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LostLiving

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Hello everyone,
Before I start venting out my feelings, I just want to mention english is not my mother tongue and therefor spelling and grammar might not be up to par of what you guys might normally expect here on A Lonely Life. I'll do my best to express and explain my thoughts.

Alright so where do I start? I'm a 26 years old male whom recently dropped out of university. I was in my second year to become a software engineer and I did quite poorly already from the start, main reason would be I simply lack the motivation to do anything academically. Computer subjects used to be my thing but since turning in to my 20s it's been slowly and steady drifting away. Now I live with my father, I don't pay rent and I can eat whatever there is in the kitchen. To put it bluntly, I have a comfortable life to the point I would admittedly say I'm very spoiled. Imagine living in my mothers basement kind of scenario. 

Both my parents are great, ever since a kid they gave me the freedom to do whatever I want, considering we're asians and they were raised in a very poor and conservative environment not a lot of it reflected on my childhood. Throughout my life so far I've been drifting doing nothing that remotely get me somewhere career wise, I did a 2,5 year attempt in the the film industry but that didn't go well, or rather I got myself overworked with 12+ hours a day so I quit. Studying to become a software engineer would get me a job instantly and a career to work on but I lack the passion so I just dropped it. I've been moving out three times now and all of them just end up just back to my fathers house. 

I had a face to face talk with both my parents not too long ago regarding me dropping out, they were extremely worried and angry for obvious reasons and my father even broke down, he had his hand on the chest where the heart was and just cried. He was in so much pain and so devastated, seeing that made me feel so shameful. Now they have a good-for-nothing son who haven't accomplished anything in life. I love my parents more than anything, my intentions never was to disappoint them. Their expectations of me were no where near things like to be a doctor, lawyer or anything stereotypical like that, it was rather just something so I can stand on my own feet and have a joyful and steady life. My own expecations of myself was similar so that makes everything slightly more bitter.

My current plan now is to move out again and find a job in a different city and meet new people, force myself to face challenges of whatever going to happend. If I don't like the job I move on to the next and repeat that until I find something I actually like, a place where I belong. Maybe do some traveling as well, get to know myself better. I need to develop as a person to be responsible and find myself. At the same time drifting like this is scary, what if I never find that place? It's not like I expect to find THE perfect place and like everything about it, everything has it's up and downs but I'm not quite sure where I draw the line. Is good enough good?

Well this is the short condensed version of how I feel at this very moment, there is much more that is still unpacked but this pretty much sums up where I am right now. What do you guys think?  Should I do something different? I'm all ears for advice and critism.

Thank you for reading.
 
I think it's great that you've examined yourself and know where you fall short. You have good intentions and a plan on where to start. I'd say you're already half way to your goal because of those things. 

The problem, I think, is that you have too many choices and oftentimes that can be paralyzing.  You're afraid of making a wrong choice by commiting to a job. I think you should choose one job you're good at or can be good at and then stick with that until you become brilliant at it, to keep changing work environments but sticking to the same line of job and climbing the career ladder. Cal Newport wrote a book about it claiming that happiness in work is dependent on how good your are at your job and that the only way to be good at it is to force yourself to learn the necessary skills. He says, "Don’t follow your passion; rather, let it follow you in your quest to become, in the words of my favorite Steve Martin quote, “so good that they can’t ignore you". He also said, "Work is hard so suck it up"

I recommend you give that book a try, it can be quite enlightening.
 
Sounds about right everything you said Wordy. I also think I have a problem with committing to just one thing. I'll give that book a try, the quote you mentioned makes a lot of sense.

Thank you for your kind words!
 

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