Trust issues

I'm lonely as hell, that's why I'm here obviously I can't seem to make any friends because of my inability to trust people. There's no particular reason why I'm not trusting, my life isn't nearly interesting enough for that, I simply can't open up to people completely so I end up distancing myself. I'm worried that if I give people the benefit of the doubt I'll end up being stabbed in the back, the way I see it that's not an unreasonable concern but it really has affected my social life

There's no way around it, when you open up, you do get stabbed in the back, betrayed and rejected. It WILL happen, that's life. Eventually, after it happens enough times, you learn what you can trust people with and what you can't. You learn that it's ok not to divulge all of yourself and your secrets just because your asked. You don't have to open all the way up, or even half way up to have a social life.

MissLonely79 said:

There's no way around it, when you open up, you do get stabbed in the back, betrayed and rejected. It WILL happen, that's life. Eventually, after it happens enough times, you learn what you can trust people with and what you can't. You learn that it's ok not to divulge all of yourself and your secrets just because your asked. You don't have to open all the way up, or even half way up to have a social life.

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I suppose, but it's hard to make a close friend when you have a hard time telling them anything

Rust said:

MissLonely79 said:

There's no way around it, when you open up, you do get stabbed in the back, betrayed and rejected. It WILL happen, that's life. Eventually, after it happens enough times, you learn what you can trust people with and what you can't. You learn that it's ok not to divulge all of yourself and your secrets just because your asked. You don't have to open all the way up, or even half way up to have a social life.

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I suppose, but it's hard to make a close friend when you have a hard time telling them anything

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I made a huge mistake thinking the same exact thing. Turns out, people are a lot more shallow than you give them credit for. They really don't care about your life story. Just throw some bread crumbs out here and there. That's all you need. What type of people do you want to hang around with? And are you hiding something you don't want people to know?

MissLonely79 said:

Rust said:

MissLonely79 said:

There's no way around it, when you open up, you do get stabbed in the back, betrayed and rejected. It WILL happen, that's life. Eventually, after it happens enough times, you learn what you can trust people with and what you can't. You learn that it's ok not to divulge all of yourself and your secrets just because your asked. You don't have to open all the way up, or even half way up to have a social life.

Click to expand...

I suppose, but it's hard to make a close friend when you have a hard time telling them anything

Click to expand...

I made a huge mistake thinking the same exact thing. Turns out, people are a lot more shallow than you give them credit for. They really don't care about your life story. Just throw some bread crumbs out here and there. That's all you need. What type of people do you want to hang around with? And are you hiding something you don't want people to know?

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I'm not hiding anything major, I just act a lot more emotionless than I am and when something does happen I don't really tell anyone, as for the people I hang around with, they're mostly just acquaintances who have me help with their homework in return for sweets and stuff, I used to be closer with some people but they got sick of me because of my personality being the way it is

Hardcore trust isn't really necessary for a friendship. You don't have to go diving into the deep end to have a friend. I think that's built up between people the longer they know someone and the more they know someone. Unfortunately, even then, things that would cause distrust can happen. I don't trust people, but it's not an issue for me. I see nothing wrong with being friendly in the meantime.

Nilla doesn't trust me

But seriously, no, you don't have to fully trust anyone, unless you are in a romantic relationship with them.
But it doesn't sound so much as a trust issue with you as it does a self doubt issue. You are afraid of getting hurt, so you won't put yourself out there.
If people can't accept you for who you are, they don't deserve to be in your life.

Be realistically selective about whom you trust and how much you're going to trust them with. And as VC points out, there's nothing wrong with being friendly with someone you don't trust enough to be vulnerable with.

Rust said:

I'm lonely as hell, that's why I'm here obviously I can't seem to make any friends because of my inability to trust people. There's no particular reason why I'm not trusting, my life isn't nearly interesting enough for that, I simply can't open up to people completely so I end up distancing myself. I'm worried that if I give people the benefit of the doubt I'll end up being stabbed in the back, the way I see it that's not an unreasonable concern but it really has affected my social life

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I was once head-over-heels with a girl I completely adhored but she suffered from terrible trust issues and it sadly tore us apart in the end. She knew she suffered with this and tried her best to trust, and it was wonderful when she did, but she couldn't hold that state of mind for long and it would break down again.

I believe when we realise that we can't control things outside of your grasp, we start to feel a stronger sense of self-worth and everything seems to ease up. I'm not sure if these words will offer you any worth but I hope you manage to beat your trust issues

I trust no one.

There are degrees of trust, not always easy to determine who(m) you can trust and with what. Good policy to be cautious and try trusting a little at a time