I guess its time

Not really sure what to say here.  I suppose most can guess why I'm here, but here are some particulars.  I'm almost 50, and from my login, you can guess I'm a chef.  We live a strange life in a lot of ways.  Works nights mainly, work weekends, have odd days off.  I'm lucky to have advanced to a job where I have weekends off now, don't work late hours, only work about 50 hours a week, far less than the norm.  Trouble is, when you're in the industry, your work friends all work those same hours.  You don't have many friends outside the industry, since your time off doesn't coincide with theirs.  Since taking a job where my time doesn't coincide with my industry co-horts, so I'm in the worst of both worlds.  No work friends, not many outside friends.  At my age, meeting new people is a challenge.  Most are married, have kids, have their own challenges.  Same goes for my older brothers and sisters, so no real family time either.  We try to get together, but its only a couple times a year usually.  Guess I'm not sure what I'm looking for, outside of a "Hello", and maybe the chance to swap stories with someone, or someones.  

Best of luck to all who fight this fight.  I realize many people have it worse than I do across this big blue ball of a planet, so I take some solace in that.  Just hoping to connect with someone, anyone.

When do you find yourself feeling the loneliest? On the weekends?

Thanks for the reply mossy. Just about anytime really. If by odd chance I'm out doing something, which isn't often, I don't feel it so much. But, like I said, that's not often. Most of the time, I spend weekends waiting for them to end, sadly, so that I can go back to work, and I'm certainly don't consider myself a workaholic. Its just that when I'm there, I can interact, find that human element that I think we all need.

Edited the wrong window. Go on.

Hello achefslife. It's good to have you here and it's good to have another older member in the forum. I hope you find what you're looking for here.

Thank you constant. Not sure why I'm here really. Part of me feels like the lead character from Clerks...I'm not supposed to be here. Another part feels like I'm home.

I like it here.  i keep it kind of anonymous but it's fun to share experiences and feel like a positive friend.  

I've been in a similar industry with extremely long hours, and in my older age I'm getting kind of burnt out on the similarity of personalities in all of us.  It's like we're all creative, boozy, hardworking nomads who dress the same and make the same jokes, all making a temporary end product the center of our lives.  There is a financial reward, but the cost of a social life and family is higher in my opinion.   Some people have families and partners at home, but the team spends so much time together that I think most seem to end up feeling like the team is their family (a temporary delusion in my experience) and I always wonder how this works for their partner back home.  You have to have an extremely understanding partner who likes doing things by themselves to keep these kind of hours.   


Do you make your team call you "Chef" when they address you?  I love and hate that

achefslife said:

Thank you constant.  Not sure why I'm here really.  Part of me feels like the lead character from Clerks...I'm not supposed to be here.  Another part feels like I'm home.

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Knowing that we belong to and with something or someplace is as important as food and shelter from the elements.  People like me and a few others around here, who have issues with belonging somewhere or with someone, come to sites like this.....basically artificial social networks to compensate for or complement their real-life shortcomings.  I have a real-world life.....of a sort....but I take some comfort in knowing that the ALL community is as available as turning on my PC.

Littlefish, I've been able to avoid the boozery that goes along with this industry, somehow. I had my demons with alcohol in the past, but I've left them there, in the past. The cost to me from the societal or familial standpoint was when I was still early in my career in this industry. Ironically, as I've gone farther in my career, those relationships have become almost non-existent. Its a difficult life to have a partner in, thats for sure. Not many are able to accomplish success in both arenas at the same time. And no, I do not require my team to call me "Chef". Among my colleagues, however, its pretty much a constant. I work for a large food service provider, and we all use the term amongst ourselves, more out of respect than anything. I will admit, its not my thing really. However, knowing what it takes to be truly successful in the industry, to a level where you can say, "I'm comfortable", I appreciate the term when its used, and use it with the same respect and appreciation for that have toiled in it. I don't think many people have a true appreciation of what it takes....the hours, the demands, the expectations, the education, the learning. Most people tend to think chefs put food on plates. That's actually a very small percentage of my time, at this level at least.

Constant, I'm hoping I find that same feeling. I'm approaching the age where finding a partner to spend time with is become more and more like a needle in a haystack. I've always felt a bit like a square peg in a round hole. For a long time, I did what I could to try and pigeon hole myself into this world in a manner where I felt I belonged. At this point in my life, I'm more like, "meh, let the world adapt to me instead". My circle of friends is extremely small, and my family is spread out all across the country. However, like a wise man once said, "I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies".

achefslife said:

Not really sure what to say here.  I suppose most can guess why I'm here, but here are some particulars.  I'm almost 50, and from my login, you can guess I'm a chef.  We live a strange life in a lot of ways.  Works nights mainly, work weekends, have odd days off.  I'm lucky to have advanced to a job where I have weekends off now, don't work late hours, only work about 50 hours a week, far less than the norm.  Trouble is, when you're in the industry, your work friends all work those same hours.  You don't have many friends outside the industry, since your time off doesn't coincide with theirs.  Since taking a job where my time doesn't coincide with my industry co-horts, so I'm in the worst of both worlds.  No work friends, not many outside friends.  At my age, meeting new people is a challenge.  Most are married, have kids, have their own challenges.  Same goes for my older brothers and sisters, so no real family time either.  We try to get together, but its only a couple times a year usually.  Guess I'm not sure what I'm looking for, outside of a "Hello", and maybe the chance to swap stories with someone, or someones.  

Best of luck to all who fight this fight.  I realize many people have it worse than I do across this big blue ball of a planet, so I take some solace in that.  Just hoping to connect with someone, anyone.

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I'm not a chef, but I certainly now how difficult it get be to develop friends at work.  I work about 45 minutes (one way) from my work...so its difficult to get together with people after work, one weekends, etc because I "live out of town".  I don't even get a chance to "bump" into someone I work with at a grocery store, at a kid's game, etc.  As such, it does make it hard to make work friends, and on the road so much on a daily basis makes it tough to makes friends when I get home...so I feel for you.

I have no idea what it's like to be a chef, but spending just about every weekend on my own and every evening for sure. And it sucks, it'shard tobreak out, I'm years younger than you are and everywhere I go I'm faced with people not willing to let others into "their circle", or the ones that do aren't my type off people.

I'd say try to make new friends on the weekends, if possible.

Welcome to ALL

Thanks Mister. Its something I'm willing to work on. A chef's life is different, that's for sure. The funny part is...I don't even fit into that crowd either. Most are heavy drinkers, stay out all night, etc. Just not my thing. I like my job...I love what I do...I just don't like the crowd of people that the industry typically attracts. I guess its a bit different for me. I don't want to be in their circle....and I think the more successful ones in this industry aren't in that crowd either.

I'm really concentrating on making myself right before venturing out too much. I think too many people make that mistake. They worry about their social place in life, as opposed to being comfortable in their own skin. Although I've always had that not fighting in feeling, I'm pretty comfortable within myself, so I do have that going for me