Chronic People-pleaser (Am I making the right choices?)

Hey again -

So, I'm headed back to college to finish the last year and a half (roughly) of my bachelor's degree. My parents are making me, since they won't allow me to move out and "I need to do something with my life" (even though I have a full-time job). I've made myself okay with it, even though I'm apprehensive - not thrilled about adding like 10k more to my student debt, transferring to a school I've never even visited, and quitting a job that fits me well and I've grown to love.

To be clear, it is a direction I want to go. I'm going from a general religious studies degree to counseling, which is more specialized. Once I graduate, I plan to work a class or two at a time at my masters, while I work on paying off my debt. The end goal is something along the lines of social services or social work in any capacity. I want to work with teens.

I also have many other interests though, and I don't have complete peace about this or going back to school. The plan I've just listed is something I'm thought through in the last 5 weeks since my parents decided I needed to go. I also have huge artistic interests in film, theater, and music. I'm afraid of making the wrong decision and spending my life in the wrong place and career. My parents say its just because I'm scared of taking the jump and going back into things. Also, that I need a practical job to support a family, and that the liberal arts are not practical. I'm a chronic people-pleaser, and at this point I think I'm just trying to convince myself its the right decision because I don't want to upset them and rock the boat. 

Any thoughts/advice?

Your parents are right about the liberal arts degree.

Counseling/Social work isn't much better though tbh. Unless you plan on getting a masters or phd you won't stand out and there will be a ton of competition for those kinds of jobs. So instead of a year and a half and 10k it'll be more like 3-4 more years and many thousands before you can actually find a "practical" job.

Imo either way you are making the wrong decisions. But what do I know =P. Ten years from now you'll be somewhere doing something. The more I live the more I realize that honeysuckle doesn't really matter that much what you do. It's not worth stressing a ton about. In my opinion either way the degree isn't going to help very much. I'd think hard about the realities of trying to pay off that debt with a BA religious studies/ counseling degree at least. Just do what you wanna do though.

I think that you might as well complete the degree and get the credential, if you are that close. Otherwise you have no degree AND the debt, so at least with the degree you'll have something. I do feel like a specialized degree is better than a general one, but even having one at all, you'll at least qualify for jobs that list a degree as a requirement just as a barrier to entry.

I understand your desire to be creative though since I'm the same way, and I'm not much interested in the practical world. Building better mousetraps, it's just "eh" to me. It's always frustrated me that we kind of have to be, and it's made me feel like a sort of prisoner, while everyone is so quick to say that we're free. I feel that if that freedom only results in misery or worse, I don't think it's true freedom. But I guess it doesn't matter.

I feel like the best way, looking back, is to have a "safety" interest which is practical, and the thing you major in. And you can minor in your true interests, if they are different from the safety. That way you can do something practical to get money and pursue your dreams at the same time until the dream can take over. If I could do it all over again that's what I'd do (even though I majored in something practical, myself - I'd pick something more specific than general). It sounds like you know what you're doing if you're going for your Master's though, so I hope it will work out. Life's weird - on the one hand, they say don't be a people-pleaser, be confident, this and that. And yet, we find that we need to people-please just to survive sometimes. It's a world of contradiction.

You are just like my younger sister. And your parents, sound like ours.

So our parents said that they didn't care what we did as long as we got the piece of paper at the end and then got a job with the piece of paper. They said that, but what they meant was, you are going to go to the local college and get degree in health care.

When I decided to go a different route and go to a different school and become a teacher, they were pissed. And it sucked because I always wanted to do what mom and dad wanted, I lived my entire life just to hear the words "I'm proud of you." It was extremely painful and hard to go against what they wanted, but when I moved out, got my degree, got a job, and could function as an adult, it was like my decision I made against their wishes never existed.

My sister is going through the same thing now, but at least she has one person that has her back emotionally. Me. She has an associate's degree in culinary arts, but had the epiphany that I am never going to make enough to had the life I want unless I run a restaurant. Which is not what she wants to do. So, she is going back to school to go into forensic science (.....going from baking to dead bodies....okay). My parents kinda have a WTF idea about the whole thing, which was discouraging to her.

If it were me in your situation, I would finish the degree and do art on the side. To be honest, you don't HAVE to go to school for art. Several places have programs where you can learn the Arts through community programs. And really learn everything, from history to artists to actually doing the hands on art yourself. Libraries sometimes do art classes.

warrior452 said:

Hey again -

So, I'm headed back to college to finish the last year and a half (roughly) of my bachelor's degree. My parents are making me, since they won't allow me to move out and "I need to do something with my life" (even though I have a full-time job). I've made myself okay with it, even though I'm apprehensive - not thrilled about adding like 10k more to my student debt, transferring to a school I've never even visited, and quitting a job that fits me well and I've grown to love.

To be clear, it is a direction I want to go. I'm going from a general religious studies degree to counseling, which is more specialized. Once I graduate, I plan to work a class or two at a time at my masters, while I work on paying off my debt. The end goal is something along the lines of social services or social work in any capacity. I want to work with teens.

I also have many other interests though, and I don't have complete peace about this or going back to school. The plan I've just listed is something I'm thought through in the last 5 weeks since my parents decided I needed to go. I also have huge artistic interests in film, theater, and music. I'm afraid of making the wrong decision and spending my life in the wrong place and career. My parents say its just because I'm scared of taking the jump and going back into things. Also, that I need a practical job to support a family, and that the liberal arts are not practical. I'm a chronic people-pleaser, and at this point I think I'm just trying to convince myself its the right decision because I don't want to upset them and rock the boat. 

Any thoughts/advice?

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As the other fellow ALL user said- You do seem like you have a plan to follow through with already so stick to it. At least get your bachelor's cleared first eh?

As for the arts stuff. I won't lie, we're pretty similar on this sense where we study psychology to make a positive difference while at the same time, we want to work on the artistic side of us. Right now, I've quit my full time job to work on my art. It's not as simple as it sounds, of course. If you wanna know more, feel free to pm me, yeah?

But I can tell you one thing for sure, I've never been happier in my life hah! That said- You don't have to go all out like me. You can work with your career thing while doing the arts on the side too

However, there will be an issue of time. You will not have enough for it all. One solution that I've tried, which worked for me is eliminating the things that don't mean as much to me and start investing my time on only things that truly matters to me.

kamya said:

Unless you plan on getting a masters or phd you won't stand out and there will be a ton of competition for those kinds of jobs. So instead of a year and a half and 10k it'll be more like 3-4 more years and many thousands before you can actually find a "practical" job.

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This is really true. I struggled to get a job related in the field because of that lol! 

Ten years from now you'll be somewhere doing something. The more I live the more I realize that honeysuckle doesn't really matter that much what you do. It's not worth stressing a ton about.

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This really made me think about life. Hmm... Thank you for writing this

In my opinion either way the degree isn't going to help I'd think hard about the realities of trying to pay off that debt with a BA religious studies/ counseling degree at least. Just do what you wanna do though.

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I agree. One of the reasons to why I have yet to further my studies is because of the possible debts. I've had debates with my friends and families about the value of a certificate. Is it really worth that much? Is it really necessary to have? Well, that's a topic for another day lol.

Btw kamya, your signature's GIF made me laughed hard hahaha can I add it into my signature as well?

HappyBread said:

Btw kamya, your signature's GIF made me laughed hard hahaha can I add it into my signature as well?

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I don't mind. I'm sure therealcallie would like that.  :O

:club:
No that can't happen, it's kamya's. It wouldn't be right to have two of them. It will lose the super powers it possesses.

kamya said:

HappyBread said:

Btw kamya, your signature's GIF made me laughed hard hahaha can I add it into my signature as well?

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I don't mind. I'm sure therealcallie would like that.  :O

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TheRealCallie said:

:club:
No that can't happen, it's kamya's.  It wouldn't be right to have two of them.  It will lose the super powers it possesses.

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Hahaha it's okay, no need for violence XD