What are some unselfish reasons to want a relationship?

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michael2

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Today it dawned on me the primary reason Id like a relationship is I wanted someone to validate me.  I was watching a movie where the parents of a child were watching her with pride in a school play and they congratulated her and complimented her afterwards.  And I realized thats what I wanted a relationship for.  Someone who recognizes your accomplishments, who roots for you, whose there to encourage and assist you.  I guess I never had that in my life.  Maybe because I never really did anything to deserve admiration.  But its something I wanted subconsciously, and I had hoped to find it in a relationship.

Now knowing my primary and biggest reason for wanting a relationship was selfish, suddenly I dont really want one anymore.  Its also left me wondering what are nonselfish reasons for wanting to be in a relationship?  It might be obvious, but its not to me, because its something I've never really thought about.
 
That's not a selfish reason. If you get in a relationship, you'll repay that person with validation, affection, loyalty, etc...

If you go by that, one could say monogamy is selfish and then the structure of what a relationship is/should be gets picked apart completely... It's important to know what you're looking for, but wanting something that'll make you feel good is different than just thinking about yourself.
 
I also don't really consider it selfish either as you'll most likely do the same for the other person mhmm.
 
michael2 said:
Someone who recognizes your accomplishments, who roots for you, whose there to encourage and assist you.  I guess I never had that in my life.  Maybe because I never really did anything to deserve admiration. 

I don't think that's selfish either. And I wouldn't really call that validation. When I hear that word "validation" I think of putting a bandage on top of insecurities, which feels good temporarily but doesn't really solve it, otherwise you wouldn't have any use for validation. I think the things you described were more like support, and are perfectly reasonable things to want. Where validation seems like a bandaid, support seems more like actual healing or nourishment. It resupplies your emotional strength so you can keep going. That's one of the things that's so harsh about being alone is that you don't have anyone to give you those things, it must seem like starving or freezing or being lost.

And I hear you on never having done anything to deserve admiration. I don't know how it is for you but for me, it was always a problem in the way, not having interests like that at the time, and also fear that I was naturally incapable of doing anything admirable.

michael2 said:
Its also left me wondering what are nonselfish reasons for wanting to be in a relationship? 

For me it's wanting to get to know someone that I genuinely think is an interesting person and wanting to be able to give them a worthwhile conversation and good time too. I guess you could say enjoying the other person's company is selfish but I hope my company is also worth something to them. I'd hope we can both make each other feel good, have a better time together than we would have had alone, and bounce ideas off each other.
 
I can't think of any truly altruistic motives to be in a relationship. Everything, including appreciating someone's qualities and concern for welfare, begins with wanting them in your life for your own selfish happiness.
 
By definition, wanting a relationship is selfish. If you find an unselfish reason, let me know Sure, there would be the "dating someone you don't like who has a hard time just to help him/her", but considering people don't change that don't want to be changed, how is that going to lead to any kind of happiness?
I always saw relationships as very basic. You're 50% and you feel like finding another 50%. The goal of the game is to form as close to 100% as possible.

What's bad about that?
 
ardour said:
I can't think of any truly altruistic motives to be in a relationship. Everything, including appreciating someone's qualities and concern for welfare, begins with wanting them in your life for your own selfish happiness.

By this definition anything anyone could want would be selfish, because it's a means to fulfillement/contentment.
 
I think wanting to share your life with someone is selfless. Which is the reason why I'd want a relationship, to share lives and all. Not sure about the validation thing. I don't need to be validated, nor would I want to have to validate anyone.
 
P.s.: Of course it's not altruistic, you're engaged in a trade-off -- which is what you'd want out of a relationship anyways, that means it's balanced.
 
To prevent your race from dying out? Wait, I probably thought a bit too pragmatically about this...
 
I doubt procreation of the species is in peril though. In fact, procreation is leading to sustainability problems.
.....kind of selfish if you ask me ;-)
 
Richard_39 said:
I doubt procreation of the species is in peril though. In fact, procreation is leading to sustainability problems.
.....kind of selfish if you ask me ;-)

Hurr...half correct I'd say. Let's say this only affects certain populations. Most of us aren't humping like rabbits...well, most are but no little rabbits come out of it.
 
Rodent said:
Richard_39 said:
I doubt procreation of the species is in peril though. In fact, procreation is leading to sustainability problems.
.....kind of selfish if you ask me ;-)

Hurr...half correct I'd say. Let's say this only affects certain populations. Most of us aren't humping like rabbits...well, most are but no little rabbits come out of it.

OBJECTION!
Unwarranted assumption.
Have you observed them all?
ISN'T THERE the possibility of little rabbits coming out of it?
It would at least solve the problem of world hunger, if we started resorting to cannibalism.
 
Or, you know, just bring out the sickle and swoosh less mouths to feed...

#solved
 
Reinvent the food chain. Eat the third world. Also solves world hunger, come to think of it.
 
Volt said:
Reinvent the food chain. Eat the third world. Also solves world hunger, come to think of it.

But if we eat the Third World...don't we become the Third World?
Now that I think of it, it might makes us the Second World, which begs the question....who's on F...who's the First?

Hehe :)

#Dark Selene The Reaper
 
Rodent said:
To prevent your race from dying out? Wait, I probably thought a bit too pragmatically about this...

I'm too many things to bother. Plus, there's plenty of Puerto Ricans.
 
DarkSelene said:
ardour said:
I can't think of any truly altruistic motives to be in a relationship. Everything, including appreciating someone's qualities and concern for welfare,  begins with wanting them in your life for your own selfish happiness.

By this definition anything anyone could want would be selfish, because it's a means to fulfillement/contentment.

True but I don't think people get romantically involved for the primary reason of selflessly helping another. In contrast, someone working in charitable organizations, etc., is.
 
ardour said:
DarkSelene said:
ardour said:
I can't think of any truly altruistic motives to be in a relationship. Everything, including appreciating someone's qualities and concern for welfare,  begins with wanting them in your life for your own selfish happiness.

By this definition anything anyone could want would be selfish, because it's a means to fulfillement/contentment.

True but I don't think people get romantically involved for the primary reason of selflessly helping another. In contrast, someone working in charitable organizations, etc., is.

Thank God. Would you want someone to be with you as charity work?


VanillaCreme said:
Rodent said:
To prevent your race from dying out? Wait, I probably thought a bit too pragmatically about this...

I'm too many things to bother. Plus, there's plenty of Puerto Ricans.

Imagine how the Chinese feel
 

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