Unreasonable demand

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hitch1983

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Hi, ive been seeing a girl now for 2 months.

It started off great - the first 2/3 weeks were magical and awesome.

Then things suddenly became more difficult to where its reached its point now.

I have my issues, being on here you can likely guess what they are.

she also has her demons and past baggage.  

But shes conquered them better than me, however my issues are irrelevant to this post.  

I just wanted to get advice on what she said to me and if its realistic or unreasonable or am i being stupid and not understanding!

Basically the story is, her parents have a holiday home down near me, how i ended up meeting her.

But she piped up last night that she didnt want me anywhere near the place and didnt want my brother in law who works where the holiday home is to acknowledge her parents, as she said she wants to keep the holiday home sacred for her parents, a place they can go and be strangers.  Now i get that point.  but is it not unrealistic demand.

you might say no, of course not, and i would agree with you but heres why i think its unreasonable.

Her past has made her extremely guilty about how she treated her parents and she feels a debt to them to try make it back up to them.


Ive met her parents but only because of circumstance, not purposely planned.  THey are a nice couple but because of my gfs past repuatation on previous partners, they dont really want anything to do with me, or thats the impression im getting.

think im just another guy shes chased, so they dont want me in there house never mind there holiday home.  and they dont want my family connections ruining there holiday home experience, when they think im just another guy shes with.

shes never met my family, she knows about my brother in law because i told her, he works there. and she asked me to tell him not basically pretend they dont exist when they are there.

i feel this is unrealistic because i feel it says to me, ill never be allowed to get close to her.  she doesnt want to meet my family either.
so im starting to think im just gonna be this weekend guy, she sees sometimes, till she either gets bored or life gets in the way.

how can she possibly demand such a thing, surely if she wants a relationship with me, my family come with me, how can i date her and say to luke, dont talk to her or her parents?
 
If it was me who had being seeing someone for 2 months and she established those boundaries I wouldn't make an issue of it, not yet, not until more time had passed. A year later and things were the same, then I'd initiate a dialogue on the subject with the lady.
 
I get that you're hurt but I understand where she is coming from. I wouldn't enjoy going to a holiday place to see my children's exes or have anything go do with them in my privacy. I go to holiday places to feel free from people I like and know, let alone people I don't want to see.

Not saying that things won't work out, but for your girl, seems like she's had a lot of relationships fail. Two months is barely any time to really know someone... you guys aren't serious yet. That's not to say you won't become more serious, but give it time and eventually you'll meet her family.

My family basically didn't meet my husband until we were engaged. My extended family didn't meet him until a few weeks before we were married... some met him at the wedding.

I don't see the need to rush to meet the family unless you both are very serious and have fully committed to each other. Others might not mind bringing family after a few dates (I personally think that's too fast) but I can understand why she's so cautious early on.
 
Have you asked about meeting her parents in the future -- perhaps somewhere other than their vacation home? Wanting to meet each other's families someday is perfectly reasonable. For a relationship, 2 months isn't very long so I understand that her parents may not see you as a serious partner and potential family member yet.
 
I would be happy to be kept apart from her family. In my experiences, these people are usually a giant PITA.
 
hitch1983 said:
so im starting to think im just gonna be this weekend guy, she sees sometimes, till she either gets bored or life gets in the way.
...

You pinpointed the issue right there.

Meeting her parents this early is a bit awkward, but it's almost as if you're being viewed as a criminal.

I'd put it to her; aks whether she's interested in a long term relationship and whether she could imagine the two of you being togethor in 6 months. Use the same terms you used here: " Could you see yourself with me, or am I just someone you see sometimes, unitl you either get bored or life gets in the way". If you aren't satisfied with answer, move on.
 

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