but very well could be 90 judguing by how nostalgic I am about something didn't even happen to me , that is , any form of teenage social life.
You'll  expect by hearing adults talking about their youth years, that period of life to be priceless , full of joy and passion while I sit quietly trying to erode the shame I carry from those very years.
I feel  weak , lost and immature about all of it . I probably should seek help from a psychologist but that is not an option right now.

Feeling lost at 19 is difficult, not knowing what I wanted to do with my life after high school, led to a time of anguish, confusion and depression.   I don't know if you have read any of the Narnia series of books written by CS Lewis, he said,   God whispers to us in our pleasures...but shouts [to us] in our pain.   Recently I read this verse:  Call to me Me and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things which you do not know.  I don’t know if you have a faith system, but believing in God has made all the difference in the world.  Perhaps you will find this  article helpful.  
 

Latest posts

Back
Top