Has anyone ever had anything really bad happen to you that even decades later affects ever single action you take in life? I have crippling anxiety, I have trouble trusting people and I have trouble making and maintaining friendships. I spent many years as a shut in, I am slowly coming out more but I still feel most comfortable in my room with the door locked.
My interests have always been different from everyone else's and I won't pretend to be someone else just to make a friend. But even if I weren't a weirdo I would still have difficulty making friends.
I want to live a normal life and function as a normal person and I absolutely loath myself most days to the point where it makes me feel sick to even look at myself in the mirror. I feel pathetic, and I feel like a loser.
I want to just be able to get past this and live my life. I wish it were as simple as just "getting over it" as a lot of people make it out to be when anyone has any sort of mental illness. I really hate the phrase too, mental illness it carries such a stigma, people either don't take it seriously and treat you like a faker or whiner or they think that you are crazy and could snap at any minute. Which is why I have kept everything to myself for 20 years and people only know surface areas of it.
I always feel like I don't belong, like I am another species, watching other people who seem to be well adjusted and living life normally. I don't feel like I am one of them if that makes any sense.
How long am I supposed to carry this? Why can't I move on? Those are thoughts I have sometimes. Its lonely when no one around you can relate to you at all.
Sorry for rambling and being stupid. Just feeling like I am all alone in this and that no one can understand what I am going through.
My interests have always been different from everyone else's and I won't pretend to be someone else just to make a friend. But even if I weren't a weirdo I would still have difficulty making friends.
I want to live a normal life and function as a normal person and I absolutely loath myself most days to the point where it makes me feel sick to even look at myself in the mirror. I feel pathetic, and I feel like a loser.
I want to just be able to get past this and live my life. I wish it were as simple as just "getting over it" as a lot of people make it out to be when anyone has any sort of mental illness. I really hate the phrase too, mental illness it carries such a stigma, people either don't take it seriously and treat you like a faker or whiner or they think that you are crazy and could snap at any minute. Which is why I have kept everything to myself for 20 years and people only know surface areas of it.
I always feel like I don't belong, like I am another species, watching other people who seem to be well adjusted and living life normally. I don't feel like I am one of them if that makes any sense.
How long am I supposed to carry this? Why can't I move on? Those are thoughts I have sometimes. Its lonely when no one around you can relate to you at all.
Sorry for rambling and being stupid. Just feeling like I am all alone in this and that no one can understand what I am going through.