I can't make friends at work and it makes my days super hard

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lovableplatypus

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Most people at my workplace are somewhat friends with each other. They always find things to talk about. Then there's me, the one who barely looks anyone in the eye. I don't know why I'm so scared. I'm scared to show my true self. I get exhausted easily and I think it's better to always be quiet than sometimes be happy and talkative. It happened to me when I started working there. I always greeted everyone, smiling at everyone, talking, etc. But after a couple of days to a week I kind of shut down. It probably makes me look weird.

Sometimes I have a good day when I've managed to talk to some people. During those days I'm scared of tomorrow when I'll probably be quiet again and I would have to start it all over. I don't know if that makes any sense.

I feel awkward, sad, depressed, lonely every day at work. It's mentally and physically draining. I don't know how to make things better. I'm so invisible and quiet it's like I don't exist. I'm scared I'm making the work atmosphere bad because I feel I might seem rude to others? I don't know... :/
 
Hey there,

I've always had similar issues, I was lucky to come into an office with one co worker who needed exactly that, someone who wasn't a mr.popular or yapping his ears off all the time, gradually I grew into it and talk just came, it's not as if I talk a lot now, I'm still one of the more quiet ones, but that one colleague is the closest thing to a friend I have.

However scared you might e, it's time to slowly but surely show your true self, if you go through life staying hidden, you can't really expect people to want to get to know you, they would feel as much as if they were bothering you as you would walking up and talking to them, but sometimes you have to push through that, and learn from it, get in that mindset that allows you to be you, and be ok with whatever the outcome may be.

I hope you do slowly decide to venture out of that shell and communicate, interact and engage however awkwardly it may be :)
 
when I first started at my work place 14 years ago, I barely spoke to people unless I had too, eventually I opened up to the people there a little and made a few acquaintances, one of those people has been my best friend for several years now. Being very introverted makes it hard for me with new members of staff usually.

Point is, people interact with others at different speeds, youll get comfortable eventually.

And if you dont, dont worry about it, you're there to work, not to socialize.
 
I've worked jobs that were physically or mentally exhausting, to the point where it was hard to focus on socializing. Keeping up a happy face all the time took so much energy. I don't know if that's the case for you, but you might be too hard on yourself if you're expecting 100% outgoing, 100% of the time. I don't think it's starting over to have quieter days.
 
I'm the same. At work its extremely hard to keep a conversation going and I always feel inadequate next to my colleagues. I fin myself checking and replaying what I want to say to them in my head and then usually shut it down and just make myself invisible. It got better though, as time went by. I still can't hold a conversation but I now respond with longer sentences lol.

From me, if verbal interaction is difficult maybe all you need is to work on your body language, smile heaps nod in acknowledgement heaps even offering a coffee ?

Whatever it is like stated above. Don't be so hard on yourself, itl come when it comes and maybe one of your colleagues will approach you instead
 
I had exactly the same problem, and even though I was in the job almost 30 years, there were still some people I wasn’t comfortable around, even after all that time. But I made friends with some people, and would talk, however awkwardly, with the more gregarious popular people occasionally. I just came to learn that I couldn’t get on with everybody no matter what I wanted, and that that was fine.
 
Unless you are making them your enemy, you are fine. Believe me: ITS FINE, ITs okay. Relax. Don't worry about this, worrying won't change anything, atleast for the better.
 
Thank you for the responses. I've noticed that I'm most comfortable when I am on a mission: you know, when you're so focused on what you're doing and being busy, you forget about everyone else. But yeah, I will start to tell myself not to worry about being quiet. I have every right to be myself as everyone else. :)
 
Very similiar things happened to me , with the difference im good looking and tall and sometimes i have great chances but i miss them due to insecurity and nerveousness.
 
lovableplatypus said:
Most people at my workplace are somewhat friends with each other. They always find things to talk about. Then there's me, the one who barely looks anyone in the eye. I don't know why I'm so scared. I'm scared to show my true self. I get exhausted easily and I think it's better to always be quiet than sometimes be happy and talkative. It happened to me when I started working there. I always greeted everyone, smiling at everyone, talking, etc. But after a couple of days to a week I kind of shut down. It probably makes me look weird.

Sometimes I have a good day when I've managed to talk to some people. During those days I'm scared of tomorrow when I'll probably be quiet again and I would have to start it all over. I don't know if that makes any sense.

I feel awkward, sad, depressed, lonely every day at work. It's mentally and physically draining. I don't know how to make things better. I'm so invisible and quiet it's like I don't exist. I'm scared I'm making the work atmosphere bad because I feel I might seem rude to others? I don't know... :/

Not everyone is capable of making friends and being social, I think that is fine.
 
Hi

Just reading your post really struck a chord with me. I've always been socially awkward and over the last few years it's got worse. I find making small talk so stressful, draining and feel like I'm causing an atmosphere by being quiet too. I enjoy being busy and hate silence, because I feel like I have to chat and fill it. My previous Manager kept telling me to shut up, because I was quiet. It made me want to retreat into my shell even more. 

Hugs
 
lovableplatypus said:
Most people at my workplace are somewhat friends with each other. They always find things to talk about. Then there's me, the one who barely looks anyone in the eye. I don't know why I'm so scared. I'm scared to show my true self. I get exhausted easily and I think it's better to always be quiet than sometimes be happy and talkative. It happened to me when I started working there. I always greeted everyone, smiling at everyone, talking, etc. But after a couple of days to a week I kind of shut down. It probably makes me look weird.

Sometimes I have a good day when I've managed to talk to some people. During those days I'm scared of tomorrow when I'll probably be quiet again and I would have to start it all over. I don't know if that makes any sense.

I feel awkward, sad, depressed, lonely every day at work. It's mentally and physically draining. I don't know how to make things better. I'm so invisible and quiet it's like I don't exist. I'm scared I'm making the work atmosphere bad because I feel I might seem rude to others? I don't know... :/

Here's the cold hard truth, if it's not in your blood, it's not in your blood.  If you have any type of anti-social traits that make it awkward for you to insert yourself into established social circles (work cliques fit in nicely) - you will only frustrate yourself and cause a whole bunch of anxiety that you really don't need.

My advice is to shut up and work. That's why you're there anyway, not to make friends.  Dismiss the cliques, eat by yourself either in your car, or some other private place if the staff lounge is uncomfortable.  If the current work environment doesn't accept you, just don't worry about it.  Make your money and leave.

I work in an environment where I've been for nearly 30 years.  I'm the longest standing employee almost in this whole place. I have a saying (thanks to "The Who")  "Meet the new staff, same as the old staff" - I was 26 when I started here, the staff were all in their 40s' and 50's - and around the early 2000s, retired and new younger people replaced them.  This new staff is just as treacherous and backstabbing as the old. The game never changed, except maybe the level of fakeness.  As with the old staff, I never fit in.  I made a half hearted attempt in my first couple years, which was a huge mistake.  Probably since 1994 or so, I have been a island to myself.  I'm out of every loop, and I like it that way.  Occasionally I find out tidbits of information from third or fourth sources about the gossip about me - and I could really care less.  After awhile, you don't take the hits so hard, or like myself, not at all.  I know they talk, they ALWAYS talk, and if it's not me, it's their own friends and peers.

Get used to it.
 
Not having friends at work is often a blessing. Whenever I had friends at work it always turned sour after a year or so and work became unpleasant. You can be friendly with people there but there is a strong case for keeping your social life and work life separate and if you have a stronger social circle outside the workplace, what happens at work will seem less important.
 

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