Why do people not feel comfortable around me?

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Once loved

Member
Joined
Dec 9, 2017
Messages
10
Reaction score
0
Hi all, I’m new to the forum... just open about an hour or so ago. I was searching online about why some people get so lonely when others don't. I can’t say that I’m an introvert because I DO want people interaction and I get my energy back when I’m accepted by people. But my problem is, I don’t know how to keep people interested in me. They are at first, but the more they are around me they seem to be uncomfortable being in the same presences as me. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. I think it’s either I’m too boring, or I look too bored. This has been the case all my life. I’m now 44 and recently divorced. My ex-husband said he did not feel comfortable talking to me about things. He said I’m  not the most comfortable person to be around. I wish I knew why. I’m so lonely it feels like death.
 
Hey there and welcome to ALL,

I'm sorry I can't answer your title question, because the way I see it that comes from personal experience people have had with you, it might not be the fault lies with you, maybe you tend to gravitate toward people who aren't right for you, and in that way any friendship is doomed to fail from the start, the fact you try longer than they are willing to results in them leaving you, and you left to wonder why...

Just one theory, don't take this as fact, maybe you'll see something in it you recognize in yourself, maybe not.
 
Thanks, I appreciate your response


MisterLonely said:
Hey there and welcome to ALL,

I'm sorry I can't answer your title question, because the way I see it that comes from personal experience people have had with you, it might not be the fault lies with you, maybe you tend to gravitate toward people who aren't right for you, and in that way any friendship is doomed to fail from the start, the fact you try longer than they are willing to results in them leaving you, and you left to wonder why...

Just one theory, don't take this as fact, maybe you'll see something in it you recognize in yourself, maybe not.

Thanks. I appreciate your response
 
Once loved said:
Hi all, I’m new to the forum... just open about an hour or so ago. I was searching online about why some people get so lonely when others don't. I can’t say that I’m an introvert because I DO want people interaction and I get my energy back when I’m accepted by people. But my problem is, I don’t know how to keep people interested in me. They are at first, but the more they are around me they seem to be uncomfortable being in the same presences as me. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. I think it’s either I’m too boring, or I look too bored. This has been the case all my life. I’m now 44 and recently divorced. My ex-husband said he did not feel comfortable talking to me about things. He said I’m  not the most comfortable person to be around. I wish I knew why. I’m so lonely it feels like death.

Welcome aboard! The fact that you are an extrovert is definetly a good thing when it comes to make friends and enjoy social interactions. People might not be comfortable around you because you donìt ask them personal questions and you aren't trying to know them, maybe putting more enphasis on what YOU have done, how YOU feel etc

Of course i have no idea if this is your case, i barelly know you that you are 44 years old ::D  i'm a very lonelly with almost zero social life, but i'm still trying to move forward, doing things etc So i dont have any rights to give you advice on these kind of things ::(

I'm creating a WA group where alone people like us can talk ondaily basis, supporting each other and developing friendships, so if you are trying to overcome this feeling of loneliness consider give it a try https://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=38326
 
Hi OL, welcome to ALL. Maybe that was just a thing your ex said and you are turning it into a self fulfilling prophecy. Maybe it is true that we 'see what we focus on' as I read somewhere recently.

Anyway, I typed and deleted some stuff about whys and maybes but I know nothing so let me just say that I hope you find some company and comfort here on the forums.
 
Hello!
I just want to say that your situation matches mine identically! I can be kind of 2 versions of myself depending on how comfortable I feel around the person. If I'm surrounded by a lot of people I barely/don't know I tend to be shy, in which case people tend to focus on the more interesting people. It used to be worse when I felt like I couldn't approach people. However if it's just me and one or two people I can be much more myself, which is energetic (to put it plainly). I sometimes have success initially in situations like the latter, but I've really low self esteem so as the friendships prolongs, if the person in question starts seeming uninterested I start losing my confidence and I don't really try talking to them to save the pain of embarrassment of failure. So that leaves me stuck in this place where I feel like nobody wants to get to know me! 
I'm lucky to have one person who was nts me, my SO, but I want friends. I'm quite an extroverted person, I love being out with a friend and a party once in a while, but that doesn't happen much anymore. I hope we can be virtual friends!
 
Sorry that post looks pretty manic haha, I was in a queue for a game so I was rushing my reply!
I'm sorry you're feeling lonely and hope this forum helps with that, we seem to have a common ground, pm me if you want to chat :)
 
Brennabean said:
Hello!
I just want to say that your situation matches mine identically! I can be kind of 2 versions of myself depending on how comfortable I feel around the person. If I'm surrounded by a lot of people I barely/don't know I tend to be shy, in which case people tend to focus on the more interesting people. It used to be worse when I felt like I couldn't approach people. However if it's just me and one or two people I can be much more myself, which is energetic (to put it plainly). I sometimes have success initially in situations like the latter, but I've really low self esteem so as the friendships prolongs, if the person in question starts seeming uninterested I start losing my confidence and I don't really try talking to them to save the pain of embarrassment of failure. So that leaves me stuck in this place where I feel like nobody wants to get to know me! 
I'm lucky to have one person who was nts me, my SO, but I want friends. I'm quite an extroverted person, I love being out with a friend and a party once in a while, but that doesn't happen much anymore. I hope we can be virtual friends!

Wow, you are just like me. I seem to make good impression and people want to get to know me in the beginning. But something I do or the vibe I let out start to make people lose interest in me and I have no idea what that is. Perhaps my body language, stuff coming out of my mouth that I don’t realize it can offend people, who knows. I’ve been like this all my life and I’m so afraid I’ll die like this. They say once you get older things get better, but im afraid that’s  not the case for me.
 
Sarah G said:
Hi OL, welcome to ALL. Maybe that was just a thing your ex said and you are turning it into a self fulfilling prophecy. Maybe it is true that we 'see what we focus on' as I read somewhere recently.

Anyway, I typed and deleted some stuff about whys and maybes but I know nothing so let me just say that I hope you find some company and comfort here on the forums.

Thank you. I would have loved to hear what you wrote. Right now I’m willing to try anything. I just don’t get it. This situation brings down my self esteem even more.


Unix said:
Once loved said:
Hi all, I’m new to the forum... just open about an hour or so ago. I was searching online about why some people get so lonely when others don't. I can’t say that I’m an introvert because I DO want people interaction and I get my energy back when I’m accepted by people. But my problem is, I don’t know how to keep people interested in me. They are at first, but the more they are around me they seem to be uncomfortable being in the same presences as me. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. I think it’s either I’m too boring, or I look too bored. This has been the case all my life. I’m now 44 and recently divorced. My ex-husband said he did not feel comfortable talking to me about things. He said I’m  not the most comfortable person to be around. I wish I knew why. I’m so lonely it feels like death.

Welcome aboard! The fact that you are an extrovert is definetly a good thing when it comes to make friends and enjoy social interactions. People might not be comfortable around you because you donìt ask them personal questions and you aren't trying to know them, maybe putting more enphasis on what YOU have done, how YOU feel etc

Of course i have no idea if this is your case, i barelly know you that you are 44 years old ::D  i'm a very lonelly with almost zero social life, but i'm still trying to move forward, doing things etc So i dont have any rights to give you advice on these kind of things ::(

I'm creating a WA group where alone people like us can talk ondaily basis, supporting each other and developing friendships, so if you are trying to overcome this feeling of loneliness consider give it a try https://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=38326

Thank you. I appreciate your response. I think you may be right about me not showing too much interest in people. That’s probably one of the many reasons. Sometimes I feel like I sound so fake when I do I try to cut it down and not give as much compliments either. I’ll check out the link you provided. Thanks again!
 
MisterLonely said:
You're welcome! and that's a very kind way of saying how full of BS I am :D

No not at all. I know you didn’t have to respond but you took the time to read and responded. I’m really grateful that people are actually reading this post. I think the bottom line is I have to try to like myself more so others can do the same. Right now I don’t like myself too much. It’s hard to do that. I don’t think I even know how...
 
You are female. You think people don't want to be around you. Yet you WANT human interaction?


I'd be getting diagnosed for autism / Asperger's if I were you. This is no bad thing, by the way. I think I am too. Fairly sure, but undiagnosed.

There is a belief that this "disorder" is primarily a male thing. 4 to 1. I don't buy it. Aspies have told me women get misdiagnosed, because they don't fit the criteria perfectly. The gender ratio is closer to 50/50. Also, it is believed it is up to half the population at large.

Asperger's people are supposed to be awful at social interaction. But that is a stereotype. It doesn't always fit. Aspies are people too, and they have other "normal person" things going on. In your case one of those "normal person" things is simply being female, and women are good - on average - at social interaction.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top