Hello,
Over my lifetime, I have found out the hard way (after its too late) that my parents and little brother (all the close family I have) are narcissistic, fake, heartless, fake Christian, crazy, selfish, mentally ill, sociopath, 2 faced jealous actors who pretend to be nice and put on a mask, but are out to destroy my life and happiness. They have some very evil intentions. Their conscious is dead. They are just B.Sing me till they get a chance.. and behind back they envy.. and then they'll backstab me.. again. They have betrayed me and made me homeless once after taking advantage of my kindness. I lost a lot, I have no time to write everything down, It's too much.
You see.. what I personally think it is is that my background is from the middle east.. and some people are very good looking.. so some people envy. Envy ( and the fear of envy) is a big part of the culture.
Sometimes I sit and think about my life.. and all the places I've lived in.. and I notice how I've been mistreated, backstabbed etc by some jealous people.. and it's like.. I just don't feel like eating or taking care of myself or living my life. As a matter of fact, I haven't felt good in a long time. I feel hopeless. What's the point of being well if someone will hate on you or find a way to cause you harm? It's a very bad feeling when you can't just live your life the way you want because of others or your own paranoia. It's like I want to be happy but I'm afraid. I also want to continue being a good person, treating others the same way I want to be treated.
And since all my family suffer from narcissistic personality disorder. I'm lonely. So I need to take care of myself again so that I can find love so that I don't be so lonely. But when I do take care of myself.. there comes some hater again!! It's like.. a vicious cycle. I need to put an end to this problem. I wanna feel free!
So I guess what I want to know is which city or state is best for me? where do I fit in? I just want to put this burden behind me so that I can focus on other things. Any advice is appreciated.
Over my lifetime, I have found out the hard way (after its too late) that my parents and little brother (all the close family I have) are narcissistic, fake, heartless, fake Christian, crazy, selfish, mentally ill, sociopath, 2 faced jealous actors who pretend to be nice and put on a mask, but are out to destroy my life and happiness. They have some very evil intentions. Their conscious is dead. They are just B.Sing me till they get a chance.. and behind back they envy.. and then they'll backstab me.. again. They have betrayed me and made me homeless once after taking advantage of my kindness. I lost a lot, I have no time to write everything down, It's too much.
You see.. what I personally think it is is that my background is from the middle east.. and some people are very good looking.. so some people envy. Envy ( and the fear of envy) is a big part of the culture.
Sometimes I sit and think about my life.. and all the places I've lived in.. and I notice how I've been mistreated, backstabbed etc by some jealous people.. and it's like.. I just don't feel like eating or taking care of myself or living my life. As a matter of fact, I haven't felt good in a long time. I feel hopeless. What's the point of being well if someone will hate on you or find a way to cause you harm? It's a very bad feeling when you can't just live your life the way you want because of others or your own paranoia. It's like I want to be happy but I'm afraid. I also want to continue being a good person, treating others the same way I want to be treated.
And since all my family suffer from narcissistic personality disorder. I'm lonely. So I need to take care of myself again so that I can find love so that I don't be so lonely. But when I do take care of myself.. there comes some hater again!! It's like.. a vicious cycle. I need to put an end to this problem. I wanna feel free!
So I guess what I want to know is which city or state is best for me? where do I fit in? I just want to put this burden behind me so that I can focus on other things. Any advice is appreciated.