Physical contact on first dates

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A

Amelia

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Guys, can you help me understand something...

What would you consider acceptable physical contact on a first date? Personally I feel like if a guy touched my arm or knee lightly/quickly, linked arms with me while walking me to the car/door, gave me a quick hug or peck on the cheek, I'd be okay with these things. I'd think "he's trying to say he's into me, but he wants to keep the touching on the chivalrous level". 

Recently though, I was set up with a guy at a party and while dancing, he kept coming closer and putting his hand on my waist (I was facing him). In the past, I've danced with guys at parties/first dates and they would at most hold my hand while twirling etc but that's it. There wouldn't be prolonged touching and I was quite comfortable with that. (Especially because that would be my first time meeting the guy).

Am I abnormal? Is this kind of touching completely acceptable? Or am I being too weird about this? I don't have much experience dating and have never been the touchy feely sort so perhaps that's why I feel like it was awkward?

What do you think are boundaries to first date physical contact?
 
Amelia said:
Guys, can you help me understand something...

What would you consider acceptable physical contact on a first date? Personally I feel like if a guy touched my arm or knee lightly/quickly, linked arms with me while walking me to the car/door, gave me a quick hug or peck on the cheek, I'd be okay with these things. I'd think "he's trying to say he's into me, but he wants to keep the touching on the chivalrous level". 

Recently though, I was set up with a guy at a party and while dancing, he kept coming closer and putting his hand on my waist (I was facing him). In the past, I've danced with guys at parties/first dates and they would at most hold my hand while twirling etc but that's it. There wouldn't be prolonged touching and I was quite comfortable with that. (Especially because that would be my first time meeting the guy).

Am I abnormal? Is this kind of touching completely acceptable? Or am I being too weird about this? I don't have much experience dating and have never been the touchy feely sort so perhaps that's why I feel like it was awkward?

What do you think are boundaries to first date physical contact?

Depends. Dancing at a party, if it's a club or something and everyone has a lot to drink, he might have ideas onto himself, or figure you're looking for a one-nighter (which DOES happen, although there are signs of these).
I tend to avoid physical contact, personally. It takes me a long time to be comfortable with it and I need to get to know someone before I'm being touched, even if it's for romantic reasons. That being said, I wait until it's initiated. Maybe it doesn't send the message I'm into her or not; I don't care. I wait until it's initiated ;-)

Touching is not acceptable if unsollicited. It up to you to define it. It can be light, or it can be not at all. Your choice. In the end, no matter how light, no is no if you so chose.
 
I'm with Richard.

I'd guess, and it's just a guess, that it would totally depend on the situation, and how the two people were "vibing" with one another.  It could just go either way.  If there's a bit of tension.....maybe not too much touchy, but if there's a connection, and both are feeling it, why not?  Some guys are just going to be more aggressive, and it's totally on the woman to let him know he's crossing a line.  An aggressive guy is just going to keep coming on stronger if he isn't put in his place.  No means no, but nothing is going to mean yes to a guy like that.

Like Richard said, it's not unusual for people to sleep together on a first date, so holding a waist might be nothing to someone like that, either man or woman.

It's just different sensitivity levels in everyone, and sometimes opposite levels are going to end up spending some time together.
 
I don't think there's one right answer to this question, after all it's "different strokes for different folks".

If I was to provide a range of acceptable actions (according to me), it'd be a mirror image of what Amelia already said. I'd be on the fence with that whole waist grabbing, though where I'm from, it wouldn't be considered rude to hold a lady slightly above the waist (during the dance, that is), but maybe I'm just super old (perpahs even old school), I dunno.

I think the guy wasn't overly aggressive, but in the end - whether something's considered okay or not - depends on the people participating. As long as the other person doesn't feel uncomfortable - it's fine in my books.

Some people go to bed together. Me? I'd feel awkward even with a hug.
 
Thanks for your responses guys! It has made me feel a lot better knowing that it wasnt just me who thought he shouldve taken his cues from me.
 
This question is something for every person to answer for themselves and then "help themselves" with. If one ain't okay with something, one gotta stand up for ones own well-being, and if one's okay with something, then... okay.

If it weirds you out, listen to that. Either keep that as a personal limit, or of you don't like it, work with it in some way - though I'm not sure as to how X)
 
Amelia said:
Guys, can you help me understand something...

What would you consider acceptable physical contact on a first date? Personally I feel like if a guy touched my arm or knee lightly/quickly, linked arms with me while walking me to the car/door, gave me a quick hug or peck on the cheek, I'd be okay with these things. I'd think "he's trying to say he's into me, but he wants to keep the touching on the chivalrous level". 

Recently though, I was set up with a guy at a party and while dancing, he kept coming closer and putting his hand on my waist (I was facing him). In the past, I've danced with guys at parties/first dates and they would at most hold my hand while twirling etc but that's it. There wouldn't be prolonged touching and I was quite comfortable with that. (Especially because that would be my first time meeting the guy).

Am I abnormal? Is this kind of touching completely acceptable? Or am I being too weird about this? I don't have much experience dating and have never been the touchy feely sort so perhaps that's why I feel like it was awkward?

What do you think are boundaries to first date physical contact?
I've danced intimately and kissed girls on the first night I met them although these were never 'dates.' I think it all comes down to the individual and the situation.

I do think though that most girls will generally lose a lot less respect for you if you try to kiss them without asking and accept the rejection then they will if you ask them permission first. I think they don't like that for the most part but maybe you feel differently.
 
It's only weird or awkward if you think it is. Each person is different when it comes to pretty much anything, same goes for the levels of intimacy on first dates. It all depends on you.
I don't have much to elaborate due to lack of dates i've been on but the first dates usually were quite formal and didn't involve nothing too intimate, sometimes a hug.
 
I ask for complete identification, medicare card and dental records before I'll allow a girl to kiss me, as well as a Form of Consent and Declination of Future Litigation.

Just in case. ;-)
 
I agree with Richard, it seems fake and inappropriate at that stage. On top of that you won’t have much idea as to the person’s personal views on this. The consensus now in some circles now is that any physical contact, even in long term relationships, needs to involve verbal consent. No joking, there are people who believe that verbal consent is required every time someone puts their arm around their husband/wife/partner for example, so you can imagine how going in for a kiss on a first date might come across.
 
Amelia said:
Guys, can you help me understand something...

What would you consider acceptable physical contact on a first date? Personally I feel like if a guy touched my arm or knee lightly/quickly, linked arms with me while walking me to the car/door, gave me a quick hug or peck on the cheek, I'd be okay with these things. I'd think "he's trying to say he's into me, but he wants to keep the touching on the chivalrous level". 

Recently though, I was set up with a guy at a party and while dancing, he kept coming closer and putting his hand on my waist (I was facing him). In the past, I've danced with guys at parties/first dates and they would at most hold my hand while twirling etc but that's it. There wouldn't be prolonged touching and I was quite comfortable with that. (Especially because that would be my first time meeting the guy).

Am I abnormal? Is this kind of touching completely acceptable? Or am I being too weird about this? I don't have much experience dating and have never been the touchy feely sort so perhaps that's why I feel like it was awkward?

What do you think are boundaries to first date physical contact?

Oh lord no- you're not abnormal lol! You sound like a respectable woman and that's a good thing :)
Most of what I wanna touch on (Pun intended :p ) has already been said by our dear fellow ALLers so I'm gonna move onto quoting and leaving some thoughts below.  

X-1 Alpha said:
I don't think there's one right answer to this question, after all it's "different strokes for different folks".

If I was to provide a range of acceptable actions (according to me), it'd be a mirror image of what Amelia already said. I'd be on the fence with that whole waist grabbing, though where I'm from, it wouldn't be considered rude to hold a lady slightly above the waist (during the dance, that is), but maybe I'm just super old (perpahs even old school), I dunno.

I think the guy wasn't overly aggressive, but in the end - whether something's considered okay or not - depends on the people participating. As long as the other person doesn't feel uncomfortable - it's fine in my books.

Some people go to bed together. Me? I'd feel awkward even with a hug.

Indeed, there's no right or wrong here. It's entirely up to the individual. Some ppl love it and are easily open to being touched while others just against it until they feel much more intimate with each other. Don't let society dictate what's right or wrong for you in this situation. Your body- your rule.

If you aren't comfortable? Let it be known ;)

Awww Alpha, how about a hug from a bro? XD

Meaw said:
This question is something for every person to answer for themselves and then "help themselves" with. If one ain't okay with something, one gotta stand up for ones own well-being, and if one's okay with something, then... okay.

If it weirds you out, listen to that. Either keep that as a personal limit, or of you don't like it, work with it in some way - though I'm not sure as to how X)

Indeed. If you're okay with it, good.

If not, either fight it or adapt to it. Ultimately, the choice is yours. Awesome ;)
 
Clear enough of a message for me. Should be for the other ones too if even I get it :p
 

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