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I can't make friends at work and it makes my days super hard
#11
(12-31-2017, 04:56 AM)lovableplatypus Wrote: Most people at my workplace are somewhat friends with each other. They always find things to talk about. Then there's me, the one who barely looks anyone in the eye. I don't know why I'm so scared. I'm scared to show my true self. I get exhausted easily and I think it's better to always be quiet than sometimes be happy and talkative. It happened to me when I started working there. I always greeted everyone, smiling at everyone, talking, etc. But after a couple of days to a week I kind of shut down. It probably makes me look weird.

Sometimes I have a good day when I've managed to talk to some people. During those days I'm scared of tomorrow when I'll probably be quiet again and I would have to start it all over. I don't know if that makes any sense.

I feel awkward, sad, depressed, lonely every day at work. It's mentally and physically draining. I don't know how to make things better. I'm so invisible and quiet it's like I don't exist. I'm scared I'm making the work atmosphere bad because I feel I might seem rude to others? I don't know... :/

Not everyone is capable of making friends and being social, I think that is fine.
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#12
Hi

Just reading your post really struck a chord with me. I've always been socially awkward and over the last few years it's got worse. I find making small talk so stressful, draining and feel like I'm causing an atmosphere by being quiet too. I enjoy being busy and hate silence, because I feel like I have to chat and fill it. My previous Manager kept telling me to shut up, because I was quiet. It made me want to retreat into my shell even more. 

Hugs
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#13
But then are coworkers gossippy?
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#14
(12-31-2017, 04:56 AM)lovableplatypus Wrote: Most people at my workplace are somewhat friends with each other. They always find things to talk about. Then there's me, the one who barely looks anyone in the eye. I don't know why I'm so scared. I'm scared to show my true self. I get exhausted easily and I think it's better to always be quiet than sometimes be happy and talkative. It happened to me when I started working there. I always greeted everyone, smiling at everyone, talking, etc. But after a couple of days to a week I kind of shut down. It probably makes me look weird.

Sometimes I have a good day when I've managed to talk to some people. During those days I'm scared of tomorrow when I'll probably be quiet again and I would have to start it all over. I don't know if that makes any sense.

I feel awkward, sad, depressed, lonely every day at work. It's mentally and physically draining. I don't know how to make things better. I'm so invisible and quiet it's like I don't exist. I'm scared I'm making the work atmosphere bad because I feel I might seem rude to others? I don't know... :/

Here's the cold hard truth, if it's not in your blood, it's not in your blood.  If you have any type of anti-social traits that make it awkward for you to insert yourself into established social circles (work cliques fit in nicely) - you will only frustrate yourself and cause a whole bunch of anxiety that you really don't need.

My advice is to shut up and work. That's why you're there anyway, not to make friends.  Dismiss the cliques, eat by yourself either in your car, or some other private place if the staff lounge is uncomfortable.  If the current work environment doesn't accept you, just don't worry about it.  Make your money and leave.

I work in an environment where I've been for nearly 30 years.  I'm the longest standing employee almost in this whole place. I have a saying (thanks to "The Who")  "Meet the new staff, same as the old staff" - I was 26 when I started here, the staff were all in their 40s' and 50's - and around the early 2000s, retired and new younger people replaced them.  This new staff is just as treacherous and backstabbing as the old. The game never changed, except maybe the level of fakeness.  As with the old staff, I never fit in.  I made a half hearted attempt in my first couple years, which was a huge mistake.  Probably since 1994 or so, I have been a island to myself.  I'm out of every loop, and I like it that way.  Occasionally I find out tidbits of information from third or fourth sources about the gossip about me - and I could really care less.  After awhile, you don't take the hits so hard, or like myself, not at all.  I know they talk, they ALWAYS talk, and if it's not me, it's their own friends and peers.

Get used to it.
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#15
Not having friends at work is often a blessing. Whenever I had friends at work it always turned sour after a year or so and work became unpleasant. You can be friendly with people there but there is a strong case for keeping your social life and work life separate and if you have a stronger social circle outside the workplace, what happens at work will seem less important.
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