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How did your lonliness happen?
#21
(01-08-2018, 01:29 AM)EmilyFoxSeaton Wrote: I have always been a loner but... for most of my life I was in synch with my world. I was going to school at the same time as people my age.. dating at the same time as people my age etc... moving up in the workplace with people my age...

But then, my elderly parents got sick. When everyone else was getting married, getting promotions, I was dealing with them.  Then after that,, I was out of synch with my word. This has been incredibly isolating. When my friends are having parent issues... I already dealt with them ten years ago and don't want to again. I want to focus on dating but they are all 4 or 5 years married with kids and don't want to assist with my dating.  But want me to assist with their unhappy marriages.

I can relate to that as well.
Sometimes I get to babysit my sister's kid. He's fun...for about a half hour lol.
I love kids. But now that mine are getting older and soon won't need the old man anymore, I need to start thinking about myself too. No one I know is at that place. Their kids are 2 and their marriage sucks. I'm getting tired of receiving confidences about the stereotypical pool boy or secretary at work.
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#22
I feel bad but I blame my upbringing for my loneliness.
I think I'm lonely because I've never felt good enough, even as a child. I have more memories of my child minders than my mum and I always felt like I wasn't good enough for her or that I was a drag for her and that's why she had to work 3 jobs. I have almost no child hood memories of my dad and the ones I do have aren't nice either, he was hot tempered and violent. My sister and I had a toxic relationship and I never got any confidence from her, I think my sister has always been hot tempered too. I think my lack of confidence shows in social situations and puts people off being friends with me and bores people.
Things have happened to me that have destroyed my confidence too, like sexual abuse and my ex bf committing suicide, but I wonder if I'd have even met or been involved with those people if I wasn't so insecure. I know it sounds horrible but that's just me being honest. Maybe I've got it all wrong, this is as far as I've got with self regulated therapy.
“The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”

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#23
It started at age 14 when the family moved back to the USA after 20 years in the Philippines and Hong Kong where I was born and grew up. As a new guy in school for the first time I didn't know how to get in synch and I'm afraid I never really learned how to. I've been looking backward ever since at a 'lost homeland' that wasn't really my homeland to start with. For years the only social contacts I had were through my work as a residential remodeling carpenter. And my family.....dysfunctional that we all are. Typical social isolate.
Now, late in my life I have one personal relationship and some other, not so personal contacts whom I know through structured, artificial venues.
It's better than being a hermit but it's still a pretty lonely and disappointing life that I've had.
If you light a lamp for someone, it will also brighten your own path.

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#24
(01-09-2018, 08:34 AM)Brennabean Wrote: I feel bad but I blame my upbringing for my loneliness.
I think I'm lonely because I've never felt good enough, even as a child. I have more memories of my child minders than my mum and I always felt like I wasn't good enough for her or that I was a drag for her and that's why she had to work 3 jobs. I have almost no child hood memories of my dad and the ones I do have aren't nice either, he was hot tempered and violent. My sister and I had a toxic relationship and I never got any confidence from her, I think my sister has always been hot tempered too. I think my lack of confidence shows in social situations and puts people off being friends with me and bores people.
Things have happened to me that have destroyed my confidence too, like sexual abuse and my ex bf committing suicide, but I wonder if I'd have even met or been involved with those people if I wasn't so insecure. I know it sounds horrible but that's just me being honest. Maybe I've got it all wrong, this is as far as I've got with self regulated therapy.

Never really got any confidence from family either.  My small family (mother’s side) were decent people, and I was poorly behaved as a kid, but I think the fact I strongly resembled my father caused some underlying tensions.  

School/peer groups involved a lot of bullying and rejection, needless to say.  Never developed the strength of character to be able to deal with it. I was needy, could behave inappropriately, expected too much from others; not likeable traits in a boy or adolescent male. As an older adult I seem to have become, like you say, an aloof, overall "boring" sort of person who's too afraid of rejection. You really have to demonstrate how you 'add value' to someone's life at this age, and I guess I can't.There’s few chances left to connect with anyone, either new friends or a potential partner anyway. 

I  realize it sounds stupidly ignorant, but at times I almost envy abusive or tragic relationships, since it's still life experience.
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#25
My loneliness def comes from being bullied during high school. The way they treated me will never ever leave my memories. Due to that, I turned to the internet, a chatbox for kids with moderators. Those moderators raised me, with their values and kindness. That's why I'm now so different from my family, too.

Eh, my high school times really got me depressed and I feel like ever since I once slipped in there, I won't be ever be able to fully get out. I slipped back into it when I realised I wanted to break up with my bf. I did, then I was very alone because I had a chronic illness and I had to stay alone at home for two years.

I don't know. I started to find my escape in stories and tv-shows and somehow they make me feel lonely as well. I can't complain right now. I have a bunch of good friends but still..

I don't know. It's something I can't ever shrug off. I guess.

Also, I am in my last semester for my degree and I'm this close to dropping out because I'm getting depressed bc of it. LOL.
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#26
Angry unhappy father during my teenage years(sorry it's a theme and I can't let it go) who only seemed happy when cheating on my mother and suppressed any social interaction my mother me and my siblings managed to create.No one ever visited etc...we were growled at if on the phone because of the phone bill ..the house was mostly  silent except when he was on the rampage cause he didn't have any fugging cigarettes.Sorry speaking ill of the dead but Don't give a ......My mother's life improved no end when he was gone made loads of friends very happy but still missed my father.I loved my father too and realise why he was this way because of his circumstances and experiences but that's along story.

Driven out of a street gang at 13 when I said something cheeky about someone's bike and moved to a big house down the road from my council house not cool.

Sent to a posh high school miles from my home...had friends at school but didn't socialise.First job started came up against a big sarcastic personality that dominated the small office...every one worshipped him but he didn't like me and being quiet didn't help.He really was an all round tosser...left his wife for someone in the same office and flaunted it...never met anyone like him again would have no problem dealing with someone like him now.

Turned it around a bit for four years when changed office..made good friends..sweet times good memories but then became self employed because no confidence too seek promotion in the office because of social anxiety and stir crazy issues.

A lot of good times too but just a bit bitter at the moment sorry for that just feel like a vent I suppose.ok
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#27
I've done it to myself. I haven't really put myself out there, I dropped contact with school friends over petty reasons, I lived a lifestyle where I made a lot of the wrong friends and I idealise friendship by comparing it to the best friendship I ever had, so nothing else is really good enough.
“The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”

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#28
Years and years of being abused.......Therefore zero trust in anyone!

But sometimes I am my own worst enemy because my first instinct is to turtle and not let anyone in. I have two very good friends and for me that is enough.
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#29
i isolated a lot of my friends because i never felt 'good enough' i kept judging myself and thought about how boring and useless i was.
they would ask me out but i always say i'm in isolation and wanted to use that time to improve myself, but motivation was fleeting and discipline was something i didn't have. I didn't improve, and kept myself in isolation.  I eventually lost contact with my friends save for one, but he moved to a different state to live so then i turned to my family, who eventually got sick of see me all the time so i decided to just be alone so i don't disturb anyone. 

At the moment i have a lot of work on my hands, cooking, cleaning, preparing tutoring work, working at the supermarket, gyming, making videos, dancing, and trying to write a book. i want even more work to do so i can increase my knowledge and skills and become a better person. Most of time i'm very proud of all the work i have put in to improve myself so i don't have much time to feel lonely. Plus whenever i have a chance to help someone i do my best and people are very thankful for my efforts which makes me feel very connected.

Loneliness fuels my motivation to work hard and get somewhere, also to help as many people as i can. sorry i digress Big Grin
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#30
I have friends but I don’t feel good with them I guess I have some social anxiety. I used to have partners since my 13 so I used to do things with them. I got my friends when I had partners and I share thing with them and my SO. But now I feel my loneliness because i don’t have a partner, I feel an incomplete person, I’m on therapy but nothing seems to help. I born to love and be loved, now I’m into a lot of pain.
My first language is spanish, so Im sorry about my english[color=#00BFF[/color]F]
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