Just venting

Feeling pissed. All weekend everyone else was out in full force, enjoying the nice fall weather. Couples holding hands and kissing in public everywhere I go. 

The only two people I consider friends very rarely invite me to do anything. I'm crazy for a girl whom I rarely see and likely doesn't give a honeysuckle about me. I'm constantly thinking about her and have toxic thoughts of her being with other guys.

Every day is the same. I go to work. Go home. Lay in bed til I pass out. Repeat. There's nothing to do where I live. I feel like I'm just waiting out til I die or finally build the courage to off myself. 

I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm alone, I'm bitter, I feel like punching a wall or throwing something. I feel like I'm obsessing over my situation and it's hurting, but I can't shut off my human desire for intimacy like a mindless robot. All the distractions in the world don't take away the loneliness that's constantly hanging over me. No matter where I go or what I do, I'm reminded that I'm single. A 22 KHV. I've had it with everything. I wished I could kill this tiny spec of hope deep inside that gets me up every day.

Have one of those once a week.

Do not surrender.  This bad time will pass.....somehow.  Be looking, awake and aware to be able to see an opportunity for something better, when it comes.

Besides work, what else do you do? I feel that you need to be involved with something. Find a group of people interested in the same things you are. Take a class, learn a new skill. Either will put you into contact with other people.

that's me everyday, without the girl in my head that i'm crazy about and who also doesn't give a honeysuckle about me. (although i did have one of those last year and i spent a few times at the park, alone in the car, crying my eyes out wondering when i'll ever have a girlfriend. but that's a story for another time.) joined some meetup groups but nobody shows up to them, or the organizers very rarely post any meetups. i start conversations on there but nobody responds. so most of the time i sleep my days away, making sure to take my melatonin.