High school hell

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Glowgirl

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Hey everybody. 

I just wanted to unload on this forum about an incident that had a far reaching effect in my life.

In high school when I was in year nine I got into a situation where I stood up for a couple of girls who were copping some racism and I got bullied for months over it. I would have survived this except that the two girls who I thought were my friends after a while began to call me stupid, boring and a dag (aussie slang for socially unrefined). 

After a few months I managed to get away from them.  But stupid and boring has been in my mind every single day for years and years, I heard it so often.  It haunted me. The worst thing was that I felt I couldn't be really angry at them because they were stuck with hanging around this quiet serious girl they couldn't stand. Unlike with the mean girls kind of bullying I really don't feel that I can moralise with them too much over this. I wish however they knew the effect their behaviour has had on my life. I've had a bit of bullying to deal with in my life generally, and I was always brought up not to stand up for myself. 

Lately my thought have been going back to high school in the 80s when neither bullying nor mental problems were talked about.  If it happened to you, basically you were a loser.  That's the way it was. I didn't talk about this for years but it was all a poisonous seed at the bottom of my mind and being honest it's still there. 

My thirty year high school reunion went by recently and I didn't go. There is no point trying to get fake apologies from people who didn't care then and probably wouldn't care now either. 

I'm sorry to use this forum just to vent, but I feel like I need to.  Rejection by friends isn't a subject that gets a lot of press and I feel like I'm the only one it's been a problem for. 

Thanks for reading.
 
Sorry that you had to deal with that. I guess it is at least good that you have been able to recognise and dig out that poisonous seed (or start digging it out). It is surely a major breach of trust and therefore traumatising to be rejected and or criticised by the peers we trust at a vulnerable age. I often go back in my mind to my ten and fifteen year old self to let that girl know that it isn't (wasn't) her fault, that she is fine and that I love her.
 
It's been 30 years, why does it still matter? Please don't misunderstand, bullying is horrible (always will be) and betrayal from friends is, as well. However, you have been stuck on this for 30 years, letting it eat at you. Why? You should ALWAYS stand up for yourself because it's not on anyone else to do so. That also means that you should stand up for yourself with yourself too. Stop letting the past haunt you. Stop letting it terrorize you. Yes, it was a horrible experience, but it's over, it can't be changed. You need to figure out how to let it go. It does you no good to hang on to it.
 
Ah yes. Australian high schools in the 80s.. **shudder** Brutal places. Especially Year 9 - the little feral bogans are just at that age. I was there and bullied too. Not only was there no support from the teachers in those days, but some of them were complicit.
 
I went to high school hell too, in USA and I haven't gone to any reunions for pretty much the same reasons.

I'd like to leave the past like Callie says, but my past seems to be part of my present....well in my thoughts anyway....nobody pushes me around anymore.
 
With social media being around nowadays is there even a reason for high school reunions anymore?

You can already keep in touch with the people that you want to keep in touch with.
 
I've had to deal with the "loss" of friends twice in my life, at age 7 and age 12, I never fully trusted people after that and because of that I made no real friends in highschool for the 2 and a half years following that, I joined a small group that hung out but wasn't really friends with any of them.

People saying you/we need to leave this behind and move on are ofcourse right, but we are a product of our environments, I'd like to ask those people to take a good long look at their past, their pre-teens up until early 20's and try to figure out how much of who you are today was formed in those years... 

It is hard to change something that is so deep at the core of your persona, that has ingrained itself so deep into your mind and soul, something that has been nagging and gnawing at you for years and years, and everywhere you go and everyone you turn to has the advise to "just let it go".

Some might be able to, some might need professional help, and some never will.

I quit High school hell after about 2 and a half years, my problems precede it though...
 
I didn't actually read your post, I am sorry, I don't even know you :( But you are a great person. :)
Try joining some club, memorize some jokes, go out there and talk to people.
 
I find that Australia and America are culturally very similar in many ways, but the whole high school thing is a bit of a disconnect. Americans seem to put high school on a sort of pedestal, and there are your high school friends whom you are expected to keep in contact with through reunions etc, maybe even a childhood sweetheart. These things happen in my country too, but not nearly so much. High school is basically a prison. You do your time, and get the hell out of there. You can't choose your colleagues. You're thrown in together, like it or not. And any childhood friendships are just that - childish. You make your real friends as an adult.. I ran out the door of high school on the last day, and I never looked back.
 
The only way to give a bully a "win" is to believe their claims and repeat them to yourself.

Something to think about.
 

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