I'm happy with my boyfriend but can't stop looking at my ex's social media

I know it is pathetic and somewhat masochist to look at my ex's social medias even after 7 months. All of my friends said I should block him and stay happy, but I couldn't do it. Anyone ever had this issue?

You're obviously not that happy and you're obviously not over it, in a very unhealthy way. Stop concentrating on wanting to see some schmuck have pain and start concentrating on making yourself and your other half happy. Because eventually, current boyfriend might grow angry with said obssessive behavior and that might end the relationship for absolutely no reason at all.
Something to meditate on.

Well you've made a good start, friend. It's not easy talking about parts of ourselves we are unhappy with. 
I kind of understand. Up until I started my relationship with my current SO I used to occasionally check up on previous boyfriends... It's really weird that our brains are wasting time and energy on focusing on people who no longer play a role in our lives (unless you have remained friends).
I've thought long and hard about why I do things, this included. The only reason I did it was because of a weird power complex... I wanted to make sure that they weren't as happy as I made them before the relationship ended, and if they were having an awesome life and had someone else who made them very happy I'd become angry and even jealous. This was a very poisonous way of thinking, all it did was make me suffer in silence because I was consumed by bitterness and yet I'd go and check again a couple months later. Once I realised that I was being a stupid ***** to myself I started to realise that I needed to change my perspective completely to get rid of all of the bitterness in my life. I've just stopped caring about them completely. It's way better. So I suggest if you want to stop you should have a deep think about why you do it and whether you're happy with that part of yourself and if you want to change it. It's not an overnight thing but this is a start! 


B

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Richard_39 said:

You're obviously not that happy and you're obviously not over it, in a very unhealthy way. Stop concentrating on wanting to see some schmuck have pain and start concentrating on making yourself and your other half happy. Because eventually, current boyfriend might grow angry with said obssessive behavior and that might end the relationship for absolutely no reason at all.
Something to meditate on.

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Totally agree. My ex always did this while we were in a relationship, it made me feel like I was never good enough and that I had to compete to get him to stop focusing on her and focus more on me. Very unhealthy for a relationship.

I don't think you are being honest with yourself.

There is a reason you keep stalking him.

I don't agree about the stalking.

I'm am trying to check my ex gf's facebook page daily. This after several months. We parted more or less amicably, but it sent me a bit nuts, and so so blocked me. She told me it wasn't permanent. So I keep checking to see if the block has been lifted yet. Because being blocked by somebody you care about is REALLY FREAKY. It's not simply that you can't message them, but that they seem to disappear into thin air. They just no longer exist.

Now I can hear my words in my head as I type this post. I'm sounding like a stalker, big time. Mr Creepazoid. But the thing is, the reason I try to check her page is simply because I care deeply for her, and just want to know she is OK. I'm not going to post anything on it. I just want to confirm she is alive and well.

^ That's like any stalker's motto.

DarkSelene, I can do worse than that. I can be much creepier.

I'll give you this one. Every now and then, on the evening news, you'll hear "heavily armed police have surrounded a house in Melbourne, where a man with a rifle has locked himself in for eleven hours." OK, so a siege.

Now, I don't condone this sort of thing, and would never do it. I come from a country without a gun culture, so I'm not interested in any of that.

But....

....I feel some innate sympathy for that guy. I can just see that he's been pushed to the edge.

So yes, maybe I am a weirdo.

In my experience, it can be very difficult to let go of someone you truly care about. Sometimes, it would be the best thing to do, for your sake and theirs when you both have to move on from each other. Still being able to stalk him is not helping you move forward from this and it is definitely not healthy in the long run - for you.

It was very painful for me to do the same with my exes, but you will come to find some peace and understanding after some time and from there you will realise that just because you block them, it doesn't mean you don't care about them anymore. It just means that you need to take care of yourself first at the moment.

If you're happy with your current relationship there shouldn't be a need to check up on the past. Maybe its some unresolved issues before you two parted or maybe its the satisfaction of seeing whether thyre happy without you. Whatever it is, I think you have to come to terms of the fact that you haven't let go.

And if you feel you can't then maybe its the relationship that needs letting going of.

I hope this fascination with your ex diminishes, because happiness is a rare thing that should be cherished. Wasting it on a dead relationship would be tragic.

TheLoadedDog said:

....I feel some innate sympathy for that guy.   I can just see that he's been pushed to the edge.

So yes, maybe I am a weirdo.

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Likewise.
I've often wondered, in my dark hopeless times, if it wouldn't be easier sometimes to just let the madness in, grab a rifle and siege one self. Kind of like the stereotypical postman who goes postal and shoots up the mailroom.
Not that I would, moral compass obliged.
But I can also sympathise with someone who gets pushed into those last extrêmes, up to the fact where he doesn't take an innocent's life. That's where my sympathy would end.

On my to do list of things to do before I die is to find myself a historical landmark to save and go chain myself naked to the door. I guess it's kind of related ;-)

This did happen to me as well, except that the person wasn't my ex, just someone I used to love before my current boyfriend. We were online friends for a couple of years but once I mentioned that I'm now in a relationship, the behavior towards me changed drastically and I ended our friendship because it hurt me too much. A few months later I began to visit their profile everyday, because I realized I've been lied to all this time and I wanted to find out who this person really is. I never hid from my boyfriend what I was doing but in the end I decided to listen when he finally told me to let go because it makes no sense and it might grow into an obsession, if it hadn't begun to already. And now I'm working on that.
So I pretty much made it a New Year's Resolution. I still have the itch some days but I know I shouldn't dare scratch it because I am aware it's not healthy.

Effervescent said:

This did happen to me as well, except that the person wasn't my ex, just someone I used to love before my current boyfriend. We were online friends for a couple of years but once I mentioned that I'm now in a relationship, the behavior towards me changed drastically and I ended our friendship because it hurt me too much. A few months later I began to visit their profile everyday, because I realized I've been lied to all this time and I wanted to find out who this person really is. I never hid from my boyfriend what I was doing but in the end I decided to listen when he finally told me to let go because it makes no sense and it might grow into an obsession, if it hadn't begun to already. And now I'm working on that.
So I pretty much made it a New Year's Resolution. I still have the itch some days but I know I shouldn't dare scratch it because I am aware it's not healthy.

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Would you have started a relationship with the online friend if it wasn't for your boyfriend?

kamya said:

Would you have started a relationship with the online friend if it wasn't for your boyfriend?

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No, she was getting married, or so she said. Besides, she was straight, and didn't trust anyone online (even when I was the one to get the closest to her) enough to share much information about herself.

Let me tell you about my great aunt. She died in 2007 in her 80s, so was of that WW2 generation (those people rocked large).

Her first husband was a dashing fighter pilot. Leather jacket, the works. He was shot down over Berlin. Aunty Peg got the dreaded telegram boy come calling. A young widow.

She remarried. My Uncle Eric. A good man, a good provider, and also exceptionally dull. The most boring man in Christendom. But I liked him. And Aunty Peg was loyal to him.

But when he died, she was on the next plane to Germany to see her firsrt husband's grave.


I don't think this is a bad thing. You can't forget your past. I still think of ex partners from decades ago. It doesn't mean I am untrue to current ones. It just is.

Moetan21 said:

If you're happy with your current relationship there shouldn't be a need to check up on the past. 

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True. 
But any sort of control won't help because it is not a problem of the ex or the current partner. It has something to do with you.
 Blocking him won't change anything. A button on Facebook doesn't operate your desires.