Being ugly

Rust · Sep 19, 2017

Ugly could mean a lot of things, lack of intelligence, talent, good looks or any number traits that are considered unattractive but I'm going to talk about appearance seeing as it's a major problem for me personally and I'm sure a lot of others too. Let's face it some people are better looking, the Greeks made it into a maths problem for goodness sakes and people are generally attracted to the healthy average in terms of weight, but not all people aren't going to fit into this ideal, in some cases this can be changed this even without surgery but for most of us it can't, this usually goes one of three possible ways, either screeching at everyone who doesn't think you're attractive that you're beautiful and can't be judged (if you do that then I doubt you're beautiful in the inside either, they aren't obligated to find you attractive and no one is above judgement), you could go into a depression becoming obsessed with how your hips don't look right or your eyes are too close together (this can involve projecting you're flaws into others, crash dieting, excessive make up or surgeries ect) or you could accept that you're not good looking and learn to love other parts of yourself, how you helped that person who fell over or how you're good at guitar.

The third option is clearly the best, we all know it, but it's really difficult to think like that when humans by nature are obsessed with being the best at attracting someone. There's not a lot I can do to have everyone think like that except tell you that every minute you spend obsessing over your physical flaws could be spent exercising, doing something you enjoy, studying, helping others or just improving your personality.

I'm going to get some heat for some of the things I said but I don't regret any of it, I'm ugly too so it's not like I can talk down to anyone, also if someone could explain the policy on cursing I'd appreciate it, I'm playing it safe but it's hard when I tended to curse so much irl with friends

TheRealCallie · Sep 19, 2017

Why is it that you think you are ugly? You may have mentioned it in some of your other threads, but I don't recall.

NO ONE is ugly. I don't care if you have one eye and a hunchback, you are still not ugly. As for the three options, you seem to have forgotten a very important one. Accept that you aren't anyone else but yourself and you are unique, you are an individual and it doesn't matter what society thinks.

I can tell you from personal experience NOT to do anything like crash dieting. It will give you more problems than it's worth.

All in all, you aren't ugly. I don't have to see you to know this, you aren't. You are being overly critical of yourself. And if others are telling you that, they are ********.

Oh, and the cursing policy. It's stated in the rules (I think it's posted in the new members forum and somewhere else. Excessive cursing is not allowed, but here and there is okay. Oh and the c word is a BIG no no.

Rust · Sep 19, 2017

TheRealCallie said:
Why is it that you think you are ugly? You may have mentioned it in some of your other threads, but I don't recall.

NO ONE is ugly. I don't care if you have one eye and a hunchback, you are still not ugly. As for the three options, you seem to have forgotten a very important one. Accept that you aren't anyone else but yourself and you are unique, you are an individual and it doesn't matter what society thinks.

I can tell you from personal experience NOT to do anything like crash dieting. It will give you more problems than it's worth.

All in all, you aren't ugly. I don't have to see you to know this, you aren't. You are being overly critical of yourself. And if others are telling you that, they are ********.

Oh, and the cursing policy. It's stated in the rules (I think it's posted in the new members forum and somewhere else. Excessive cursing is not allowed, but here and there is okay. Oh and the c word is a BIG no no.

There are things like golden ratio to measure this stuff but I'm assuming you're taking about "beauty in the eye of the beholder" which is an interesting concept but it's very broad and there are probably other more measurable factors like being more attached to people who remind us of family, seeing as I was talking about a more shallow form of beauty that many people struggle with meaning above average by a universal standard it would be impossible for that to apply to everyone because that would eliminate the point of an average, and I'm aware crash dieting is dangerous that's something I was trying to get across seeing as obsessing over flaws to the point it ruins your life is both counter productive and in extreme cases deadly. The point I was trying to get across was that ugly people can still do well in life as long as they don't obsess over being ugly

As for why I think I'm ugly, that's because by most objective standards I am, the eye of the beholder thing might apply but this is a more measurable way

SophiaGrace · Sep 19, 2017

TheRealCallie said:
Accept that you aren't anyone else but yourself and you are unique, you are an individual and it doesn't matter what society thinks.

Oh, and the cursing policy. It's stated in the rules (I think it's posted in the new members forum and somewhere else. Excessive cursing is not allowed, but here and there is okay. Oh and the c word is a BIG no no.

+1 +1 +1 +1

Also what about your cursing thread?

Xpendable · Sep 20, 2017

If no one is ugly, then no one can be beautiful either.

SophiaGrace · Sep 20, 2017

Xpendable said:
If no one is ugly, then no one can be beautiful either.

This is something I have struggled with most of my life. At this point Idc anymore. I am me. If someone wants to treat me like I am stupid because of how I look then there is something wrong with *them* not me. I refuse to internalize the self image other people try to engrain into me. It isn't healthy.

All I care about is fitting into social norms so people are less likely to reject me because I am odd. People are weird, what can I say? There's a price to pay for being a part of society.

TheRealCallie · Sep 20, 2017

Beauty is subjective. Eye of the beholder. People can be sexy, bit that's mostly the clothes they wear, hair, makeup, that kind of thing. To me, beauty involves the entire package, not just looks. Someone you didn't think was good looking can become good looking when you get to know them. It's all about what attracts you, as an individual, not what society thinks

Rust · Sep 20, 2017

TheRealCallie said:
Beauty is subjective. Eye of the beholder. People can be sexy, bit that's mostly the clothes they wear, hair, makeup, that kind of thing. To me, beauty involves the entire package, not just looks. Someone you didn't think was good looking can become good looking when you get to know them. It's all about what attracts you, as an individual, not what society thinks

People are genetically wired to be attracted to people who look healthy in terms of weight and proportionate, there is some leeway for personal turn ons or deal breakers but that's the fact of the matter. Of course if you're talking about a relationship then personality is important but I was talking about appearance and attraction, I'm not good looking but i don't need to hear the "personality is also important" thing because I already know, this is about coming to terms with this not beating around the bush or downright denying it, we hear enough of that and we wouldn't have any issue with our looks if we were stupid enough to believe it, we know it's just virtue signaling, you're slave to your instinct, stop pretending

TheRealCallie · Sep 20, 2017

People are genetically wired? lol, hardly. They like what they like and I know for a fact that there is a LARGE group of people that would rather have bigger women/men. My ex is one of them and I know quite a few others. Hell, if it wasn't true, there wouldn't be quite a lot of the BBW websites. So don't give me that stop pretending crap. YOU need to come to terms with who YOU are. Until that happens, you will always be "ugly" because YOU think you are. If people aren't attracted to you, maybe it's because you hate yourself....or at least dislike yourself. People can see that. You can try to say you like yourself, if you want, but if that were true, you wouldn't be saying these things.

The fact of the matter is that you are 14. You don't know enough about the world to be forming these opinions and passing them off as fact.

Rust · Sep 20, 2017

TheRealCallie said:
People are genetically wired? lol, hardly. They like what they like and I know for a fact that there is a LARGE group of people that would rather have bigger women/men. My ex is one of them and I know quite a few others. Hell, if it wasn't true, there wouldn't be quite a lot of the BBW websites. So don't give me that stop pretending crap. YOU need to come to terms with who YOU are. Until that happens, you will always be "ugly" because YOU think you are. If people aren't attracted to you, maybe it's because you hate yourself....or at least dislike yourself. People can see that. You can try to say you like yourself, if you want, but if that were true, you wouldn't be saying these things.

The fact of the matter is that you are 14. You don't know enough about the world to be forming these opinions and passing them off as fact.

There are exceptions to these rules, obviously people have kinks, but are you seriously saying that most people aren't going to look for a partner that is a healthy weight and not deformed, that isnt basic instinct? Ncbi has a good thing on facial proportion as well as weight. And where did I say I liked my appearance I know it's bad and although I don't dislike it I don't like it either, I just focus on other things than screeching about how I'm beautiful lol. also, where does my age come in? It's not like what i said wasn't researched and it's kind of annoying when I give information about myself just to have it used against me even when what I had said was from people with degrees in this stuff (the articles on the site I mentioned has the names of scientists)

in case your wondering why I researched that, it's basically exposure therapy so I can come to terms with this stuff better, look it up if you like

And in case you don't know, no one can pass their opinions off as fact, that's why I did research

Xpendable · Sep 20, 2017

[video=youtube]

TheRealCallie · Sep 20, 2017

Rust said:
TheRealCallie said:

People are genetically wired? lol, hardly. They like what they like and I know for a fact that there is a LARGE group of people that would rather have bigger women/men. My ex is one of them and I know quite a few others. Hell, if it wasn't true, there wouldn't be quite a lot of the BBW websites. So don't give me that stop pretending crap. YOU need to come to terms with who YOU are. Until that happens, you will always be "ugly" because YOU think you are. If people aren't attracted to you, maybe it's because you hate yourself....or at least dislike yourself. People can see that. You can try to say you like yourself, if you want, but if that were true, you wouldn't be saying these things.

The fact of the matter is that you are 14. You don't know enough about the world to be forming these opinions and passing them off as fact.

Click to expand...

There are exceptions to these rules, obviously people have kinks, but are you seriously saying that most people aren't going to look for a partner that is a healthy weight and not deformed, that isnt basic instinct? Ncbi has a good thing on facial proportion as well as weight. And where did I say I liked my appearance I know it's bad and although I don't dislike it I don't like it either, I just focus on other things than screeching about how I'm beautiful lol. also, where does my age come in? It's not like what i said wasn't researched and it's kind of annoying when I give information about myself just to have it used against me even when what I had said was from people with degrees in this stuff (the articles on the site I mentioned has the names of scientists)

in case your wondering why I researched that, it's basically exposure therapy so I can come to terms with this stuff better, look it up if you like

And in case you don't know, no one can pass their opinions off as fact, that's why I did research

There are exceptions to EVERY rule. And no, I never said the word most. I said a large group, meaning there are more of them than you think there are. There wouldn't be a large number of BBW sites if there wasn't. But, that's really irrelevant because if you don't like yourself being overweight, do something about it. That is something you can change, but I hope you realize that if you do lose weight to be more attractive to guys, that if/when you do lose the weight, you'll realize that that wasn't the main issue. The main issue is your attitude toward yourself. People can see that. THAT is what isn't attractive, not the extra pounds. I know quite a few bigger women who have "good looking" guys on their arms because they are confident in themselves.

Age comes into it because right now, the majority of teenagers are superficial. They want the looks, they want to have the hottest girl/guy, they want the popularity vote. It's stupid and pointless and not the real world. What I'm saying is that you don't know what the real world is like because you are barely a teenager, you might have seen some things, you might have read some things, but you don't know.

As far as your research, chances are probably pretty high that you are looking at what you want to see. You aren't looking at the whole picture. You aren't looking at BOTH sides are the argument/debate/research/whatever.

I guess my entire point to this is that....regardless of how old you are....people come here (or anywhere really) and complain about how ugly they are, how no one will want them, how worthless they are and will always be alone. In actuality, the truth is more likely that you are alone, you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend because you don't like yourself, you are putting yourself out there wrong, you are subconsciously sabotaging it or your standards are so high and picky that they are basically impossible to achieve. It's not your looks, it's your attitude. Whether you realize it or not, you are putting out a negative vibe when you are so negative all the time, people can see that.

Rust · Sep 20, 2017

TheRealCallie said:
Rust said:

TheRealCallie said:

People are genetically wired? lol, hardly. They like what they like and I know for a fact that there is a LARGE group of people that would rather have bigger women/men. My ex is one of them and I know quite a few others. Hell, if it wasn't true, there wouldn't be quite a lot of the BBW websites. So don't give me that stop pretending crap. YOU need to come to terms with who YOU are. Until that happens, you will always be "ugly" because YOU think you are. If people aren't attracted to you, maybe it's because you hate yourself....or at least dislike yourself. People can see that. You can try to say you like yourself, if you want, but if that were true, you wouldn't be saying these things.

The fact of the matter is that you are 14. You don't know enough about the world to be forming these opinions and passing them off as fact.

Click to expand...

There are exceptions to these rules, obviously people have kinks, but are you seriously saying that most people aren't going to look for a partner that is a healthy weight and not deformed, that isnt basic instinct? Ncbi has a good thing on facial proportion as well as weight. And where did I say I liked my appearance I know it's bad and although I don't dislike it I don't like it either, I just focus on other things than screeching about how I'm beautiful lol. also, where does my age come in? It's not like what i said wasn't researched and it's kind of annoying when I give information about myself just to have it used against me even when what I had said was from people with degrees in this stuff (the articles on the site I mentioned has the names of scientists)

in case your wondering why I researched that, it's basically exposure therapy so I can come to terms with this stuff better, look it up if you like

And in case you don't know, no one can pass their opinions off as fact, that's why I did research

Click to expand...

There are exceptions to EVERY rule. And no, I never said the word most. I said a large group, meaning there are more of them than you think there are. There wouldn't be a large number of BBW sites if there wasn't. But, that's really irrelevant because if you don't like yourself being overweight, do something about it. That is something you can change, but I hope you realize that if you do lose weight to be more attractive to guys, that if/when you do lose the weight, you'll realize that that wasn't the main issue. The main issue is your attitude toward yourself. People can see that. THAT is what isn't attractive, not the extra pounds. I know quite a few bigger women who have "good looking" guys on their arms because they are confident in themselves.

Age comes into it because right now, the majority of teenagers are superficial. They want the looks, they want to have the hottest girl/guy, they want the popularity vote. It's stupid and pointless and not the real world. What I'm saying is that you don't know what the real world is like because you are barely a teenager, you might have seen some things, you might have read some things, but you don't know.

As far as your research, chances are probably pretty high that you are looking at what you want to see. You aren't looking at the whole picture. You aren't looking at BOTH sides are the argument/debate/research/whatever.

I guess my entire point to this is that....regardless of how old you are....people come here (or anywhere really) and complain about how ugly they are, how no one will want them, how worthless they are and will always be alone. In actuality, the truth is more likely that you are alone, you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend because you don't like yourself, you are putting yourself out there wrong, you are subconsciously sabotaging it or your standards are so high and picky that they are basically impossible to achieve. It's not your looks, it's your attitude. Whether you realize it or not, you are putting out a negative vibe when you are so negative all the time, people can see that.

I already explained that I don't hate myself, I'm not even overweight, I'm chubby but I'm medically healthy, I just have a messed up face, which I can't change, as for boys, I have absolutely no interest in that sort of thing, it seems like a surefire way to get backstabbed and I don't even like sappy stuff to begin with. the reason I made that post is so I can come to terms with being ugly. Also if you want me to see the other side of the argument you can direct me to a article by a professional to prove your own points, it's fair that way. Besides the way I see it if scientists have come to an agreement on it then does it really count as being negative or positive? and I don't hate being unattractive so I don't see how it's fair to assume I'm being negative

TheRealCallie · Sep 20, 2017

Sorry, I don't do research for other people on the forum. You'll have to look at the other side yourself.

What you aren't realizing is that you if you don't hate yourself, you do dislike yourself. Why have I come to this conclusion? Because of simple expressions like "messed up face." Now I could go through all your posts and give you more examples of why I think this, but I'm not going to do that either.
You ARE being negative. You are looking to find excuses to call yourself ugly and you are trying to justify it with "a scientist said this, so it must be true." If you want to stop thinking you are ugly, then stop thinking it. It's that simple (notice I didn't say easy). Accept yourself as you are, stop caring what scientists and society thinks and accept yourself completely. But yeah, chances are you aren't ugly at all, most people who say that are actually "average" looking or even "good looking."

Rust · Sep 20, 2017

TheRealCallie said:
Sorry, I don't do research for other people on the forum. You'll have to look at the other side yourself.

What you aren't realizing is that you if you don't hate yourself, you do dislike yourself. Why have I come to this conclusion? Because of simple expressions like "messed up face." Now I could go through all your posts and give you more examples of why I think this, but I'm not going to do that either.
You ARE being negative. You are looking to find excuses to call yourself ugly and you are trying to justify it with "a scientist said this, so it must be true." If you want to stop thinking you are ugly, then stop thinking it. It's that simple (notice I didn't say easy). Accept yourself as you are, stop caring what scientists and society thinks and accept yourself completely. But yeah, chances are you aren't ugly at all, most people who say that are actually "average" looking or even "good looking."

Why would I deny that I'm not good looking? And science does tend to be at the very least partly true. I am accepting myself that was the point of the post, I was accepting myself even though I'm ugly because I have other things to concern myself with that I can actually change. I want to be self aware, honesty is a big thing for me so it makes sense to be honest with myself too. there's no point in denying this part of me, I'll just work harder in other elements of my life, anyway if you're going to claim I'm wrong shouldn't you have at least some sources to give you that idea? I understand not wanting to write a full on essay but it might be nice to know how you even got that idea in the first place and I don't have a lot of posts and I know what I said anyway so it's not like that's relevant either

And if I come off as rude I'm sorry, I just like challenging others to who's view holds out better, I think I've done that to you before actually, only this time I have a belief in what I'm saying. you might be missing the point anyway, seeing as you seem to think I hate myself which was the exact opposite of what I ment

TheRealCallie said:
Sorry, I don't do research for other people on the forum. You'll have to look at the other side yourself.

What you aren't realizing is that you if you don't hate yourself, you do dislike yourself. Why have I come to this conclusion? Because of simple expressions like "messed up face." Now I could go through all your posts and give you more examples of why I think this, but I'm not going to do that either.
You ARE being negative. You are looking to find excuses to call yourself ugly and you are trying to justify it with "a scientist said this, so it must be true." If you want to stop thinking you are ugly, then stop thinking it. It's that simple (notice I didn't say easy). Accept yourself as you are, stop caring what scientists and society thinks and accept yourself completely. But yeah, chances are you aren't ugly at all, most people who say that are actually "average" looking or even "good looking."

Why would I deny that I'm not good looking? And science does tend to be at the very least partly true. I am accepting myself that was the point of the post, I was accepting myself even though I'm ugly because I have other things to concern myself with that I can actually change. I want to be self aware, honesty is a big thing for me so it makes sense to be honest with myself too. there's no point in denying this part of me, I'll just work harder in other elements of my life, anyway if you're going to claim I'm wrong shouldn't you have at least some sources to give you that idea? I understand not wanting to write a full on essay but it might be nice to know how you even got that idea in the first place and I don't have a lot of posts and I know what I said anyway so it's not like that's relevant either

And if I come off as rude I'm sorry, I just like challenging others to who's view holds out better, I think I've done that to you before actually, only this time I have a belief in what I'm saying. you might be missing the point anyway, seeing as you seem to think I hate myself which was the exact opposite of what I ment

VanillaCreme · Sep 20, 2017

My stance on the whole ugly thing is why care if you are ugly or not. All different types of people, look all different types of ways. Ugly, pretty, short, tall, skinny, fat, many folks still manage to get it.

TheRealCallie · Sep 20, 2017

Rust said:
TheRealCallie said:

Sorry, I don't do research for other people on the forum. You'll have to look at the other side yourself.

What you aren't realizing is that you if you don't hate yourself, you do dislike yourself. Why have I come to this conclusion? Because of simple expressions like "messed up face." Now I could go through all your posts and give you more examples of why I think this, but I'm not going to do that either.
You ARE being negative. You are looking to find excuses to call yourself ugly and you are trying to justify it with "a scientist said this, so it must be true." If you want to stop thinking you are ugly, then stop thinking it. It's that simple (notice I didn't say easy). Accept yourself as you are, stop caring what scientists and society thinks and accept yourself completely. But yeah, chances are you aren't ugly at all, most people who say that are actually "average" looking or even "good looking."

Click to expand...

Why would I deny that I'm not good looking? And science does tend to be at the very least partly true. I am accepting myself that was the point of the post, I was accepting myself even though I'm ugly because I have other things to concern myself with that I can actually change. I want to be self aware, honesty is a big thing for me so it makes sense to be honest with myself too. there's no point in denying this part of me, I'll just work harder in other elements of my life, anyway if you're going to claim I'm wrong shouldn't you have at least some sources to give you that idea? I understand not wanting to write a full on essay but it might be nice to know how you even got that idea in the first place and I don't have a lot of posts and I know what I said anyway so it's not like that's relevant either

And if I come off as rude I'm sorry, I just like challenging others to who's view holds out better, I think I've done that to you before actually, only this time I have a belief in what I'm saying. you might be missing the point anyway, seeing as you seem to think I hate myself which was the exact opposite of what I ment

If you think you are ugly you aren't really accepting yourself. If you want to accept yourself, you need to stop thinking that way, because until you stop doing that, you will not be accepting yourself. You are accepting what "science" and "society" says, not what YOU say.
You can be aware of the fact that you aren't the best looking person in the world, but until you stop using and thinking the term ugly, you will never be anything but that.
Honesty is a bit subjective in this situation because while you think it's true, it may not be. A person who adamantly argues that they are ugly generally isn't the best person to judge what is honest and what is coerced by their own negative thoughts. Yes, you do have negative thoughts about yourself. You need to realize that so you can change it.

This isn't really about looks or science. It's about how you think about yourself. What you write says more about what you really think of yourself than your denials about not being negative. I said hate or dislike, not just hate.
I know a little something about hating yourself, because I hated myself for years. I was fat, I thought I was ugly. I lost the weight, I thought I would be home free. I wasn't. It wasn't about how I looked, it was about my mentality. I didn't hate myself because of my weight or how I thought I looked. I hated myself because I didn't accept what my life was, I didn't accept who I was, I was lost, I was a shell. I didn't (COULDN'T) accept myself until I came to terms with the fact that I didn't know everything. Until I realized that I had to actually do something to start liking myself, I had to stop listening to what I thought of myself and start seeing myself through other people's eyes. I was the ONLY one that thought I was ugly. Now I'm not saying that everyone is going to have the same experience as me. But, what I am saying is that you can't see yourself clearly. Most of the people that come here, most of the people that are depressed or anxious or lonely or uncertain can't see themselves clearly. There is a difference between being self aware and seeing what you want to see because it's the easier thing to do. Again, this is where your age comes into play, because you haven't experienced enough of the world yet to honestly judge yourself that way. You are seeing what scientists say, you are seeing what society says, you are seeing what shallow teenagers say. Those are the eyes you are seeing yourself through.

Don't worry about whether you are rude or not. You haven't been and I enjoy a good debate. Until you start insulting me or someone else, you're fine.

Rust · Sep 20, 2017

TheRealCallie said:
Rust said:

TheRealCallie said:

Sorry, I don't do research for other people on the forum. You'll have to look at the other side yourself.

What you aren't realizing is that you if you don't hate yourself, you do dislike yourself. Why have I come to this conclusion? Because of simple expressions like "messed up face." Now I could go through all your posts and give you more examples of why I think this, but I'm not going to do that either.
You ARE being negative. You are looking to find excuses to call yourself ugly and you are trying to justify it with "a scientist said this, so it must be true." If you want to stop thinking you are ugly, then stop thinking it. It's that simple (notice I didn't say easy). Accept yourself as you are, stop caring what scientists and society thinks and accept yourself completely. But yeah, chances are you aren't ugly at all, most people who say that are actually "average" looking or even "good looking."

Click to expand...

Why would I deny that I'm not good looking? And science does tend to be at the very least partly true. I am accepting myself that was the point of the post, I was accepting myself even though I'm ugly because I have other things to concern myself with that I can actually change. I want to be self aware, honesty is a big thing for me so it makes sense to be honest with myself too. there's no point in denying this part of me, I'll just work harder in other elements of my life, anyway if you're going to claim I'm wrong shouldn't you have at least some sources to give you that idea? I understand not wanting to write a full on essay but it might be nice to know how you even got that idea in the first place and I don't have a lot of posts and I know what I said anyway so it's not like that's relevant either

And if I come off as rude I'm sorry, I just like challenging others to who's view holds out better, I think I've done that to you before actually, only this time I have a belief in what I'm saying. you might be missing the point anyway, seeing as you seem to think I hate myself which was the exact opposite of what I ment

Click to expand...

If you think you are ugly you aren't really accepting yourself. If you want to accept yourself, you need to stop thinking that way, because until you stop doing that, you will not be accepting yourself. You are accepting what "science" and "society" says, not what YOU say.
You can be aware of the fact that you aren't the best looking person in the world, but until you stop using and thinking the term ugly, you will never be anything but that.
Honesty is a bit subjective in this situation because while you think it's true, it may not be. A person who adamantly argues that they are ugly generally isn't the best person to judge what is honest and what is coerced by their own negative thoughts. Yes, you do have negative thoughts about yourself. You need to realize that so you can change it.

This isn't really about looks or science. It's about how you think about yourself. What you write says more about what you really think of yourself than your denials about not being negative. I said hate or dislike, not just hate.
I know a little something about hating yourself, because I hated myself for years. I was fat, I thought I was ugly. I lost the weight, I thought I would be home free. I wasn't. It wasn't about how I looked, it was about my mentality. I didn't hate myself because of my weight or how I thought I looked. I hated myself because I didn't accept what my life was, I didn't accept who I was, I was lost, I was a shell. I didn't (COULDN'T) accept myself until I came to terms with the fact that I didn't know everything. Until I realized that I had to actually do something to start liking myself, I had to stop listening to what I thought of myself and start seeing myself through other people's eyes. I was the ONLY one that thought I was ugly. Now I'm not saying that everyone is going to have the same experience as me. But, what I am saying is that you can't see yourself clearly. Most of the people that come here, most of the people that are depressed or anxious or lonely or uncertain can't see themselves clearly. There is a difference between being self aware and seeing what you want to see because it's the easier thing to do. Again, this is where your age comes into play, because you haven't experienced enough of the world yet to honestly judge yourself that way. You are seeing what scientists say, you are seeing what society says, you are seeing what shallow teenagers say. Those are the eyes you are seeing yourself through.

Don't worry about whether you are rude or not. You haven't been and I enjoy a good debate. Until you start insulting me or someone else, you're fine.

I can see where your coming from but again I think you missed the point, I dislike (or hate I'm not focusing on the exact words I use) my appearance but I'm not letting that make me hate other elements of myself, and if you could do me a favor here and for the sake of argument take my word for this, I am a very stubborn person, if someone tells me something beyond common knowledge and do not have hard facts to prove it then I will dismiss them, so if I was being told by others that I'm ugly if these studies didn't exist they would be totally dismissed and even now if they told me I dismiss them because they're telling me something I don't need told and being this way doesn't upset me anyway. This is essentially about changing the way we think about our looks and I don't think this can be made into a debate anymore, I'm the type of person who needs facts in anything, even more abstract thoughts come from a concept of reality, this includes the way I think about myself and what's around me so simply saying I need to believe I thing when studies have been done showing that said belief is impractical in reality I can't deal with it and I'll end up becoming confused about what to think which ends up being far worse for my mental health, it's easier for me to accept a fact and then get on with life.

The reason I made that post is because in the nicest way possible, people who think like you are everywhere, you can separate the way you think about your looks from everything and consider yourself beautiful in your own way, which is something I really envy. I made that post because I doubt I'm the only one who finds this way of thinking impossible so maybe it'd encourage those people to do better in life rather than becoming depressed and end up hating all of themselves although appearance is just a small part of them.

We're basically arguing about who's way of thinking is better, I have a very difficult time accepting your way of thinking because I factor emotion out of arguments but with something like this it's really hard to argue because your entire argument is based on emotion, so it's probably easier just to get on with life unless you have a study of some kind

TheRealCallie · Sep 20, 2017

Yeah, I found it impossible to think any other way than the way you do at one point in time too. I thought it was never going to be any different. Almost nothing is impossible, you just have to want it enough and work harder than you've ever worked before to achieve it.

As for studies. You like researching so much, why don't YOU try to find it.

Xpendable · Sep 20, 2017

Search for the Halo Effect. Well documented.

Being ugly

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