Depression and Random Impulses

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jean-vic

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I've had depression since I can remember. It is always there, as anyone with depression knows, but there are times when it isn't as pervasive, in my experience. However, I've recently had a flare up and I'm getting the old familiar feelings. However, this time, the usually depressive symptoms have been accompanied by strange impulses. I have an urge to smoke cigarettes which I've never done before. I have an urge to smoke weed, and I've always been averse to drugs. Just the other day, I was sat at home and I had this strong impulse to go upstairs and shave my head. I haven't done any of these things, but thought it strange that I would have these impulses from out of the blue. 

Anyone else get strange impulses when depressed?
 
Yeah, I become desperate for diversion when I'm in the throes of depression. Usually, my impulses just lead to me shoving my face into a box of Cheez-Its, though. Strangely enough, I've had the same urge to shave my head when I'm upset.
 
Erasercrumbs said:
Yeah, I become desperate for diversion when I'm in the throes of depression. Usually, my impulses just lead to me shoving my face into a box of Cheez-Its, though. Strangely enough, I've had the same urge to shave my head when I'm upset.


So strange. I wonder if it's an inner desire to shed one's identity.
 
jean-vic said:
Erasercrumbs said:
Yeah, I become desperate for diversion when I'm in the throes of depression. Usually, my impulses just lead to me shoving my face into a box of Cheez-Its, though. Strangely enough, I've had the same urge to shave my head when I'm upset.


So strange. I wonder if it's an inner desire to shed one's identity.

Sounds likely. Usually such a manic impulse makes me feel that I have to quickly change something, anything, to change myself. 

I've gone through with the whole head shaving thing in the past, and the results are not pretty. My head winds up looking like a big toe with a itty-bitty face drawn on.
 
Erasercrumbs said:
jean-vic said:
Erasercrumbs said:
Yeah, I become desperate for diversion when I'm in the throes of depression. Usually, my impulses just lead to me shoving my face into a box of Cheez-Its, though. Strangely enough, I've had the same urge to shave my head when I'm upset.


So strange. I wonder if it's an inner desire to shed one's identity.

Sounds likely. Usually such a manic impulse makes me feel that I have to quickly change something, anything, to change myself. 

I've gone through with the whole head shaving thing in the past, and the results are not pretty. My head winds up looking like a big toe with a itty-bitty face drawn on.

That's a great look.
 
I used to shave my head quite regularly. However, I would also shave my head at times of very real upset. When I was depressed, I battled sudden impulses to hurt myself, fortunately.
 
Because i have a thought or a feeling does not mean I must act upon it.  Having had many unhealthy thoughts throughout the day, I do not put if any of those thoughts into action.  When I dwell on those unhealthy thoughts I find myself becoming overwhelmed by them.  I came across this Bible verse and it made much sense.  Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.
When I do that, those negative ones vanish.  Interestingly when I do not do that, I end up focusing on my negative thoughts, and they only tend to become magnified- then it seems that those unhealthy thoughts tend to take over my life and my thinking.  I don’t know if you have a faith system, but I read a powerful Bible verse recently that said, bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ…”  When I take those unhealthy thoughts and give them to Christ, then focus on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.  Then I can get through another day, another hour, or sometimes another minute.  
 
I start fights with people from my past in hopes of making them as miserable as I am.
 
Jafo said:
I start fights with people from my past in hopes of making them as miserable as I am.

Living well is the best revenge.

Showing them you are miserable does nothing to hurt them.
 
Every once in a while I get the urge to bang my head repeatedly against a wall (which I never do) until I bleed and then want to draw something with the blood.
 
I tried everything on the Internet. Fought it for 5-6 years. Nothing worked. And it never does. You can see my older threads.

The only thing worked for me is the spiritual approach.
At first it seemed laughable.
Then it seemed impossible.
Then it was frustrating.
But soon, it was working. Other so called techniques will make you try to trick yourself into believing that you are not depressed. Etc. Everything is bullshit.
But keep this thing in mind, it is the most difficult approach. But only in the earlier stages.
Its difficult because we find a subtle comfort in our depression. We have its habit. That's why most people won't take this approach. But if you really want freedom, try it.
 

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