Aug 10

To me Aug 10th, is the most miserable day of my life. Why because it's my birthday, And I hate it. I hate hearing Happy birthday, because it just isn't a happy one it never is. tomorrow I will be 31. and I feel so miserable. I always thought my life would be better. but No matter how much I try to make my life better This **** Mental illness that completely F's up my life and prevents me from living the way I want. just makes it all seem a bitter pointless, useless, pathetic reason for existing. sometimes the days I feel like I can conquer the world, are the most tragic of all. because they give me false hope. 

But I guess the another reason is, I just want a woman to hold. I just want to cuddle up and just relax listen to the sound of her breathing. tell corny jokes to and listen to her laugh. and maybe go to dinner and just forget about all the other worries I have for just a brief moment in my life. and really I want that anytime. But I guess it even harder when your reminded of how old your getting and how your life isn't what you wanted it to be. and how lonely I am. I just hate it.

To top it all off I lost my disability. I can't work, But I hate not working. I hate feeling Like a dead beat. But I can't work and I know I can't. took to much pain sweat and blood to learn that truth. and when I finally get on disability, they take it away, saying I can. Always stress, and this is why I want someone to hold and tell all my problems to and just feel wanted for a change. but anyway dreading tomorrow. just needed to vent. so much I want to say but I just don't need to vent that much right now.

Just an Update. I guess this birthday isn't going to be as bad as I thought. I actually have a Dinner date tonight with someone. So we will see how it goes.

HangmanNoose said:

Just an Update. I guess this birthday isn't going to be as bad as I thought. I actually have a Dinner date tonight with someone. So we will see how it goes.

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Cool bro
Wish I could say the same.

Don't lose faith. Good things happen to those who wait.

Happy Birthday!  Hope you're eating your favorite foods and celebrating yourself! If I know anything about Leos you've got the power to impress and delight and gain the adoration you crave with a little bit of that confidence.  You sound like a great guy and good luck on the date!! HBD

Thanks Littlefish.

Richard hang in man you will find someone.

Back from the date or whatever you want to call it. I guess in a way It was great to have a conversation with someone. to just enjoy someones company for a little while. I had fun But I also felt like maybe I was grasping as straws. I just can't explain it.. so the night wasn't a total bust it was nice. but it also wasnt as I expected. just wanted to update yall..

HangmanNoose said:

Thanks Littlefish.

Richard hang in man you will find someone.

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LOL NO ;-)

Have to put some of yourself into for it to happen. I'm complaining but not really doing anything about it, either...anyway, eventually, yeah.

Sorry it wasn't what you expected. TOLD you you should have gone with slipping her a mickey ;-)
In what way was it not what you thought it was? Try to phrase it if you can, grasping at straws?

LOl sometimes complaining helps us get motivated to do it. we get sick of complaining and eventually do something about it.
I have had that happen to me actually, by a crazy woman lol.

Um well let see I thought she was older than what she was. so that kind of just really made me feel old. she ended up being 22 so a 9 year gap just kind of threw me off a little. and she was just stand offish and kind of idk how to explain. She wasn't not into me, even though the age really made me stand off a little. but there was this vib that just wasn't right. even though we are going to stay friends and still go out and hang out. I just I don't see it going anywhere, at most as bad as it may sound a friends with benefits is about as far as I see it could go. but as far as emotional connection I don't see much of that from either of us.

and to top if off I think by some of the comments she made She only went out with me because it was my birthday and she didn't want me to be alone kind of thing. and I really didn't want that as a pitty date. I can be fine with out that. but I mean we still had a good time and we had great conversation. I think I went into it not really knowing what I wanted. so I may have had my guard up some as well. but I wish I could explain it better. I really do.

Hey Josh - it's definitely not easy to find someone... Meh...
Just - hang in there, keep trying. I'll be holding fingers crossed for you

Yeah it aint easy.

HangmanNoose said:

Yeah it aint easy.

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*sigh* 
and gets better and better as time goes on :/

yeah i guess. eventually