Being trans...

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Laava

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My life is going well but it is so hard to find someone who doesn't view you as just a sexual object or fetish....I thought this guy and I were falling in love about a year ago, only to tell me flat out that he was using me. I don't dress provocatively and I am actually sweet. I wish society didn't stigmatize us so much.  :(
 
Well this happens when you are a minority or a class of person with stigma attached to them. You get discriminated against. Which...means you must be persistent to find what you want and need.
 
Thanks for the words. I try to be the best I can be but it is hard sometimes...there are times when I get these evil stares and actual threats or get turned down because I am perceived a freak.
 
Laava said:
My life is going well but it is so hard to find someone who doesn't view you as just a sexual object or fetish....I thought this guy and I were falling in love about a year ago, only to tell me flat out that he was using me. I don't dress provocatively and I am actually sweet. I wish society didn't stigmatize us so much.  :(


Everything you say is true. I know much about the Trans plight. I agree with Callie. At a certain point, you need to stop giving a honeysuckle what society thinks and it must be so hard with facebook and all of that social media where people freely give their messed up opinions but look at all the celeberties who get slammed left and right daily. I'm not a Kardashian fan but they get annihilated every second and they don't give a **** what society thinks of them. They just keep on going like it ain't no thing. Anyway, that solves one problem but it doesn't protect you from being an object or fetish for a lot of people. I don't have the answers for that but I would say stay away from them as much as possible. Keep in mind, some of these people are really smart and can fool you very easily.  I know one thing in life, no matter who you are, if you are confidant and are stand firm on your boundries on how you are treated, no one can disrespect you. No one.
 
I'm trying. It's just really hard because I'm part of a minority where it seems like 98% of the people interested only have one thing in mind. I wish the dating pool was much bigger and more diverse like the mainstream.
 
TheRealCallie said:
You are who you are.  Don't worry so much about what society thinks.  You will find someone and they won't give a **** about any of that honeysuckle.

+1 do you.

And also be sure you're looking in the right places for what you want/need. People aren't at that awareness (I mean society) yet that trans people are wholely accepted but things are getting better...

In the meantime, seriously, be proud of who you are. You are more authentic than most people and that's a wonderful trait to have.
 
Laava said:
My life is going well but it is so hard to find someone who doesn't view you as just a sexual object or fetish....I thought this guy and I were falling in love about a year ago, only to tell me flat out that he was using me. I don't dress provocatively and I am actually sweet. I wish society didn't stigmatize us so much.  :(

I have very little experience or knowledge about trans.  I wanted to respond all the same because I do understand social isolation because that has been my life.  Only this year have I begun to understand the gravity of being viewed as an object - prior to this "enlightenment" I figured women enjoy male attention.  It should validate their self image, in my old-thinking.  Now, I've begun seeing these experiences as creating an unsafe environment...being stared at, can be intimidating.  My fiance is the most attractive woman I've ever had the privilege of being with, and up until this point, my old way of thinking was the type of feedback I would give to the women I've been with. (enjoy the attention, I'd say.) Now I know differently because I have seen what she goes through.

Back to you, this probably applies only in another form.  

As for society, patience is the key. Things appear to be changing rather rapidly.  Gays and Transgender...or to sum it all up LGBT - this culture is becoming accepted more and more.  Some parts of the country (USA) are less conservative than others.  Living here in the state of NY, or at least in my portion of the state, it's very conservative. Yet, in this small town I live in it's become more normal to see transgender people shopping at walmart with their partners. Five years ago, this was nothing you would have seen around here. So if it's here, it's probably 10 times more common in the less conservative communities...NYC for instance.  I've walked around there, all over Manhattan Island and the LGBT population appears at ease, and comfortable being out and about, and accepted.

As they say in real estate: location location location.   (hint hint)

The moral of the story, learn the art of dismissal. Believe in who you are, on your own.  Look to yourself for validation, create a life-routine that keeps you safe. If you want to date, I recommend staying off dating sites or apps...and for your own safety, use the old fashioned approach, being introduced via friends or co workers.  Put dating as a low priority, and keep working on yourself, and your situation.  A relationship will happen, when it happens. The key is to not lose yourself or your safety and security, trying to find that relationship. Become a self sufficient "island" - that will make you strong.
 
SophiaGrace said:
TheRealCallie said:
You are who you are.  Don't worry so much about what society thinks.  You will find someone and they won't give a **** about any of that honeysuckle.

+1 do you.

And also be sure you're looking in the right places for what you want/need. People aren't at that awareness (I mean society) yet that trans people are wholely accepted but things are getting better...

In the meantime, seriously, be proud of who you are. You are more authentic than most people and that's a wonderful trait to have.
Thanks! Yes if people think you're inauthentic you're not taken seriously or are viewed as a fetish. I think authenticity should be determined by feelings and personality.


Morrowwrd, yes there is some truth to that...although I think out of the lgbtq community trans people have it the hardest....and being female is tough enough! And that's awesome you found a fiancé. Good luck!
 

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