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Had lots of friends, don't anymore - everyone grew up and grew apart
#1
When I was in my early 20's, I had very few friends and wanted more - I especially wanted a girlfriend, as I hadn't even dated yet at that point.  My family suggested I join a club.  I'm a car enthusiast, so I joined a car club .  I made lots of friends in that club, all around the same age.  I even met my wife through that club.  Then as everyone got older, got married and had kids, the club basically disbanded, and I lost all those friends.  It seemed like everyone grew up and grew apart.  Now I don't have those friends, or really any friends anymore, other than my wife - who has been strongly encouraging me to make new friends.  I recently tried joining another car club, but it was full of members in their early to mid 20's!  Now I'm in my mid-30's and I can't relate to them.  Not sure what to do now.  Finding a car club geared toward people in their mid-30's is much easier said than done.  It's like car enthusiasts are only in their early-mid 20's and 60+ (with classic cars).  What am I supposed to do in the meantime?  Wait until I'm 60 to make new friends?  It's frustrating.  Everyone my age is too busy with their families to belong to a club and/or make friends.   Sad
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#2
It happens. People say they will always be your friend and be there for you but they are a bunch of scum liars. People suck.
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#3
I thought I replied to this post already....hmm, maybe I just intended to and never got to it. lol

It's hard to believe that people in their 30's aren't equally as interested in cars as they are in their 20's and 60's. Why not start your own group? Post some things on meetup.com or craigslist or even facebook and see what happens. You must have other interests besides cars, what about those? Or maybe even finding some new interests.

Don't limit yourself to just one thing. There are millions of options out there for you, I'm sure you can find something.
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM Smile

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#4
I feel you on this, as I work almost exclusively with people much younger or much older. The only thing I can think of is to expand to other interests and see what else might bring people together. Some cities even have groups for things like dog lovers or group hiking.

I've tried various other outlets with little success. Most Meet Ups are too far away for casually dropping in, and the "strictly platonic" sections on many sites are used for hook ups. Just have to keep rolling the dice, I guess.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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#5
(09-12-2017, 01:49 PM)Jafo Wrote: It happens. People say they will always be your friend and be there for you but they are a bunch of scum liars. People suck.

What a ball of sunshine you are.

I'm 28 and I'm kinda a car person.
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#6
People always come and go in your life. I don't know if its because i'm getting older but i've become more accepting of this.
You just have to keep going and meeting new people,just concentrate on things that you enjoy doing,get togethers,look out for events that are on. I don't know what it's like in your area but maybe any car shows. I've even met a few people online who I get on really well with or even through volunteering,but just constantly keeping myself busy.
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#7
Thanks everyone. I'm going to focus on my other interests for now and see where that goes.
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#8
(09-10-2017, 03:53 PM)PorscheGuy Wrote: When I was in my early 20's, I had very few friends and wanted more - I especially wanted a girlfriend, as I hadn't even dated yet at that point.  My family suggested I join a club.  I'm a car enthusiast, so I joined a car club  .  I made lots of friends in that club, all around the same age.  I even met my wife through that club.  Then as everyone got older, got married and had kids, the club basically disbanded, and I lost all those friends.  It seemed like everyone grew up and grew apart.  Now I don't have those friends, or really any friends anymore, other than my wife - who has been strongly encouraging me to make new friends.  I recently tried joining another car club, but it was full of members in their early to mid 20's!  Now I'm in my mid-30's and I can't relate to them.  Not sure what to do now.  Finding a car club geared toward people in their mid-30's is much easier said than done.  It's like car enthusiasts are only in their early-mid 20's and 60+ (with classic cars).  What am I supposed to do in the meantime?  Wait until I'm 60 to make new friends?  It's frustrating.  Everyone my age is too busy with their families to belong to a club and/or make friends.   Sad

You're going in the right direction, but understand breaking into social circles as you get older is harder. I think it's harder for men than women who by nature tend to be more social.  If you have any anti-social dysfunctions, its even harder.  You appear to have no problem joining a club to break into some sort of social circle. That's pretty good at your age, in my thirties it was the beginning of the end for me, and socializing.

I ran a community youth program for ten years, and made "friends" there. Mostly parents who decided to attend events and I used them as extra supervision.  During activities, there would be socializing, (basically small talk about life and each other) - but nothing really that spilled over outside of the group. My co-worker and I are like brothers. Yet we don't see each outside of work, except a couple exceptions where we went to a concert together, but our lives don't mesh, other than work.  So any socializing I've done after 30 had very defined boundaries.

I've often thought it would be nice to have bbq's, and get togethers like everyone else, but as the years have gone by, and I have adapted to being alone, visitors now feel like intruders.  My home is like a fortress, and sadly, I've sold it to FEMA because it's in a flood plain.  I am moving to a new home in a few weeks, and sparing no expense on upgrades to make it as much like what we are losing.  One thing I have here, is an eight foot stockade cedar fence around the property.  As we have been at the new property a few times measuring things (like the fence) neighbors came over, all friendly....asking a ton of questions.  Instead of feeling like they were being friendly, I felt they were being nosy.  I bluntly told them a fence is going up, so don't be offended. (and walked away from them to make more measurements.) My fiancee then tried to smooth things over, because things became awkward after I walked away.  Then on the way back home, she tells me that as soon as I walked away, they asked some other more personal questions, that made her uncomfortable.

That fence is one of the first things going up.  I have a Lowes representative meeting me there Monday and I plan on walling off the property immediately.  I plan on ignoring the neighbors.
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#9
Its horrible isn't it?
In the same situation, again, and yet it was me who made the move out of the circle I'd grown up with round the doors. Things just changed.
Case of hanging out with the wrong people I was so warned about, hit home, and the people I could connect with the way I was looking for were gone.

Yet I rarely feel that I could have something with a person and you really need to to justify making time for each other etc. Certainly not like when we were younger when that feeling felt prominent.  I don't know if that's the same for others, or if that capability is still alive and well.
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#10
Ah, the late Gen-X crowds. I always feel like we're the forgotten ones, stuck between the hippies and the whiners, whose numbers is apparently inferior enough that either group dun give two flying sh*ts about us ;-)

Wish I could help you, not much of a car fan, but I knowwhat I like. Do like classic cars, even if I don't know a thing about them. I say join different groups, you're bound to find some where you fit in better. My ex bro in law was a car buff, he's in his mid 30's, pretty sure it's just blind luck. But I do feel like there's considerably less of us than old shmucks and cellphone addicts.
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