Moving away from home, to the other side of the world

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Dgsibuna

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About a year ago, when I was 18, I went abroad to China to study for a month. I went with a lot of my classmates, so it was an incredible experience somehow. There were times when I couldn't stand people, but I just thought to myself "in no time, I'll be back home" and that gave me the comfort I needed. When I came back, I realized I did love the country and wished to go back. 
SInce young, I have always loved and admired Japanese culture for more reasons than one, and it had always been my dream to go there. I actually looked up the possibilities of studying college there. And so, I made it my goal to get there. 
So now, a year later I have my Japanese student visa in my hands and my suitcases all packed. I leave in a week, my country, my home. The place that saw me grow, my family, my place. I had been too busy dreaming of getting there and actually make it happen, that I never realized how terribly lonely I could feel. I never thought parting from my family would feel as if someone was ripping my heart in two.
I have suffered from social anxiety for a long time, and I panic about most things all the time, so even though there were problems at home... the fact that I had at least a place to be in with people who would help me regardless was my comfort. I know it's the fear kicking in, and that this is my dream and something I decided for myself... but I can't help crying every night and feel like crying just at the thought of leaving. I can't seem to get myself together and it's actually making me think I should just throw it all away and stay... but then again, I'll regret it even more...
I'm 19, so at times I think "I should have probably waited more", but that "more" may just have never come. I know that if I don't go, I'll regret it for a lifetime.
I just don't really know how to make myself the person I used to be when thinking about living in Japan... and it's breaking my self-esteem and the little confidence I have... will I ever get past this feeling?
 
Can you break it down to a smaller length of time.  Don't think that you're going for a long time, just think of it as going for a few weeks holiday/vacation.  Imagine how much fun you'll have exploring new places - places that you've dreamed of.  And know that if it turns out not to be somewhere you want to stay that you can go home again.  You sound as if going home again is a possibility?
 
Honestly, social anxiety aside, I think what you are feeling is pretty typical. Hell, even if you were going across the country or state, it would probably be typical to feel that way.
Yes, you are leaving what you know, but you also have the chance to make a fresh start. Be the person you want to be. The worst that could happen is you get over there and turn around and come right back. You should definitely go, give it at least one semester, see how it goes and then decide what you should do. But yeah, you will likely regret it if you don't go, so stop thinking that's an option. You'll be okay.

Oh and welcome to the forum :)
 
JustMay said:
Can you break it down to a smaller length of time.  Don't think that you're going for a long time, just think of it as going for a few weeks holiday/vacation.  Imagine how much fun you'll have exploring new places - places that you've dreamed of.  And know that if it turns out not to be somewhere you want to stay that you can go home again.  You sound as if going home again is a possibility?

Well, it's true that if I think of it as not such a long time being there, it'll help a bit. I want to try and follow the excitement thinking exactly that... it's a great advice. Also, it's not exactly like I could just come back if I do study over there, I mean I would feel bad since my parents and me myself have done so much for it... but I'll try to keep a positive perspective and think that if I really don't like it or such, I can come back home to my family and start again. I know at least I have a place to come back to, that's also a comfort. Thank you so much for your words.


TheRealCallie said:
Honestly, social anxiety aside, I think what you are feeling is pretty typical.  Hell, even if you were going across the country or state, it would probably be typical to feel that way.  
Yes, you are leaving what you know, but you also have the chance to make a fresh start.  Be the person you want to be.  The worst that could happen is you get over there and turn around and come right back.   You should definitely go, give it at least one semester, see how it goes and then decide what you should do.  But yeah, you will likely regret it if you don't go, so stop thinking that's an option.  You'll be okay.  

Oh and welcome to the forum :)

Yes, everything you're saying it's absolutely correct. I know the fear is normal and that it'll slowly turn into motivation to work hard and try my best in a new country. It's also a dream I've had for a long time so I'll think my dream isn't as fickle as to make me give it up, stay here and become someone I don't want to be... even if it's in my "comfort zone". Thank you so much for your words and the warm welcome too  :D
 
Charles Dickens once wrote No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.  When I focus on my own struggles, they seem only to become exacerbated.  Have you tried taking your mind off of your difficulties by making an intentional effort to help others in some way.  Sometimes doing for others may cause us to look upon our troubles with a different perspective.  Dickens may have been onto something, when he said helping others can cause our own difficulties to lighten.  I once read, Don’t grow weary of doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we don’t give up.
 
Glad to hear that you loved China. I'm from China and have been studying in Canada for three years. So we are kind of in the same boat. This may not help but I want to say, there is no need to worry too much before things really happen. The good news is that generally, Asians tend to be more introverted and easy-going at the same time. Western people feel more pressure to be popular and outgoing while almost always, Chinese people don't care this at all. Many of us are shy and 'lack of social skills' from the western standard. We don't think this is an issue as long as you are a good person. (I can only speak for Chinese, I don't know many Japanese). Just being a nice person, you won't have any issues making friends with Asians. You may finally find a place that you fit in. Chill buddy.
 

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