comment about this site...

Ok so i been here since 2014 and i realised something about this site. This site the members are very biased and this is all a popularity thing. I noticed that apart from my own posts, alot of other memebers dont get replies unlike the popular members and females.  I got nothing against the females but members tend to be more in favor of them i mean i had members (dudes) pm me thinking i was a chick and only because they thought i was a chick they would talk to me when i confirmed im male i never heard from them again. And well i seen alot of members just get tired and leave, i myself im not gonna beg anyone to talk to me here, i came to this site because i got no one and just like in real life i get treated like an outcast in here as well. Not insulting anyone, nothing against anyone im just saying alot of members come here for help and someone to talk to and with this biased and popularity honeysuckle its like being out in the world this people treating you like honeysuckle just with keyboards...so if you guys decide to throw me out the site im fine with that..maybe i didnt fit in well with you guys or maybe my stories bored you idk but im outta here..not doing this for attention but i speak for myself and others who are in need of help dont be biased towards other members some of us are a thread away from destruction. So this is goodbye. To the very few people who i made friends with and no longer hear from cuz u guys left for the same reason i am, i thank you for the support. Hope you guys take what i said into consideration for future members. Again im not insulting anyone and its not a personal attack...but however you see it is up to you all. Thanks Alonely life. Goodbye.

That's a real shame. I haven't seen many of your posts but I guess if they aren't acknowledged you feel invalidated which would stop you wanting to post - I get it because I go through phases when I feel the same.
Some people are more ballsy and say what they think regardless, while others, the more sensitive folk, retreat back into their shells feeling rejected and lonely all over again.

It's so sad that you haven't found what you were searching for and maybe after posting this you might find it (if you change your mind about leaving) but if you do go I hope you eventually get what you need. Take good care whatever you decide.

dn560, I suspect you haven't been around internet forums much. I have been for twenty years. I run one. Let me tell you that most of them are toxic as hell. This site has a couple of people I don't care for very much, and even then I wouldn't say I hate them. This is a pretty gentle site.

Go to an Australian railway forum. Mention 3801. Stand back and wear your asbestos underpants. Truly.

I don't believe that's really true. People respond to everyone, not just the popular people. People leave for a lot of different reasons, perhaps some leave for that reason, but definitely not a lot. I think the problem is what is posted. When you only come to post a thread that's extremely negative and it's similar to everything else you've posted and you don't post and participate in any other threads, that's bound to be noticed.
You have to give a little to get a little. I know I've responded to several of your threads, if I'm not mistaken, and I know others have, as well. But I don't really see you posting to other threads, trying to help others. If you only post in your own threads, with the occasional other thread (mainly talking about yourself), how can you expect others to want to talk to you?

Hey dn560,

I shall not try to disprove your claim, everyones experience is different, and the reasons for that are not all clear to me. I can tell you that it can be frustrating when you make a thread and see it disappear into the annals of the forum database.

I'll be sorry to see you go, mostly because I never saw you were here, sorry you had this experience.

I believe it's more of a get what you give thing. The more you post and participate on the forum/ chats/ pms, the more people know you and want to interact with you.

Take care.

No one makes interesting threads, so I don't get the issue.

When I look through your threads I don't see any without responses and one of your more recent ones has four pages.

TheRealCallie said:

I don't  believe that's really true.  People respond to everyone, not just the popular people.  People leave for a lot of different reasons, perhaps some leave for that reason, but definitely not a lot.  I think the problem is what is posted.  When you only come to post a thread that's extremely negative and it's similar to everything else you've posted and you don't post and participate in any other threads, that's bound to be noticed.  
You have to give a little to get a little.  I know I've responded to several of your threads, if I'm not mistaken, and I know others have, as well.  But I don't really see you posting to other threads, trying to help others.  If you only post in your own threads, with the occasional other thread (mainly talking about yourself), how can you expect others to want to talk to you?

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I have to agree with just about everything that you wrote here except for what I highlighted. People certainly do not respond to everyone because some they intentionally ignore. If I have to use myself for example then I will. I have made many posts with the hope of some kind of response or encouragement and I received none. But I am thinking of one member here who, if she just sneezes, gets people asking her how she feels. So in a way it is a popularity contest.

Everything else you posted I really can not disagree with. And I won't.  You said that "you have to give a little to get a little." Maybe I have not given a lot in the past. But Callie, I have not been given much either.

Don't worry about what I wrote. I will be gone soon again.

Kamya wrote:

I believe it's more of a get what you give thing. The more you post and participate on the forum/ chats/ pms, the more people know you and want to interact with you.

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That makes sense too but take a look at the number of posts that I have. I have over 1,700 posts. I participate in the chat and the forums but I do not get a lot of PM's. I am like the guy at a work event that everyone sees but goes out of their way to avoid. And I am not like that at all. It's everyone's loss if they don't know that.

BeyondShy said:

TheRealCallie said:

I don't  believe that's really true.  People respond to everyone, not just the popular people.  People leave for a lot of different reasons, perhaps some leave for that reason, but definitely not a lot.  I think the problem is what is posted.  When you only come to post a thread that's extremely negative and it's similar to everything else you've posted and you don't post and participate in any other threads, that's bound to be noticed.  
You have to give a little to get a little.  I know I've responded to several of your threads, if I'm not mistaken, and I know others have, as well.  But I don't really see you posting to other threads, trying to help others.  If you only post in your own threads, with the occasional other thread (mainly talking about yourself), how can you expect others to want to talk to you?

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I have to agree with just about everything that you wrote here except for what I highlighted. People certainly do not respond to everyone because some they intentionally ignore. If I have to use myself for example then I will. I have made many posts with the hope of some kind of response or encouragement and I received none. But I am thinking of one member here who, if she just sneezes, gets people asking her how she feels. So in a way it is a popularity contest.

Everything else you posted I really can not disagree with. And I won't.  You said that "you have to give a little to get a little." Maybe I have not given a lot in the past. But Callie, I have not been given much either.

Don't worry about what I wrote. I will be gone soon again.

Kamya wrote:

I believe it's more of a get what you give thing. The more you post and participate on the forum/ chats/ pms, the more people know you and want to interact with you.

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That makes sense too but take a look at the number of posts that I have. I have over 1,700 posts. I participate in the chat and the forums but I do not get a lot of PM's. I am like the guy at a work event that everyone sees but goes out of their way to avoid. And I am not like that at all. It's everyone's loss if they don't know that.

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Not many people go in the Express Yourself section of the forum.  And aside from that, look at how you were posting when you first got here.  How many of those 1700 posts were you attacking because you thought you have to defend yourself?  That plays a large role is how you will be perceived in the future.  Yes, you are better now, but at the beginning, you were attacking more than anything else.  Some of it was legit, but a lot of it was just you imagining something that wasn't really there, misunderstanding what the person was saying.

TheRealCallie said:

Not many people go in the Express Yourself section of the forum.  And aside from that, look at how you were posting when you first got here.  How many of those 1700 posts were you attacking because you thought you have to defend yourself?  That plays a large role is how you will be perceived in the future.  Yes, you are better now, but at the beginning, you were attacking more than anything else.  Some of it was legit, but a lot of it was just you imagining something that wasn't really there, misunderstanding what the person was saying.

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That's not true. Take a look at the Express Yourself thread. There are 1,524 threads in there and that beats the Games thread, Entertainment thread and the Computer and Video Games thread. That alone right there should tell you that it is a very active part of the forum. That's also the area where in late 2015 I made an offer to anyone who wanted to view my photo galleries and only one person asked. But as soon as I got upset because of the cold shoulder I got people then came in to tell me off. Maybe I did attack at times to defend myself but in that case, no, not at all.

Maybe I did misunderstand a lot when I first joined but it is not the case now. Some people get ignored because others enjoy it. Maybe I am one of the unlucky ones. Or maybe the ones that do it to me are the unlucky ones because I am a decent person who is a loyal friend.

I only check every few days sometimes, so I might miss newer posts or feel that everything I could say has been covered. Nothing to do with how I feel about someone. It's easier to remember people who post regularly, too.

The men you're talking about exist everywhere online -- nothing to do with this site. They're predators who want someone lonely, desperate, and easy to manipulate with false kindness, or low self-esteem types who don't care about using girls they don't know or care about for attention online. They don't come here for help or community, and don't represent the forum.

Aww, yeah, I can totally see how this happened though. You stayed away for a year and then posted a wall of text with the title 'I hate my life' about a girl from school.

People skim read even very short posts because all they are really interested in is replying (because they came here for interaction?). It's the same in real life, people don't listen they just wait for their turn to speak (or don't wait and just speak loudly over me, haha).

It seems to me that a lot of people only get online to argue anyway. Yesterday someone tried to fight me over a radio show about sloths, lol.

The internet is just screaming into the void.

I hope you stay and give us a chance to do better.

Some things I have learned in life are a) nobody cares and b) nobody is coming to save me

Sarah G said:

Some things I have learned in life are a) nobody cares and b) nobody is coming to save me

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Little addendum just to that last part; a) isn't true, no matter how much some people try not to (not talking about experience at all lol) and b), if it was just in my power, welll.
I'd save all of you.

But I suffer from the Superman Syndrome, so I don't know what that's worth  

As for the actual thread...I don't think you're looking at it the right way.
I learned a long time ago that many of the truths we cling to greatly depend on our own point of views. I think a lot of people are, in a sense, miserable because they expect the world to cater to them, to change according to what they feel is owed. Often times, they're actually right, too, because some people have suffered horribly. It's not the way things work, though.
THe world is a hard place. It WILL crush you and break you as much as it can.
Don't let it.
Change instead of waiting for the world to change. Look at things differently. As cliche as it sounds, I think it's the only way to stay sane.
That and laugh.
AT ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

Richard_39 said:

Change instead of waiting for the world to change. Look at things differently. As cliche as it sounds, I think it's the only way to stay sane.
That and laugh.
AT ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

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I really wish I had a dime for every time I read or heard this piece of advice. Even if you try to look at things differently (which I have) you still will get treated the same. In here and in real life. And as far as laughing, I don't do that as much as I would like to. But that's another story.

It's not a popularity issue, but an IQ-based relation with who we get along.

Bias isn't the reason people choose to interact with others or not on this forum. You're absolutely right about it being just like real life. In real life, people gravitate toward, and speak to people that they are comfortable talking to and interacting with. Many people on this forum have some level of difficulty communicating with and identifying with others. That's human nature - not bias.

I am leaving because of bias. (And other reasons) So many posts where people look down on more extroverted people like my self, not directed at me personally, but lead me to lash out.

Tealeaf said:

I only check every few days sometimes, so I might miss newer posts or feel that everything I could say has been covered. Nothing to do with how I feel about someone. It's easier to remember people who post regularly, too.

The men you're talking about exist everywhere online -- nothing to do with this site. They're predators who want someone lonely, desperate, and easy to manipulate with false kindness, or low self-esteem types who don't care about using girls they don't know or care about for attention online. They don't come here for help or community, and don't represent the forum.

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This is full of prejudice towards men, for some it's easier to get along with women, like myself for instance, I have a hard time trusting men, and when I do trust them, I have an even harder time liking them, because I do not like the machismo talk, the team sport they happen to be into doesn't interest me either and drinking lots just for the fun of drinking lots I'll never do.

I'm not saying those types don't exist, I wished I could say that, but not all people who gravitate towards woman, even the lonely, desperate, and easy to manipulate ones, are predators, some will just be all those things themselves, or is that when they get the low self-esteem label?

I have no doubt you as a woman have, or know of others that had, these experiences, and they are very real, they are not the exclusive domain of women however, men get taken advantage of like that by women just the same, we only aren't allowed to cry about it, because we're men! *pumps chest up*

BeyondShy said:

Richard_39 said:

Change instead of waiting for the world to change. Look at things differently. As cliche as it sounds, I think it's the only way to stay sane.
That and laugh.
AT ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

Click to expand...

I really wish I had a dime for every time I read or heard this piece of advice. Even if you try to look at things differently (which I have) you still will get treated the same. In here and in real life. And as far as laughing, I don't do that as much as I would like to. But that's another story.

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I don't know you very well, it's been a long time since I saw you around on chat, and we are in opposite time zones as well if I remember correctly. How ever much you might have heard this, and however much you might have dismissed it does not matter, what matters is that despite or because of the advice you already have changed, and are still continuing to do so. It is unfair that others here are stuck thinking off the old you when they read your posts, they just need time to change, and even then not everyone will.

Seahorse said:

I am leaving because of bias. (And other reasons) So many posts where people look down on more extroverted people like my self, not directed at me personally, but lead me to lash out.

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I'm sorry you had this experience, I'll play devils advocate here and ask you how biased are you towards the less extrovert people like that? We are all just people, extrovert or introvert, male or female, young or old, why does everything have to be a fight? why does every opinion need to be attacked or defended at all costs? 

If opinions differ that is ok, accept people have a different look on things compared to your own, and not all are open to new ideas.

I am not biased towards introverted people. I mostly just got frustrated that on here that people really don't want to just chat. They do want to debate, argue etc, complain A LOT. Real life is not like that, at least not my experience.