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What are some ways to improve self-esteem?
#51
Twiggy, my self-esteem was low always, from childhood to now.
No matter what I do, people around me forever will be better, much better than me.
No matter what I do, people around me never accept me, never understand me, never appreciate me.
So I think self-esteem is something that rooted too deep, something incurable.
It is only my personal experience.
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#52
(12-01-2018, 02:06 AM)Paul Bauman Wrote: Twiggy, my self-esteem was low always, from childhood to now.
No matter what I do, people around me forever will be better, much better than me.
No matter what I do, people around me never accept me, never understand me, never appreciate me.
So I think self-esteem is something that rooted too deep, something incurable.
It is only my personal experience.

Doesn't sound like you accept, understand or appreciate yourself, so how could other people?  You do kind of throw out a negative vibe. 

It's never too late to change that and self-esteem issues may be difficult to overcome, but definitely not impossible.  Change you outlook, change your life.
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM 

[Image: Quotefancy-19173-3840x2160.jpg?resize=1165%2C655&ssl=1]
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#53
(12-01-2018, 02:06 AM)Paul Bauman Wrote: Twiggy, my self-esteem was low always, from childhood to now.
No matter what I do, people around me forever will be better, much better than me.
No matter what I do, people around me never accept me, never understand me, never appreciate me.
So I think self-esteem is something that rooted too deep, something incurable.
It is only my personal experience.

Have you tried focusing on you and forgetting 'other people' for a while? Comparing ourselves to others only leads to a joyless existance - been there.  I decided a while ago that doing this has no value, it serves me in no way at all, so therefore it is pointless going there - you kind of need to decide not to do it and commit to this. 

I had low self esteem in childhood up until my late twenties really, and yes it can come back to haunt me sometimes but generally I feel pretty comfortable in my skin these days.  Every time I feel it now I can work out why, I can see what it is I am not doing, what it is I need and thus a way forwards. It always starts with self care for me, have you tried investing in taking care of yourself Paul? Every day?  

Dont know if you consider yourself to be a rational thinker? Or if you can get irrational sometimes too? Trying to approach everything with rationality helps for sure, when we can think what's the bigger picture here?  T.x
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#54
(12-01-2018, 02:06 AM)Paul Bauman Wrote: Twiggy, my self-esteem was low always, from childhood to now.
No matter what I do, people around me forever will be better, much better than me.
No matter what I do, people around me never accept me, never understand me, never appreciate me.
So I think self-esteem is something that rooted too deep, something incurable.
It is only my personal experience.

No one person is better than anyone else.
They might be better at some things than you are... and you are likely better than them at something else.
It doesn't matter if other people don't accept you, or understand you, or appreciate you.
It's completely natural to want that, but it doesn't really matter if they do or not.
It is not a reflection of your worth. Your self esteem is how YOU see yourself, not others.
If other people treat you a certain way your whole life, it's understandable why you might start to
think it's because of you. That's why so many abused individuals have low self esteem.
They think they're worthless because other people have treated them as worthless.
Are they right? Of course not. The way others treat you only proves how little they think of themselves
because they are trying to make you smaller. It doesn't mean anything about your value as a human being.

Twiggy is right. Focus on yourself. Find your strengths. What do YOU like about yourself?
That's really the whole point of the mirror exercise... although that's just one method.
What things do you LIKE or ENJOY doing?
In your honest opinion, are you pretty good at those things?
You don't have to be perfect, just appreciate your own skill.
Do you try to improve those skills, or is it just a natural talent?
Natural talent is rare... generally, if you're good at something it's because you like it and you enjoy practicing it.

If your perception is that other people are better at everything no matter what it is you do...

Instead of envying others skills, you can express admiration. Maybe you can learn from them if they
really are more skilled at whatever the subject/activity is. I'm sure they would appreciate being told
that they are doing well.

In reality, they probably think the same thing about themselves, that everyone else is better at "this" (whatever "this" is) and that they don't measure up.
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#55
I see wise words here.
It has sense.
I must think about it.

My problem is that I too used to be despised -- by my mother, by my teachers, by my colleagues, etc.
They programmed me -- to consider myself weak, bad and worthsless.
I used to it and could not change my point of view.

You are right -- I must be more rational about self esteem. No matter what they said -- they can be wrong.

> Instead of envying others skills, you can express admiration.
You are right. It is useful habit.
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#56
I hope this is not redundant, but an obvious possibility is change of venue.

This is almost a cliche.   An American band is losing popularity, but suddenly they become
fashionable in Japan, and their careers are saved.

In sports.  Mess up?   You leave home and go on a "road trip" to play elsewhere.

Maybe you're in a relationship and that person now treats you like dirt.
Go meet someone in a place that is TOTALLY different from where you met them.
She is a rich girl?  Go to a dive bar and pick up a girl that works in Wal Mart.

Different places and different people are going to put different values on you.

That can trigger changes in how you see yourself.

A song that might make sense to you:

I got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack.


I went out for ride, and I never went back.

Like a river that don't know where it's flowin'

I took a wrong turn and I just kept goin'

Bruce springsteen
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#57
(12-01-2018, 01:52 PM)Paul Bauman Wrote: I see wise words here.
It has sense.
I must think about it.

My problem is that I too used to be despised -- by my mother, by my teachers, by my colleagues, etc.
They programmed me -- to consider myself weak, bad and worthsless.
I used to it and could not change my point of view.

You are right -- I must be more rational about self esteem. No matter what they said -- they can be wrong.

> Instead of envying others skills, you can express admiration.
You are right. It is useful habit.

,

,


Well, of course I would never suggest that you track down these teachers, etc
and beat the living shit out of them, smash car windshield, set their house on fire.

That would not at all be what they deserve and perfect justice. So of course I am not
saying be a man and kick ass.


,
,
,
,
Reply
#58
(01-12-2019, 01:47 AM)bearcat22 Wrote:
(12-01-2018, 01:52 PM)Paul Bauman Wrote: I see wise words here.
It has sense.
I must think about it.

My problem is that I too used to be despised -- by my mother, by my teachers, by my colleagues, etc.
They programmed me -- to consider myself weak, bad and worthsless.
I used to it and could not change my point of view.

You are right -- I must be more rational about self esteem. No matter what they said -- they can be wrong.

> Instead of envying others skills, you can express admiration.
You are right. It is useful habit.

,

,


Well, of course I would never suggest that you track down these teachers, etc
and beat the living shit out of them, smash car windshield, set their house on fire.

That would not at all be what they deserve and perfect justice. So of course I am not
saying be a man and kick ass.


,
,
,
,

What is wrong with you?
This thread is meant to help people, not to be used to spread around your hatred and anger.
I hope you can figure out how to help yourself at some point, but until then... There are actual people who want to be helped that read these posts.
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#59
I have a tendency to exhaust myself...on purpose. Mentally and physically.
If I can get started with the order of getting up on time in the morning, and having coffee and breakfast, everything else is down hill for me.
I exhaust myself on purpose by bullet-list working down objective priorities because it's therapeutic for me to do so.
It helps with my self esteem to have that sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.
The trouble is getting the stars to align. It has to start with coffee and breakfast for me, and I have to eliminate as many variables in between my schedule as possible, hence the mental exhaustion part. I even went as far as to alter my sleeping and eating patterns to pull it off.
Sometimes that works for people, sometimes it doesn't, and sometimes it's just a matter of getting the timing right. It all depends upon the person and situation.
"Of Fire in Nature, Love in Spirit unkenned,
Life, hath no axle, no spring, and no End"
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#60
Build proficiency in a craft.
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