Am I doing something wrong?

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Brennabean

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Nov 22, 2017
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Location
Cambridgeshire, England
I hope the people who have seen my posts or have spoken with me can shine a light on this for me. 

I don't know if I am doing something wrong, and if so, what it is. I'm really friendly and approachable, am happy to approach others, always kind and want to help people constantly to the point of my battery running low for several days before I can even reply to my messages on here. I make jokes and people laugh, but I don't know how genuine these laughs are. I'm very open and I've noticed people find it very easy to be open with me. 

Am I low on luck? I have been trying to meet people more recently but I haven't had someone who is interested enough to get back to me first, and I have wondered for a long time if that's what it is. If it's just because I am an uninteresting person.
 
I feel the same way. I can't tell you that you are doing any thing wrong...I'm betting you aren't..
 
Brennabean, I can't see what you're doing wrong. I too joke around on here, but much, MUCH less in reality. I think you're just reserved. So am I. I'd wager that so is a significant proportion of people on here - it's a a loneliness forum! You'll get there. Don't worry.
 
Are you being nice so you can connect to people, or because that's genuinely what you are? Are you being authentic? I'm not saying anything like that is the case, just some thoughts.
 
I'm mostly genuine although people in my past thought I was faking my niceness. I'm not faking my kindness but faking my confidence. I fake confidence to compensate for not having any.
 
You seem fine to me. It can take a while to carve out your own space here. Just have to be patient and eventually you'll find your people.
 
Brennabean said:
I'm mostly genuine although people in my past thought I was faking my niceness. I'm not faking my kindness but faking my confidence.  I fake confidence to compensate for not having any.

I see ... Have you tried turning it off and on again? Yeah, i got nothing.
 
I personally find that as you grow older you find more and more things about yourself that need fixing. You have to be open to it of course. I found that you can pretty much assume you're an incompetent fresia and go from there. Some things also seem to just take time.

I can't really give you any info targeted at you directly because i haven't seen/remembered enough of your behavior. You'll be fine i think, keep being open to anything.
 
You know, I struggle, a while ago, with loneliness.
I don't know how much help this will be, but I've been single and pretty much alone for ten years now.
I mean, I have a few friends, like one or two, family, coworkers and my kids, but I'm pretty much alone.
Instead of fighting it, of learning to change it, and at first I was really depressed, like I'd go on active girlfriend-hunting trips (which lead me to the wrong people, but that's another story), I changed my approach. I decided I was NOT lonely. Just like that.
Instead of trying to change it, of fighting it, I learned to be comfortable with it. I stopped trying to make friends, or a girlfriend. Concentrated on the fun I had with my kids, with my family and with others. I tossed all the pressure. Turns out,t hat's when I attracted a few new, good friends I still have. No girlfriends, but that's my choice now, instead of before, which was me striking out. Had a few offers since then....but no. I'm good.
Anyway, food for thought.
Maybe the only thing you're doing wrong is trying too much.
You're a great girl. I knew that from mail #1. Stop going to people. Let them come to you. When they see YOU, they will.
 
You're not doing anything wrong as far as I've noticed, people are dumb, they value status over personality and looks over character.
 

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