i hate my life ughhh....

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dn560

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hi guys, ik its been a while...anyways so following up from the girl i met last year, within this past year we been thru so much in school. When she broke up with her boyfriend i was there for her n stuff and being around her so long i kinda grew attached to her and i well i started to fall for her. Fo the summer vacation she barely spoke to me, she wont reply my messages, and she just plain didnt care to check if i was alive...then after the summer beginning of school i heard that she met a stranger online and that she badly wants to meet him and that she only wants a relationship with him alone and that he was there for her and NO ONE else was. And she boarded a plane and went to meet the stranger she met on facebook. I couldnt believe what i was hearing i was shocked and worried out of my mind...she said they just had coffee and talked n stuff whatever. Then during the semester even tho shes always around me, there isnt much conversation and shes always on the phone texting random guys. Im not exaggerating when i say that because she told me and shes texting these guys during class, the guys are calling her phone and im just there holding in my tears and rage. Shes online all day and barely answers my messages, she never answered nor cared to returned my calls but these strangers who havent done honeysuckle for her gets to call and chat with her all hours of the night. Shes chasing guys in my country, the guy from canada and strings me along as a little *****. breaks my heart to see this happening and it started to get to me. Thing is we went out dates a few times but no matter how many dates we went and how many times i saved her from trouble, a guy over the phone is making more progress than i am. She sneeks off to meet a guy in my school who she hadnt spoken to in 5yrs and he seems to like her and they talk alot. His stupid jokes make her laugh while mine jjust makes her nod. She only replied to me when she had an assignment to do together and even left me to do all the work on my own, waking all night stressing while shes online chatting with guys and enjoying her sleep. I started avoiding her but no matter how hard i tried she still kept coming around me, when she talked, i would just say one word and end the convo and i even ducked class to avoid her. My feelings were so hurt to the point i started to feel depressed and it started affected my school performance, i failed 2 of my courses this semester because im only thinking her...she aced most of her courses because math is her thing and even tho she knew i sucked at math she never cared to help me...days when i didnt make it to class she never cared to msg or call to see if i was ok and well when i stopped being around her she never bothered to ask me why im acting this way...after all we been thru i honestly thought we had something, you guys might be reading this and be like im desperate n stuff but she lead me on really well...when we first met she ignored her bf to talk to me, we used to talk and text alot and we never got tired of each other but after her break up she changed...i know its my look thats why shes not interested in me my ******* thyroid ruined my life that i have to beg a girl to text me back no girl likes me, nobody on the whole likes me. guys make fun of me for being bald and hell she feels bad being around me at times too because im balding short and i look like im about to die. idk why i cant be like other guys who gets the girls why does life have to be like this for me. i hate my life and i hate what that girl done to me. i was already depressed and she made things worse. i was so happy around her it made me forget my troubles but nothing ever goes right for me. i hate myself for being so ugly and stupid i just wanna end everything especially this chest pain. seeing her with another guy is gonna destroy me completely and i know that time is coming soon...idk i hate my life...i hate that *****...i hate those guys that call and text her i ******* hate everything why cant these ******* be punished by god? is there a god? what the fresia i quit.......
 
Dn, I am so sorry to hear about this girl and the things that she has put you through. Of course there is a God and he is a loving God. It sounds like maybe she is not the right one for you, now I know it may really seem hard to digest after all that you have been through. You have spent so much time with this girl and she keeps making all the wrong mistakes, but don't give up. Sometimes in our lives the right one is not in front of us, but will come into our lives at one point. If you have ever heard the term "When one door closes another opens", well I do believe it is very true and it will happen. Life can be hard, it can be really hard and the things you go through can really test you and make you want to give up.

I myself even though it isn't the same kind of situation am separated, I was with someone for nearly 20 years and still married to her even though I am separated. There were times I didn't feel loved, I felt alone because she was so controlling, anal and just felt like I couldn't be myself. I too have a thyroid problem, had to have it removed and I also have depression. It was rough for me, after I left there I went through so much. There was not a day that I didn't cry, that I wanted to take my life and I kept asking God Why? Why me? Depression was so bad, I was living with parents and mind you i'm 44 so that's just not that fun. My life really seemed to hit rock bottom and it has on and off until recently. I have been through a lot of pain and suffering, but if one thing is certain my faith has grown. Whether you are a Christian or not you should know that through suffering comes strength and it is when we have suffered, we have endured so much pain that it also gives us strength.

I found comfort often in reading the Psalms or any book in the bible, there are still days that I just ask why did I have to end in this situation. Well, life is not easy and it's going to be hard, but maybe God doesn't want you to be with this girl. Maybe he has a better person who you will meet, you never know and you can't give up. Depression sucks, life sucks but that is why the people here are to help you, to guide you along. I remember reading the Book of Job in the bible, a book I never heard about. Now I won't give it away but it is very fascinating. Job is a man who was blameless before God, he was rich and he had many brothers and sisters, livestock, etc.. Basically, this man lost it all, everything even his family, but in the end God returned it all back to him. It's a very amazing story.

Your situation may suck as you think, but it will get better. I was so unhappy, feeling like my life could not get any better. Well, it is getting better, slowly but surely it is getting there. I'm hoping to get a job again, save up and pay a lawyer to start a divorce. I just want to finally be free and I know it takes time, but remember God has a plan, what I would do is just not focus on this girl. Put it into your mind it will never be and try to enjoy life, smile and who cares what others say about you if you have a thyroid problem or the lack of hair. People in school can be jerks, I never was popular and I hated it, but it does get better.

If you ever need a friend to talk to feel free to PM me. I have been through a lot, but through the pain I have found the strength to go on.
 
It happens a lot in life that the one we want doesn't want us. Sometimes people want us and we don't want them. Human attraction is a complicated thing. There's friend attraction, sexual attraction and romantic attraction. It's very rare that two people check all three categories for each other.

It seems like the friendship means a lot more to you that it does to her. You should keep avoiding her and do your best to move on.
 

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