another "used to not being liked"

This is venting somewhat.  When I have a problem with someone, I go right to them and confront them man to man.  I will say, "I need a word with you in private." Usually this results in a heated conversation that ends good - most times but not all the time.  I tend to be blunt and that has resulted in many times, people becoming offended, hurt, or somehow becoming an enemy of mine.  It's a pattern that has followed me since childhood. I'm used to not being liked.

This f'n coworker of mine was rude over the phone, and I texted him shortly after and said, "I'd like a word with your in private. Come see me when you have time"  and guess what? He didn't come and see me.  Today that f'er showed up and pretended to be nice, said good morning when I arrived and I ignored him. Went to my office and dropped my bag off and went out to see if he was still around. He was obviously avoiding me, so I went to him. I told him I needed a few minutes and to come into the building and lets talk. He wanted to do it outside, so I went right up to him and started confronting.  He walked away, which I said, "so you're just walking away?"  He comes back with, "I'm doing my job, go do yours."  

I'm used to people disagreeing with me, not liking me..... I think I'm used to it at least.

When you say "rude" what do you mean?

morrowrd said:

This is venting somewhat.  When I have a problem with someone, I go right to them and confront them man to man.  I will say, "I need a word with you in private." Usually this results in a heated conversation that ends good - most times but not all the time.  I tend to be blunt and that has resulted in many times, people becoming offended, hurt, or somehow becoming an enemy of mine.  It's a pattern that has followed me since childhood. I'm used to not being liked.

This f'n coworker of mine was rude over the phone, and I texted him shortly after and said, "I'd like a word with your in private. Come see me when you have time"  and guess what? He didn't come and see me.  Today that f'er showed up and pretended to be nice, said good morning when I arrived and I ignored him. Went to my office and dropped my bag off and went out to see if he was still around. He was obviously avoiding me, so I went to him. I told him I needed a few minutes and to come into the building and lets talk. He wanted to do it outside, so I went right up to him and started confronting.  He walked away, which I said, "so you're just walking away?"  He comes back with, "I'm doing my job, go do yours."  

I'm used to people disagreeing with me, not liking me..... I think I'm used to it at least.

Click to expand...

I need a word with you in private

Re reading what I wrote, it really doesn't paint the real picture. Probably because it was venting while I was drinking. I guess the point of the post is really not about that particular co worker, but a pattern I tend to follow.  I am a loner, anti social, non-social, not really introverted as much as just having a negative outlook about people and lately society in general. I tend to be respectful, and dislike disrespect from others.  Thats probably why my negative views lately about society, everyone seems to be selfish, self-centered, and not respectful of the things they say...nosiness is something I've also been noticing more and more, and find that too, disrespectful.  My confronting skills aren't as polished as others, so it's easy to take me wrong sometimes. I've offended people over the years, and found out about it later and tried to go over in my mind what was said, to try to figure out how I offended them.  While I have had good luck in my love life, for some reason finding a girlfriend hasn't been really all that hard, my list of close male friends is very short. My son, my immediate co-worker, and a couple others who have moved away and facebook is our only connection.  Its discouraging at times, and I say I'm used to it.  I've grudgingly accepted who I am.  Sometimes I like who I am, other times I do not and wonder if there was something I could be doing differently that would make a difference.  Behavior patterns are something I've studied over the course of my life, mainly because of studying and reforming myself.  Working on yourself, you learn alot about other people as well.

It would be nice however, to run into someone who might have a similar life issue and what they did about it.

morrowrd said:

Re reading what I wrote, it really doesn't paint the real picture. Probably because it was venting while I was drinking. I guess the point of the post is really not about that particular co worker, but a pattern I tend to follow.  I am a loner, anti social, non-social, not really introverted as much as just having a negative outlook about people and lately society in general. I tend to be respectful, and dislike disrespect from others.  Thats probably why my negative views lately about society, everyone seems to be selfish, self-centered, and not respectful of the things they say...nosiness is something I've also been noticing more and more, and find that too, disrespectful.  My confronting skills aren't as polished as others, so it's easy to take me wrong sometimes. I've offended people over the years, and found out about it later and tried to go over in my mind what was said, to try to figure out how I offended them.  While I have had good luck in my love life, for some reason finding a girlfriend hasn't been really all that hard, my list of close male friends is very short. My son, my immediate co-worker, and a couple others who have moved away and facebook is our only connection.  Its discouraging at times, and I say I'm used to it.  I've grudgingly accepted who I am.  Sometimes I like who I am, other times I do not and wonder if there was something I could be doing differently that would make a difference.  Behavior patterns are something I've studied over the course of my life, mainly because of studying and reforming myself.  Working on yourself, you learn alot about other people as well.

It would be nice however, to run into someone who might have a similar life issue and what they did about it.

Click to expand...

Hehe, I like you ;-)
Same thing here. In fact I got into a heated argument yesterday with the human ressource girl who thinks she's God's gift to management.
I can't help much, though, because fresia 'em.
Seriously, fresia 'em. These little games between people I have no patience for, as such, I don't talk to them anymore. I spoke my piece, she poured it in, I concluded by "I'm being nice to you because I have to, FOR YOUR SAKE", because I sure as ******* hell don't feel like it right now. If you're not happy, I don't have to be nice to you, OR stay at this job for that matter. Go complain to my boss or put a sock in it" and left.
So...not exactly very pacific lol. I don't plan on speaking to her again. Beyond "Hi, hi", maybe you should do the same and not care. People are idiots.
Sorry if it doesn't help, but....that's the way I am. Probably the way you are, too. You try to be nice I'm sure, but people have a way about them. Screw 'em. They can live to regret it latter. ;-)

TheRealCallie said:

When you say "rude" what do you mean?

Click to expand...

Two phone calls about a project going on that I needed to speak to the director about - who was out for the day and this other guy was holding his phone. A sharp "what do you want" and while explaining he cuts me off and says he will have the director get back to me.  I have contractors plus my own supervisor waiting for an answer...so a half hour later after no call back, I call back and someone else answers. I ask if he heard anything from the director, and in the background I hear the first guy having a tantrum about how I didn't listen to him the first time.  So I hung up.  The director never called back, showed up the next day.

Up until now, I've had a friendly relationship with the first guy, but "talk" around the staff describe his new shitty attitude towards others. I've seen it too at times, and figure, I'll deal with it if I have my own problem.  The thing about not confronting when things happen, is a bunch of unresolved issues, which cause more problems.

---

Richard_39 said:

morrowrd said:

Re reading what I wrote, it really doesn't paint the real picture. Probably because it was venting while I was drinking. I guess the point of the post is really not about that particular co worker, but a pattern I tend to follow.  I am a loner, anti social, non-social, not really introverted as much as just having a negative outlook about people and lately society in general. I tend to be respectful, and dislike disrespect from others.  Thats probably why my negative views lately about society, everyone seems to be selfish, self-centered, and not respectful of the things they say...nosiness is something I've also been noticing more and more, and find that too, disrespectful.  My confronting skills aren't as polished as others, so it's easy to take me wrong sometimes. I've offended people over the years, and found out about it later and tried to go over in my mind what was said, to try to figure out how I offended them.  While I have had good luck in my love life, for some reason finding a girlfriend hasn't been really all that hard, my list of close male friends is very short. My son, my immediate co-worker, and a couple others who have moved away and facebook is our only connection.  Its discouraging at times, and I say I'm used to it.  I've grudgingly accepted who I am.  Sometimes I like who I am, other times I do not and wonder if there was something I could be doing differently that would make a difference.  Behavior patterns are something I've studied over the course of my life, mainly because of studying and reforming myself.  Working on yourself, you learn alot about other people as well.

It would be nice however, to run into someone who might have a similar life issue and what they did about it.

Click to expand...

Hehe, I like you ;-)
Same thing here. In fact I got into a heated argument yesterday with the human ressource girl who thinks she's God's gift to management.
I can't help much, though, because fresia 'em.
Seriously, fresia 'em. These little games between people I have no patience for, as such, I don't talk to them anymore. I spoke my piece, she poured it in, I concluded by "I'm being nice to you because I have to, FOR YOUR SAKE", because I sure as ******* hell don't feel like it right now. If you're not happy, I don't have to be nice to you, OR stay at this job for that matter. Go complain to my boss or put a sock in it" and left.
So...not exactly very pacific lol. I don't plan on speaking to her again. Beyond "Hi, hi", maybe you should do the same and not care. People are idiots.
Sorry if it doesn't help, but....that's the way I am. Probably the way you are, too. You try to be nice I'm sure, but people have a way about them. Screw 'em. They can live to regret it latter. ;-)

Click to expand...

Yeah, I've been here 26 years and this place has had a two full turnovers of administration and staff since 1991.  I used to like it here, no more. The last two years have been the worst for "tudes" and my tolerance for them is at below zero. I don't really care about making friends here, it's a job.   Although my post here is to describe a life pattern. This kind of thing happens out of work, as well as there.

morrowrd

You sound a lot like me. I respect the fact that you call people out on their bullshit. I also find the behavior of most people to be disrespectful and childish nowadays. Men no longer act like men. They run around whispering, taking potshots from afar (over the phone, via email, etc) and smile you your face...basically like a little *****.

I feel ya

I have zero male friends and frankly am so disgusted by the behavior of most "men" that I wouldn't want them as my friends anyway.

You won't make any friends confronting these men because they are petty little children with no backbones. I also call people out on their bullshit and take it straight to them. Life sucks, but there's no way I'm going out like a punk!!!

morrowrd said:

Yeah, I've been here 26 years and this place has had a two full turnovers of administration and staff since 1991.  I used to like it here, no more. The last two years have been the worst for "tudes" and my tolerance for them is at below zero. I don't really care about making friends here, it's a job.   Although my post here is to describe a life pattern. This kind of thing happens out of work, as well as there.

Click to expand...

Holy crap lol. Admiration, man, 26 years is braver than me. My record is maybe 6 years, after which just looking at the walls make me queasy lol.
I kind of regret not asking my dad to pay me laser therapy for my eyes 20 years ago. I definetely regret not becoming a cop. I'm not someone who lives or concentrates with regret, but that's one of the turning points of my life I wish I would have spared soemone less to advantage myself, for once. Lots of troubles would have been avoided. Although I'd probably have lost my job by now (I don't think I'd be able to jail a pedophile without having some fun, first, sadly.)
I always had zero tolerance for horseshit. We're already forced to work all together for a living even though most of us wishes they were rich and home in a mansion in the Bahamas, so why not laugh instead of concentrating on stabbing each other? But it seems people get their rocks off of that, as I've come to experience lol.
Only advice I can give you is do your thing and ignore those who behave like ********. Because punching them, while gratifying, does not help your advancement opportunities, trust me LOL ;-)

bleed_the_freak said:

morrowrd

You sound a lot like me. I respect the fact that you call people out on their bullshit. I also find the behavior of most people to be disrespectful and childish nowadays. Men no longer act like men. They run around whispering, taking potshots from afar (over the phone, via email, etc) and smile you your face...basically like a little *****.

I feel ya

I have zero male friends and frankly am so disgusted by the behavior of most "men" that I wouldn't want them as my friends anyway.

You won't make any friends confronting these men because they are petty little children with no backbones. I also call people out on their bullshit and take it straight to them. Life sucks, but there's no way I'm going out like a punk!!!

Click to expand...

thank you for this feedback.  You validated my own thoughts and I even used your words today at work today.  heh heh heh...little bitches. What an excellent description and as funny as it sounds, its the truth.

---

Richard_39 said:

morrowrd said:

Yeah, I've been here 26 years and this place has had a two full turnovers of administration and staff since 1991.  I used to like it here, no more. The last two years have been the worst for "tudes" and my tolerance for them is at below zero. I don't really care about making friends here, it's a job.   Although my post here is to describe a life pattern. This kind of thing happens out of work, as well as there.

Click to expand...

Holy crap lol. Admiration, man, 26 years is braver than me. My record is maybe 6 years, after which just looking at the walls make me queasy lol.
I kind of regret not asking my dad to pay me laser therapy for my eyes 20 years ago. I definetely regret not becoming a cop. I'm not someone who lives or concentrates with regret, but that's one of the turning points of my life I wish I would have spared soemone less to advantage myself, for once. Lots of troubles would have been avoided. Although I'd probably have lost my job by now (I don't think I'd be able to jail a pedophile without having some fun, first, sadly.)
I always had zero tolerance for horseshit. We're already forced to work all together for a living even though most of us wishes they were rich and home in a mansion in the Bahamas, so why not laugh instead of concentrating on stabbing each other? But it seems people get their rocks off of that, as I've come to experience lol.
Only advice I can give you is do your thing and ignore those who behave like ********. Because punching them, while gratifying, does not help your advancement opportunities, trust me LOL ;-)

Click to expand...

In 1991, I took this job. It's a lower level supervisory job....it's perfect for me.  Just enough responsibility, not too much.  And I have no interest in moving up. It's a state job, so I have nice security, comfortable position, and I am in charge. Although everyone answers to someone and obviously I do too.  BUT, for a man like me....non/anti social, this has been the best job for me. I take very good care of the one person I supervise, and he takes care of me.  With all the bullshit here, it doesn't affect us too badly because we help each other. I make sure he is taken care of....I've saved his ass so many times.  He has been an ear to me and knows all about my dating stories, divorce, everything. I know his story.  I will miss him when I retire. I have a retirement incentive...that matures in four years.  If I don't take it, I will be working here for free.  While four years to someone in their 20s sounds like forever, when you reach my age, you will realize how fast time goes by.  I don't feel old, I feel like too much time has gone by in almost no time. Years are like days.

morrowrd said:

bleed_the_freak said:

morrowrd

You sound a lot like me. I respect the fact that you call people out on their bullshit. I also find the behavior of most people to be disrespectful and childish nowadays. Men no longer act like men. They run around whispering, taking potshots from afar (over the phone, via email, etc) and smile you your face...basically like a little *****.

I feel ya

I have zero male friends and frankly am so disgusted by the behavior of most "men" that I wouldn't want them as my friends anyway.

You won't make any friends confronting these men because they are petty little children with no backbones. I also call people out on their bullshit and take it straight to them. Life sucks, but there's no way I'm going out like a punk!!!

Click to expand...

thank you for this feedback.  You validated my own thoughts and I even used your words today at work today.  heh heh heh...little bitches. What an excellent description and as funny as it sounds, its the truth.

---

Richard_39 said:

morrowrd said:

Yeah, I've been here 26 years and this place has had a two full turnovers of administration and staff since 1991.  I used to like it here, no more. The last two years have been the worst for "tudes" and my tolerance for them is at below zero. I don't really care about making friends here, it's a job.   Although my post here is to describe a life pattern. This kind of thing happens out of work, as well as there.

Click to expand...

Holy crap lol. Admiration, man, 26 years is braver than me. My record is maybe 6 years, after which just looking at the walls make me queasy lol.
I kind of regret not asking my dad to pay me laser therapy for my eyes 20 years ago. I definetely regret not becoming a cop. I'm not someone who lives or concentrates with regret, but that's one of the turning points of my life I wish I would have spared soemone less to advantage myself, for once. Lots of troubles would have been avoided. Although I'd probably have lost my job by now (I don't think I'd be able to jail a pedophile without having some fun, first, sadly.)
I always had zero tolerance for horseshit. We're already forced to work all together for a living even though most of us wishes they were rich and home in a mansion in the Bahamas, so why not laugh instead of concentrating on stabbing each other? But it seems people get their rocks off of that, as I've come to experience lol.
Only advice I can give you is do your thing and ignore those who behave like ********. Because punching them, while gratifying, does not help your advancement opportunities, trust me LOL ;-)

Click to expand...

In 1991, I took this job. It's a lower level supervisory job....it's perfect for me.  Just enough responsibility, not too much.  And I have no interest in moving up. It's a state job, so I have nice security, comfortable position, and I am in charge. Although everyone answers to someone and obviously I do too.  BUT, for a man like me....non/anti social, this has been the best job for me. I take very good care of the one person I supervise, and he takes care of me.  With all the bullshit here, it doesn't affect us too badly because we help each other. I make sure he is taken care of....I've saved his ass so many times.  He has been an ear to me and knows all about my dating stories, divorce, everything. I know his story.  I will miss him when I retire. I have a retirement incentive...that matures in four years.  If I don't take it, I will be working here for free.  While four years to someone in their 20s sounds like forever, when you reach my age, you will realize how fast time goes by.  I don't feel old, I feel like too much time has gone by in almost no time. Years are like days.

Click to expand...

---

I wish you a lovely retirement and hopefully enough funds to say "fresia you!" to everybody you'd rather not deal with. Some day, I hope to live that dream too!

bleed_the_freak said:

I wish you a lovely retirement and hopefully enough funds to say "fresia you!" to everybody you'd rather not deal with. Some day, I hope to live that dream too!

Click to expand...

It was like yesterday, I drove through hurricane andrew's aftermath to get to the interview.  The word retirement, was a word for "old people."  I never paid attention when the state retirement people showed up, "I have plenty of time." Said this in my 20s, 30's, 40's and now I'm 51.  I feel no different inside than I did in my 20's except less frustrated with myself and life.  I went through a "personal reform" that took ten years, and it helped me in ways I could write a book about.  Anyway, I have had a good quality of life, and am amazed at how fast time goes by.

I thank you for your well wishes. I still have four years to go, and am still watching myself continue the path of estrangements.  Estrangement however, isn't as bad as it sounds....it's actually a life tool. I have over the weekend decided to cut off my family. My siblings, my mother, and all the extended family.  Sounds harsh, but it's actually a self-preservation tool Growing up, my parents miscommunicated among other things, and that continued into adulthood. Trying to explain yourself made situations worse, they just didn't get it.  I rebelled against the strange excessive punishments doled out for lying, stealing, breaking the rules etc.  Lying and stealing... right.  We were always being accused of these things and being innocent didn't matter.  Each of us took turns fessing up, until I had enough.  I was kicked out at 15, and have never been welcomed back.  My younger brother, my older sister, and my mom all get together for the holidays. I'm never invited, my son is never included either.  Just my younger brothers children.  I had cut off all contact with everyone, until a year ago I began writing my mom once per month.  She would write back.  I refused to email or call, just old fashioned letter writing.  An event happened between us that once again, caused my desire to never talk to her again.  I want nothing to do with any of them, I suspect my sister who dislikes me, involved herself. (this whole family dynamics is a very long story so it's hard in a short post to paint a true image here)  The letters abruptly changed in tone, dismissive and almost spiteful.  So I'm really done now.  With all of them.  

So, my son is really my only family.   This girlfriend I have has been amazing to me and I consider her and her children my family as well...I'm lucky and thankful.  She is the most beautiful woman I've ever had a relationship with, soft spoken and nurturing.  Always the type I wanted, but could never have.  Not to get off the subject but talking about her, is one of my favorite things to talk about. We are now selling this house, and buying a new one together.  And going on our first family vacation together next week. She and I, my son and her children.  None of them have ever been on a family vacation, so this is a first for them.  She has an 8 year old son who has come a long way in the two years we've lived together.  I hope he has fun...he's hard to please sometimes.

Anyway, I enjoy reading some of the posts here.  While we are all different, we all are the same when it comes to the social world.

Have a great rest of your weekend.

^ Dude, you're living my life. Or I'm living yours. This is creepy. I could have written that post save for a few "minor" details!

morrowrd said:

bleed_the_freak said:

morrowrd

You sound a lot like me. I respect the fact that you call people out on their bullshit. I also find the behavior of most people to be disrespectful and childish nowadays. Men no longer act like men. They run around whispering, taking potshots from afar (over the phone, via email, etc) and smile you your face...basically like a little *****.

I feel ya

I have zero male friends and frankly am so disgusted by the behavior of most "men" that I wouldn't want them as my friends anyway.

You won't make any friends confronting these men because they are petty little children with no backbones. I also call people out on their bullshit and take it straight to them. Life sucks, but there's no way I'm going out like a punk!!!

Click to expand...

thank you for this feedback.  You validated my own thoughts and I even used your words today at work today.  heh heh heh...little bitches. What an excellent description and as funny as it sounds, its the truth.

---

Richard_39 said:

morrowrd said:

Yeah, I've been here 26 years and this place has had a two full turnovers of administration and staff since 1991.  I used to like it here, no more. The last two years have been the worst for "tudes" and my tolerance for them is at below zero. I don't really care about making friends here, it's a job.   Although my post here is to describe a life pattern. This kind of thing happens out of work, as well as there.

Click to expand...

Holy crap lol. Admiration, man, 26 years is braver than me. My record is maybe 6 years, after which just looking at the walls make me queasy lol.
I kind of regret not asking my dad to pay me laser therapy for my eyes 20 years ago. I definetely regret not becoming a cop. I'm not someone who lives or concentrates with regret, but that's one of the turning points of my life I wish I would have spared soemone less to advantage myself, for once. Lots of troubles would have been avoided. Although I'd probably have lost my job by now (I don't think I'd be able to jail a pedophile without having some fun, first, sadly.)
I always had zero tolerance for horseshit. We're already forced to work all together for a living even though most of us wishes they were rich and home in a mansion in the Bahamas, so why not laugh instead of concentrating on stabbing each other? But it seems people get their rocks off of that, as I've come to experience lol.
Only advice I can give you is do your thing and ignore those who behave like ********. Because punching them, while gratifying, does not help your advancement opportunities, trust me LOL ;-)

Click to expand...

In 1991, I took this job. It's a lower level supervisory job....it's perfect for me.  Just enough responsibility, not too much.  And I have no interest in moving up. It's a state job, so I have nice security, comfortable position, and I am in charge. Although everyone answers to someone and obviously I do too.  BUT, for a man like me....non/anti social, this has been the best job for me. I take very good care of the one person I supervise, and he takes care of me.  With all the bullshit here, it doesn't affect us too badly because we help each other. I make sure he is taken care of....I've saved his ass so many times.  He has been an ear to me and knows all about my dating stories, divorce, everything. I know his story.  I will miss him when I retire. I have a retirement incentive...that matures in four years.  If I don't take it, I will be working here for free.  While four years to someone in their 20s sounds like forever, when you reach my age, you will realize how fast time goes by.  I don't feel old, I feel like too much time has gone by in almost no time. Years are like days.

Click to expand...

---

LOL Someone in his late 30's early 40's, actually ;-)
Honestly? 4 years is an eternity for me, but only because that is the date at which, with luck, half my child support payments will lower! Again, in 10 years time, I should stop paying it alltogether.
I know that once that happens, life will go by in a freaking wink lol. For the moment though, it's a slow, poor, no money to eat kind of torture.
Hey, if you work for free, want to send me somer? Pretty please? I want to retire this year!
Your gig sounds ideal. I'm really jealous, honestly, considering the bullshit I go through at work. Well forget about leaving, just hang in there. After that, peace and quiet ;-)
Take care man!

bleed_the_freak said:

^ Dude, you're living my life. Or I'm living yours. This is creepy. I could have written that post save for a few "minor" details!

Click to expand...

what part?

morrowrd said:

bleed_the_freak said:

^ Dude, you're living my life. Or I'm living yours. This is creepy. I could have written that post save for a few "minor" details!

Click to expand...

what part?

Click to expand...

The entire situation with your family sounds like a carbon copy of mine.