New boss is beginning to realize I am anti-social

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morrowrd

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I like him, hate the staff...who are almost all female. Most are all flirting and butterflying around doing his bidding. I've been at this job since 91 and it's never been so icky as it is now. I like the new boss....but I have had HUGE boundaries, not talking to him about personal things, just business, work stuff.  This is willful because my last boss, new too much about me, but was both my biggest supporter and my biggest underminer. 


I am both used to being not liked, but at the same time wondering why. I'm not that unreasonable of a person, I'm respectful, yet people (not all) but most tend to clash with me.

To the point, my new boss now has been very business-like with me. I'm guessing it's because I have been that way with him, yet he always was so cheerful and appreciative. Now, its minimal conatact and strictly business when he does communicate. Not like I'm unhappy with that, but it's just another nail in the coffin of "people don't really like me."
 
Same. People are mostly needy creatures who can't functionally compartmentalize. It sounds like you compartmentalize quite well. So do I. Nobody at work knows much, if anything, about my personal life. This is by design. It's because I have no delusions that these people are my "friends" or "confidants." Quite the opposite. However, I am polite, professional, respectful, easygoing, and hardworking. Still, you can see the looks because you fit into this clique or that clique. Essentially, it's kindergarten. Keep your boundaries, but show no sign of discomfort or uneasiness.
 
bleed_the_freak said:
Same. People are mostly needy creatures who can't functionally compartmentalize. It sounds like you compartmentalize quite well. So do I. Nobody at work knows much, if anything, about my personal life. This is by design. It's because I have no delusions that these people are my "friends" or "confidants." Quite the opposite. However, I am polite, professional, respectful, easygoing, and hardworking. Still, you can see the looks because you fit into this clique or that clique. Essentially, it's kindergarten. Keep your boundaries, but show no sign of discomfort or uneasiness.

Thanks... one thing I like about these forums is to find people who are like you. Or in this case, like me.
 
Would you rather make money or make friends? Yeah friends are great but will your friends pay your bills at the end of the month? Just a food for thought. I'm a supervisor and I like to think I'm very outgoing and a wonderful person but at the same time I keep my co workers professional at all times. I don't go drama or unprofessional people.
 
Haha thought at first this was admins fighting. *ba*da*doom*.

*clapping.....*

Thank you.
 
Like you, I keep my life very private where I work.  At work, I would consider myself very outgoing, friendly, and willing to go the extra mile, but on a very business/professional level.  When it comes times to share personal items about family, feelings, etc., I normally keep those to myself.  In the end, doing so has probably hurt me professionally for, I would guess, that since I don't share private details about myself, others have a sense of either they can't rust me (or I don't trust them), that I think I' better than them, etc...all which are incorrect.  I just choose to keep things on a professional level at work and not to reveal personal items.  So I can relate where you are coming from.  It also probably explains why I have never had any close friends in my entire life.  I guess throughout the years when I did share something personal about myself with others, that information would get out to a larger audience or eventually be used against me.  So, I guess, after those occurrences, I just felt, for self-preservation, to keep my personal life hidden from others.
 
I don't mean to be a jerk. But some people stop with run-on sentences and paragraphs as big as the entire forum page?
Thanks.


GizmonicScrewdriver said:
I don't mean to be a jerk. But some people stop with run-on sentences and paragraphs as big as the entire forum page?
Thanks.

Ok I get now. I'm very sorry.


OK, more ppl to do work, I can haunt the message board again. YAY!
 
getfuzzy said:
Like you, I keep my life very private where I work.  At work, I would consider myself very outgoing, friendly, and willing to go the extra mile, but on a very business/professional level.  When it comes times to share personal items about family, feelings, etc., I normally keep those to myself.  In the end, doing so has probably hurt me professionally for, I would guess, that since I don't share private details about myself, others have a sense of either they can't rust me (or I don't trust them), that I think I' better than them, etc...all which are incorrect.  I just choose to keep things on a professional level at work and not to reveal personal items.  So I can relate where you are coming from.  It also probably explains why I have never had any close friends in my entire life.  I guess throughout the years when I did share something personal about myself with others, that information would get out to a larger audience or eventually be used against me.  So, I guess, after those occurrences, I just felt, for self-preservation, to keep my personal life hidden from others.

Thanks for sharing this. We have alot in common.

This has been my life. I open up, and regret it..I keep boundaries up and strong, I stay "safe" but never make any close friends. If I attempt to make acquaintance relationships go beyond that boundary, I usually get burned. I actually told my boss he has social skills at 30 that I wish I had now in my 50's. 

You have to accept who you are and work with it. People don't like me, up close.  They're ok with the "boundaries me." I am grateful I have been successful in romantic relationships. Thank ******* GOD for online dating for men like me. Although.....my fiancee was a co worker who had a crush on me for 13 years, so in the end time and place counted more than anything. Weird how life works.
 
Lots of people have problems when I tell them my social life is outside my work and not in it. They have difficulty with the seperation and think that you're supposed to be friends at work. I'm not. I enjoy my work collegues, but that's all they are; collegues. I wouldn't go eating with them outside of work.
Works for me.
Your boss should understand the need for seperation. Maybe you should remind him.
 

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