Ending Life consequences

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tdi200

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Been debating ending life for years but i am worried about my parents and sibling as i am the one bread earner in our house hold, i am labor worker means i work in a warehouse in long hours upto 15 hours a day so sometimes i get home late and that makes a big deal at home and they start talking bad about me and force me to look for new jobs because working this long is not good, for those who have been in my shoes know how hard is to get a full time job vs part time job yes i can get another job probably it would be via a temp agency and last hardly 60 days before the contract gets over but my family do not see that i am just tired of getting treated like this i have so much in my mind.

So killing myself can be a good option for me but i am worried about the funeral expense or whatever is associated with death and i believe thats the only thing is stopping me to kill myself they day i win a powerball first thing i am going to do is get the money give it my parents and will prepay my funeral expense and rest the money will give it my parents before ending my life as i myself barely have any savings while my checking account has less than $10 till i get paid Friday.


and fyi i am not on any pills nor have i ever tried any kind of pills in my life matter of fact i have not even smoked a cigarette in my life and i do not have health insurance so i cant talk to a doctor about my issues
 
tdi200 said:
Been debating ending life for years but i am worried about my parents and sibling as i am the one bread earner in our house hold, i am labor worker means i work in a warehouse in long hours upto 15 hours a day so sometimes i get home late and that makes a big deal at home and they start talking bad about me and force me to look for new jobs because working this long is not good, for those who have been in my shoes know how hard is to get a full time job vs part time job yes i can get another job probably it would be via a temp agency and last hardly 60 days before the contract gets over but my family do not see that i am just tired of getting treated like this i have so much in my mind.

So killing myself can be a good option for me but i am worried about the funeral expense or whatever is associated with death and i believe thats the only thing is stopping me to kill myself they day i win a powerball first thing i am going to do is get the money give it my parents and will prepay my funeral expense and rest the money will give it my parents before ending my life as i myself barely have any savings while my checking account has less than $10 till i get paid Friday.


and fyi i am not on any pills nor have i ever tried any kind of pills in my life matter of fact i have not even smoked a cigarette in my life and i do not have health insurance so i cant talk to a doctor about my issues
Click to expand...

Welcome to my world, bub, although I figure you've been a regular tenant too.
Last week I survived through not quite 10 days with 15 dollars in my bank account. Didn't eat much let me tell you that!
But killing yourself will solve litterally nothing. You're also letting the bad guys win and that ***** we call life. The only thing you'll do is make your loved ones miss you and break their hearts. I'm not even talking about the money or physical aspect of it, but the fact that they WILL miss you. In my book, you don't have the right to cause them that kind of pain, especially your parents. You simply do not have the right to cause the absolute WORST pain imaginable to a father or a mother, and I speak as a parent myself. My children are my world. If something would happen, I WOULD die. No question. Have no doubt yours would feel the same way.
If nothing else, spare them that. Life might be honeysuckle, my friend, but we muddle on through. If we can choke the ***** once in a while, jump on the occasion. If not...we survive. When we're 90, we'll be able to say we conquered that *****.

Hope you'll reconsider man. I know it's hard. But us...we're harder.
 
Richard,
i cant thank you enough for all the encouragement you give meanwhile you have allot going on your plate been reading your threads but not stronger to respond to your threads for a word of comfort but i surely keep you in my prayers.
Yes you are right as you money is a problem to me too and i havent eaten much as well ending life is an option to me but very scared whats going to happen behind like how you comprehend words today made me think allot and causing pain to parent is allot as its my mother only dad died 15years ago in a tragic car accident so i can imagine it will be very hard on her if she finds me dead.

Thank you buddy i wish had capabilities of encourage you as how u do to me and to others considering English is my second language plays a huge factor expressing myself as well. but one thing for sure if i hit that powerball you will defintly be on my friend list who i will help with some decent money so we can at least have a decent life that has money and we can buy freely what we want
 
tdi200 said:
Richard,
i cant thank you enough for all the encouragement you give meanwhile you have allot going on your plate been reading your threads but not stronger to respond to your threads for a word of comfort but i surely keep you in my prayers.
Yes you are right as you money is a problem to me too and i havent eaten much as well ending life is an option to me but very scared whats going to happen behind like how you comprehend words today made me think allot and causing pain to parent is allot as its my mother only dad died 15years ago in a tragic car accident so i can imagine it will be very hard on her if she finds me dead.

Thank you buddy i wish had capabilities of encourage you as how u do to me and to others considering English is my second language plays a huge factor expressing myself as well. but one thing for sure if i hit that powerball you will defintly be on my friend list who i will help with some decent money so we can at least have a decent life that has money and we can buy freely what we want
Click to expand...

LOL I appreciate the thought friend, but you keep that money to make YOU and your loved ones happy if you ever need any. I'll get by. You take care of yourself and your own first and don't give up. Maybe it won't get better, maybe it'll be hard for some time, but in the end, when we survive, we win. And who knows what can happen in ten years, maybe we'll both be very happy and comfortable, sometimes life has a way of taking unexpected turns when you least think about it. Your english is pretty good, I get what you're saying man, besides, it's my second language too, my first is French ;-)
I appreciate you keeping me in your thoughts, trust me, I'll do the same. Just hang on, one day at a time and eventually, things will get better. If you have a chance to improve your life, no matter how insignificant or small a thing it may be, you take it. With enough little things, maybe somewhere along the line it'll change into a big thing. But you can't discover that if you're dead lol. Life's a war. It's always been. But warriors fight through it and win not because they're stronger, but because they never give up. So never give up, my friend.

Take care.
 
Hey tdi200.
I have seen personally what a suicide does to a family, from up close, and much as i wished for an end, often, this is the reason i could never go through with it. It leaves a permanent, ugly wound in the heart of anyone who ever cares/cared for you, even if you may not be aware of it... Please, please know this.

That said, reading your posts is just heartbreaking. This one, and your previous thread - in which you mention trying so hard to get some kind of acceptance and love. It does sound like life is being beyond unkind to you right now. I am so, so sorry to hear that you are having it so rough.
the only thing i can think of, is to ask you to please hang in there. keep talking to us here. try to look for other ways out. and please, please don't give up.

*huge hugs*, and best wishes to you, from all my heart. I truly hope that life will show you a kinder side, soon - and if you need to talk to someone - i am here.
 
Hey kestää,
Thanks for taking your time and reading my previous thread means allot to me feels like someone atleast care,i cant open up to someone like how i have opened up being behind a computer and composing all these messages.

I do agree with you suicide will leave a permanent ugly wound to whoever cared about me as they will be so many an answered questions probably they will never even find out about this forum as well.

Yes i tried allot entire of my life to get some kind of acceptance and love bought love and affection with money it felt so good for sometime beside i knew i was getting used i cared less until i seen real relationship which was completely the opposite of what i was doing, i bought love and affection with money paid heavily for it that i am so scared to even talk to any female anymore thinking i might get manipulated again .

and thanks again for understanding my feelings and what i am going through it really touched my heart when you mention its heartbreaking i finally felt someone is understanding what i am going through. Suicide is something i am tying myself to avoid i think about my family and what will it be like if i kill myself how will they survive thinking that makes me avoid suicide hopefully it be like that before it gets worst

Thank you again for taking your time
 
Well, you could kill yourself or you could engage in diligent self-directed education leading to you developing an impressive skillset that brings you in a lucrative income possibly into six figures.

That's what I did.

Maybe I should just have shot myself or something...

tdi200 said:
but i surely keep you in my prayers.
Click to expand...

What does your faith say about suicide?
 
What does your faith say about suicide?

i honestly do not have an answer to that meanwhile i also ask my faith why i got used like that


u could engage in diligent self-directed education leading to you developing an impressive skillset that brings you in a lucrative income possibly into six figures.

getting education is not easy for me i struggle allot in everything that is why after failing so much i just decided to be a warehouse worker making six figures for me out of question! i worked here for more than 6 years and most of them dont evekn know me or my name!
 
tdi200, I too have seen what a suicide can do to a family. That removed it as an option for me.

tdi200 said:
... i worked here for more than 6 years and most of them dont evekn know me or my name!
Click to expand...

While i no longer work in a warehouse, i have been where i am now for five years. They don't know my name either. I did tell a manager once that they were calling me by the wrong name. I was basically told that they would call me whatever they wanted.  Not a big deal to me i guess, it just shows that they don't know me.

I am sorry that things have been so difficult for you. Hang in there, and keep trying, things have to change eventually.
 
Minus,
thank for the support each and every word means allot to me reassurance give me a peace of mind i have been dying to hear such words and i finally hear it makes me feel better yes i will hand in there things will get better

thank u
 
Autumntranspire thanks for kind words sometimes thats all we need to hear to get the day go by these words got so much power
 
So sorry you are struggling.  I\ said:
Perhaps a better option is to work with the family to develop a budget so everyone can see what comes in and how to better streamline the spending.  This could help them see that your income is important to the household.  Perhaps on your shorter days, you could apply for some less laboring jobs to see if something works out.  Please hang in there and keep thinking of how your family would miss you on so many levels.  Talking with them could open the door to more appreciation of your efforts.
Click to expand...
 
Good Will Hunting just needed a library to educate himself.

College is not synonymous with education.

Often, people get stupid there.

I know people who studied Cisco networking diligently for 1 year (at home, for free) and tested for CCNA and walked into $60,000 a year.

This life is what we make of it.

I was once a narcotic-addicted dishwasher with a pregnant teenage girlfriend.
 
pam4him & bleed_the_freak,
Thank you i saved the suicide hotline number in my phone its easy to reach out being behind a computer and open up like that yes a budget plan has been set for long time as i had opened up to my family how i was used in a relationship and how i used to buy love with money to get the "loving feel" and doing that i lost allot of money so yes we are on budget spending but as family likes to talk behind back and constantly reminding me about my past and how stupid i am spending money over females. Yes i try to work part time jobs that are less labor related like a security job at a park or downtown checking IDs for beer garden festivals and stuff .

and yes i agree that life is what we make of it

Thank you all for giving me so much attention like this its been years i got that kind of attention that my i finally see that my voice and opinion matters too
 

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