It didn't get better for me

Some while ago, i posted about my troubles with life and school on here. i recieved some messages that helped me for some time and told me it would get better. Soon after i was expelled from uni cause of a group project and got used to "not having friends". I tried everything in my power to improve myself as a person to be like those that sit at the cafe and have a good time, or like those that go to work and have something they are good at. I am now sitting here nearly 4 years after my first thread, and i can tell you it hasn't gotten any better for me, it actually got worse. I am not a perfect person, but i all through these painful last few years i always thought "Why me?".

My Mental state has become worse, i still live at home, no money,haven't been able to get a job - no matter what i do with the CV. Sometimes i wonder what i did in my past to deserve this. i have just giving up hope at this point. i probably sent out about 800 job applications in the last year and my mail box is filled with rejections and not a single interview invite. My vision is getting worse and so are my other senses.
i tried studying Programming in the last few months in the hope of getting anywhere with it, but i also failed at that.

sometimes i wished for my siblings to experience what i am experiencing, but tbh i don't want them to go through with the chaos that i have been through. all hope is lost for me, my future is the nightmare i tried to avoid my whole life, but i guess i gotta live a life filled with anxierty, embarresment and sadness.

Hi Crazyguy123, I'm sorry to hear things have been going so rough for you. I joined this group nearly 10 years ago when I was in high school. I did ok in Uni, I managed to make some friends and graduated barely scrapping by with a 3.03 gpa. Then i moved back home and pretty much all my friends then moved away out of state. I worked a few temporary jobs while I applied to permanent jobs and study abroad programs and I didn't get accepted to either of those. I started getting depressed and then the rates for my psychiatrist to get my meds rose to $90 a month. So I kind of "forgot" to take them which wasn't good and I ended up getting hospitalized for mental issues. It took about 5 months for me to recover, then another 4 months to find a halfway house that would take me in. Now I have no idea what my future will hold, I've just spent the last few months here, going online, going to the gym and taking naps.

I don't know if this helps at all but you're not the only one who's been disappointed by the future. But you're still pretty young, have you tried volunteering anywhere? I did a few volunteer tree plantings this past spring and it was nice to get outside and interact with other people. I'm sorry programming didn't pan out for you, but there's still different skills you can learn online like learning a new language, sites such as duolingo or speaky can help you with that.

I hope that helps a little, but it's not over till it's over and I hope things turn around for you

*hugs*

evanescencefan912 said:

Hi Crazyguy123,  I'm sorry to hear things have been going so rough for you.  I joined this group nearly 10 years ago when I was in high school.  I did ok in Uni, I managed to make some friends and graduated barely scrapping by with a 3.03 gpa.  Then i moved back home and pretty much all my friends then moved away out of state.  I worked a few temporary jobs while I applied to permanent jobs and study abroad programs and I didn't get accepted to either of those.  I started getting depressed and then the  rates for my psychiatrist to get my meds rose to $90 a month.  So I kind of "forgot" to take them which wasn't good and I ended up getting hospitalized for mental issues. It took about 5 months for me to recover, then another 4 months to find a halfway house that would take me in.  Now I have no idea what my future will hold, I've just spent the last few months here, going online, going to the gym and taking naps.

I don't know if this helps at all but you're not the only one who's been disappointed by the future.  But you're still pretty young, have you tried volunteering anywhere?  I did a few volunteer tree plantings this past spring and it was nice to get outside and interact with other people. I'm sorry programming didn't pan out for you, but there's still different skills you can learn online like learning a new language, sites such as duolingo or speaky can help you with that.

I hope that helps a little, but it's not over till it's over and I hope things turn around for you

*hugs*  

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people basically got careers where i am, and the the things i have gone through the last few years has just made me so desperate....i am not the type of person that cries out to people in public, but **** if i don't die on the inside.

Thanks on the advice about learning a new language...tried french and spanish with duolingo, but their new "pay or wait" method didn't do it for me or help me. 

Also glad to hear that you are recovered.