Masking loneliness

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Tealeaf

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I spend a lot of time being busy in place of meeting people. Things to learn and projects to do. I picked up instruments, crafts, etc.

I've got a weekend and a few days in my new apartment with no Internet access outside of my phone. Without such a close connection to online communities and ease of information it becomes so much more obvious that it's really only family calling.

I know we can't hinge our happiness on what others think of us or control who comes into our life and when. I know some people turn to things like alcohol which I'm grateful to not struggle with. Somehow it highlights a lack I thought I'd filled. 

Do you have coping methods and think it's healthy or just a distraction? I wonder if there are a lot of people feeling this way when they look at themselves and others, then back to their phones.
 
Right now it's sleeping late, going for walks, surfing the net, reading Wikipedia, watching gameplay videos on YouTube. I would drink if it were available but it is not, which might be just as well.

Whether it's healthy or not might vary from person to person but for me, about myself, I feel like coping is a distraction.
 
When there is no work to be done and the usual distractions get old for a bit, that's usually when the loneliness hits me most. 

I do think that staying constantly busy is a bit of a coping mechanism for me but it also benefits me in many other ways as well so it's mostly a positive thing.

When it gets really bad I go for long drives, take extra showers, and sleep the hours away.
 
My coping mechanisms are exercise, watching tv, reading a book, cleaning and the internet, when I'm really struggling ... I go out and but a lot of clothes to make me feel better :(, good thing I don't do that much because honestly, drugs would be cheaper ;)

I don't think it's healthy, that's why we call it a coping mechanism after all! But I think it's more healthy than not coping, and in a way it "hides" us from the world, everyone looking at me going down the street riding a bike or out for a run would think i'm just like everyone else, and I'm happy to let them do so.

Coping/Masking, no it's not healthy, it shouldn't be necessary, but it's better than not coping/masking and breaking down instead!
 
Meditation and yoga are my biggest coping mechanisms I think. They help me feel connected to people and the world without necessarily needing interaction or communication. It's hard to explain, but it's a feeling that's definitely there.

Volunteering and having dogs also help curb the loneliness a lot.

I think it's completely normal and healthy to have these coping mechanisms in a world that pressures us to have relationships and be sociable, when we are unable to have or do these things. I think trying to "cope" with a less favourable situation, helps us adapt and that's better than engaging in behaviours that might harm our wellbeing. And it shows that we are trying.
 
Gaming, browsing, cycling. I think those are the main things i do. At some point that realisation you talk about will hit me every now and then, but it tends to not last very long yet. I do not think this is healthy. At all. I'm able to mask i really well all things considered. I'm grateful for that.
 
I don't think that masking loneliness is a good idea. Its a very poor substitute of solving it. You are just denying the truth. You are lonely and you are denying it. Hiding from i, running away from it. But since it is a part of you, it will keep following you, you can suppress it, but suppression is not freedom, by suppressing it, you are not free from it, it is still there, in suppressed form. Being free from it is a totally different thing than this, and certainly, suppressing it is not the way to be free from it.
 
I don't mask loneliness; I learn to enjoy it. I don't have the internet at home; only family calls. Which tells me who are the important people in my life. A buddy of mine I often call when I go out drinking; he almost always comes with me, even if he doesn't drink anything that night.
Being by yourself puts things in perspective. It allows you to focus on smaller and more important things. The internet and social media has created a lot of impressions of a complex and sometimes intimate social circle, when it's actually anything but. In a way, the internet itself IS a coping mecanism for loneliness. But IMO, a harmful one, as you can see when you don't have it.
So what I do is go back to roots. Smaller circle of people I actually concentrate on. You also form real friendships that way and it only takes ONE good friend to make sure you never feel lonely the rest of your life.

The only bad part about being alone is actually sexual needs. But I still insist God created Humanity with two hands and it wasn't to build worksheds ;-)
 
It sounds like you are using your time for valuable things and self improvements, so that's a wonderful thing! Have you thought of joining groups that are in sync with your interests, music and projects? Then you have a common outlet and conversation possibility. Also, start with online groups for your interests then look to local meetups.
Not everyone is an extrovert and if you are happy w your interactions, don't feel bad or guilty. Just be you and connect when you want to and with who you want to, my daughter likes one on one meetings rather than big groups which overwhelm her. Maybe meet for coffee or a jam session or sewing project w a friend who probably needs a friend, too.
 
I'm looking for new coping methods, downtime between work, school and gaming; I'm constantly feeling lonely. My distractions are losing their effectiveness.
Anyone tried an AI girlfriend? I don't care if I look like a loser but I'm looking for something to help me get by until I can can graduate and lose significant weight and get a full time job.
Anyone tried any paid services? girlfriend by text/chat? something like that.
New hobbies and distractions that don't address the problem aren't helping.
 
alphacompton said:
I'm looking for new coping methods, downtime between work, school and gaming; I'm constantly feeling lonely. My distractions are losing their effectiveness.
Anyone tried an AI girlfriend? I don't care if I look like a loser but I'm looking for something to help me get by until I can can graduate and lose significant weight and get a full time job.
Anyone tried any paid services? girlfriend by text/chat? something like that.
New hobbies and distractions that don't address the problem aren't helping.

An AI girlfriend?
This might make me sound ancient, but does that even exist?
 
alphacompton said:
I'm looking for new coping methods, downtime between work, school and gaming; I'm constantly feeling lonely. My distractions are losing their effectiveness.
Anyone tried an AI girlfriend? I don't care if I look like a loser but I'm looking for something to help me get by until I can can graduate and lose significant weight and get a full time job.
Anyone tried any paid services? girlfriend by text/chat? something like that.
New hobbies and distractions that don't address the problem aren't helping.

I've thought about it. Looked into it, but not very far. It would be nice to receive text messages every once in a while saying someone missed me or someone loves me or asking about my day. I don't know how interactive they are or how pricing works.

Gatebox looks interesting but I don't think they have an English version and it costs something like $5,000.

Gatebox Youtube Video

I seem to go from hobby to hobby... reading, working out, interwebs, looking up future hobbies (gardening, bee keeping), and lately putting time into minecraft, but that is not really doing anything for me. I bought some expensive cosplay accessories (Sling Ring and Eye of Agamoto for a future Dr Strange cosplay) as Christmas gifts for myself, but after the second day of having them, the joy and excitment have worn off. 

Some years ago, I tried to build relationships with other guys. I focused on two that were in similiar circumstances (one older, one younger). They ended up making a strong friendship with each other. The other "friends" that I've met via hobby groups have only stayed in that realm and never extended outside of that venue.

When work is the most intense, that seems to be the best distraction, but I have not found any hobby yet that can sustain me and fill the lonliness. It may distract or cover it, but at some time, the pleasure from it wears off and as it does that, I become more and more aware of emptiness.
 
...I'd probably end up killing that robot lol.
Notice how he makes zero contact with anything else than a computer program, or makes zero effort to try and make contact.
I mean, I get how it could help lonely people, it can make a difference. I get it.
But isn't the point to try to get them to not be lonely and learn how to interact with others better? Even if it's just one person at a time?
I might be reading too much into this, but ain't the guy going to regret, at 70, that he never tried to have a wife or girlfriend? Won't he still feel his life is worthless if he didn't even try?
 
An AI girlfriend won't help you because deep inside you will know that your "girlfriend" dont give a fresia
 
It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, and have interests and really would like good company over shallow interactions. Nothing wrong with that.
 
TheRealCallie said:
iCanMakeIt said:
M_also_lonely said:
I don't think that masking loneliness is a good idea. Its a very poor substitute of solving it.

How do you solve loneliness?

By figuring out what is causing it and correcting it?

Social isolation. No deep connections with someone I love and who loves me. No optimism that I'll ever not be alone. I don't know how to correct that. I'm trying. It just won't go away. Not even when I'm with other people. I don't know what to do, except cry every day.

It's like a brain malfunction in there and I want to dig it out, but I can't find it or figure out how to do it.
 

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