Was I wrong here?

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Paraiyar

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So earlier today I was about to go into a diary when I caught a glimpse of this girl I haven't seen in years. She always was pretty but I thought she seemed even more attractive now. She didn't see me and by the time I'd processed things she'd walked off. I got what I needed and drove home.

Now one of my oldest friends is also friends with her and this friend and I have been talking on FB chat a bit lately so I thought I'd tell her that I'd seen the other girl. This conversation would not go the way I thought it would:

Me: I saw Lydia just before, she didn't see me lol
Friend: I saw Lydia yesterday...she saw me too...lol
Me: Man she's got hot...
Friend: Thats kinda creepy Will, she's always been beautiful why you gotta go be like that?
Me: Probably just because I haven't seen her in years
Me: Sorry
Me: Didn't mean it like that...

She hasn't responded since. Am I missing something because I really don't think there was anything wrong or creepy about what I said? I feel like maybe I just don't really get women because I don't understand why it's creepy just to admit that you find someone physically attractive. Did my friend completely overreact or am I out of line in my thinking without even realizing it? I seriously don't get it...

This may seem like a petty thing to make a thread about but I do sometimes wonder if I just have a habit of being insensitive without meaning to but I can't work out if it really is a case of that or if some people are way oversensitive...
 
Bingo, what Eve said.

But I DO know why it bothers her.

Because as long as you are enamored with another girl, it means you are not one of her circle of male orbitters.

 
bleed_the_freak said:
Bingo, what Eve said.

But I DO know why it bothers her.

Because as long as you are enamored with another girl, it means you are not one of her circle of male orbitters.



She's a Mum and has a partner, plus I've known her since we were 2. Not ruling out the possibility of what you're saying but it would be a pretty big shock to me. We also haven't seen each other in person in ages...
 
That doesn't matter. Her response was a jealous one. Do the math. Some things are inherent, my friend.
 
bleed_the_freak said:
That doesn't matter. Her response was a jealous one. Do the math. Some things are inherent, my friend.

I do think you have a point but this would be pretty shocking for me if true.
 
I don't feel like it's a response out of jealousy. Seems more like she was offended, and as I said earlier to Paraiyar, perhaps it might have seen as though it's a comment objectifying Lydia or maybe she felt that it was an insensitive thing to say. Then again maybe it's more than just that, could be a personal experience that scarred her to feel very strongly about such a statement. Really hard to say cos we're not in her head, but I dunno, don't seem like she's jealous or anything. Cos she said "she's always been beautiful"... sounds to me like she might think you only notice someone when they're "hot" or something like that.
 
I disagree. She wasn't offended. Women WANT to be considered "hot" by men. It was closeted jealousy that he stepped out of his role as orbitter and into the role of potential mate to another. It's all psychological.
 
There was nothing wrong with what you said.  Maybe if you said it to the actual girl, she might be like wtf, but to anyone else, no.  
Maybe the chick got a new nose or a boob job and your friend was trying to cover it up, maybe she was jealous or offended. Who knows...I would ask your friend.
 
What Callie said.
I don`t think your comment was creepy. Your friend`s reaction comes from her range of perception, only she can explain. Maybe she`s busy now and will reply later, I wouldn`t jump to conclusions. And if no reply comes, is it that important? Some people are like that, making comments without explaining them. I wouldn`t overanalyze that conversation.
 
Seriously................................... Lydia? .. :D :D :D


I think its the word "hot".
Its not always the case, it depends on: 1. relationship with you and Lydia 2. You and ... lets say Ysolda 3. Ysolda and Lydia. (in increasing order of importance)
1. i wouldn't count the possibility of you and lydia to be related. so, this case is not worth considering.

2. You and Ysolda. If you two aren't friends , then it might be weird for her. (look case 3).
but if you are close to each other and 3 is not true, then she might not feel weird.

3. If Ysolda and Lydia are really close to each other, its definitely going to leave her feeling weird. she may even think that its inappropriate.
Like, imagine you are a girl and have a sister. and a guy sends you a message saying that your sister is hot.

But yeah, 2 and 3 are dependent on each other.

So, it depends on these three possibilities.




Whether it was appropriate or not, cannot be decided by other people, some will say it was weird some will say it wasn't. You will not end up with a correct answer. You can't depend on people's opinions on whether it was wrong or not, because what will you conclude if 10 say it was wrong and 10 say it was not?.
The variables are mentioned above, consider those and you will find the correct answer.
 
EveWasFramed said:
It's not creepy - it just seems to bother your friend, but for what reason, I can't imagine.

This. Don't know why it bothered the friend so much.
 
It wouldn't consider it creepy. It might be that they are particularly close friends as M_also_lonely said. Or your friend could have turned into a SJW/gender warrior type.

Next time you speak you could ask her is she considers women calling men 'hot' creepy. If she doesn't see any double standard, or you get a condescending, politicized sort of response about the historic subjugation of women, patriarchy and so on then you might want to distance yourself. Continuing to argue could result in losing that "friend", and worse, negative comments about you made to others.
 
ardour said:
It wouldn't consider it creepy. It might be that they are particularly close friends as  M_also_lonely said. Or your friend could have turned into a SJW/gender warrior type.

Next time you speak you could ask her is she considers women calling men 'hot' creepy.  If she doesn't see any double standard, or you get a condescending, politicized sort of response about the historic subjugation of women, patriarchy and so on then you might want to distance yourself.  Continuing to argue could result in losing that "friend", and worse, negative comments about you made to others.

I agree that this is a distinct possibility.

Normal relations between men and women have been de-normalized.

It is no longer NORMAL for a man to find a woman attractive.

But it is NORMAL for men to piss in the women's restroom.

Next time you text her that, make sure you are using the women's restroom when you hit send. Make sure to include that on your text. If this eases her angst, she might be an SJW.


Or you could explain that you identify as a lesbian trapped in a man's body who finds this girl hot. So, if your other friend objects, she is then homophobic.
 
I'd say she'd be quite Left leaning but I don't think she'd quite be an SJW, I've said a lot of not very PC stuff over the years and she's never really gone off at me about it.

I don't know what to do since I don't know where I stand with her but I figure I won't initiate conversation.
 
I personally don't like being called hot or sexy. I wouldn't say it's creepy or iloffensive but has more of an overt sexual connotation opposed to saying a woman is attractive, beautiful, cute, pretty....see the difference?
Just my 2 cents.
 
I dunno man. In this day and age, it's far too risky to say a woman looks attractive. At all. I'd wager it'll be safer to play russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver than say that a woman looked 'hot' to her friend.
 
Soon, sex will be illegal and we will all be confined to a 200 sq ft coffin apartment with a sex robot and a stationary bike that we have to pedal for twelve hours a day to power the security fence around the city. Oh yes, dystopia is coming! No sex for you!
 
I think its just about having a bit of common sense and not being socially awkward...no need for robots ...men in my option who are socially awkward tend to make an ass of them selves
 
Seahorse said:
I think its just about having a bit of common sense and not being socially awkward...no need for robots ...men in my option who are socially awkward tend to make an ass of them selves

I don't really see how Para made an ass out of himself here though.

A lot of the times these things depend completely on whether or not the other person wants to feel offended on that particular day. It's completely random and arbitrary when dealing with sjw types.
 

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