I am so lost

I am perpetually on this same cycle for the last 8 years. Surrounded by jerks. Everytime i meet someone knew they turn out to be jerks too. Every. Single. Time. They say some really shitty stuff and when I stand up for myself by calling them on it, they double down on being ******** instead of feeling bad, remoursefull or wrong about anything they said or done. That's the standard now a days. Then, on a different note, in a different situation entirely, I am mad at myself for acting the same **** way in certain situations that I promised myself for 8 years now I wouldn't act in. I feel so ashamed of myself. I let people walk all over me and give them my smiles and my laughs when they don't deserve any of it. I promise myself I won't let my gaurd down, but I always, always, do. I've had this talk with myself millions of times, but yet break my promise to myself millions of times. Why can't i be strong? Why do I just lose myself in the moment and let people dictate my attitude? I'm really confused about everything and I really wish I had someone to talk to about these things but no one is interested. It's a boring topic and a petty topic to them I suppose. Funny thing is, when it happens to them, it's not so petty anymore. But when it comes to me, it's always petty.

I have no idea what "shitty stuff" entails, but why let it bother you? Why not just brush it off and refuse to let it bother you. Instead of saying something, why not just roll your eyes and walk away or something? Save yourself the trouble of wasting your breath.

Something about your personality attracts them. Either you have some physical trait or behavioral trait.

If you have a pitch voice and scrawny body, then there is nothing you can do about it.

Dont consider a human as something special such as perceived by religious figures or legal authorities.

Humans are no better than monkeys, dogs, cats, mice, pigeons, salmon fish.

Treat them like trash if they cross your borders.

No one has the right to disrespect you to wind you up.