December 31st Flashbacks

Every New Year's Eve, I am plagued by flashbacks of horrible Dec 31s.

Everything negative just seems so much more poignant to me on this date. I barely remember the ones that were just pleasant.

Anyone else have this? Tell me your most horrible Dec 31.

2010 was especially horrid. I was self-medicating my social anxiety with alcohol from about lunch time onwards even though the party I was being forced to attend wasn't until the evening. My husband was also hitting the rum way too early (we were active alcoholics at that time). I started being pissy about getting ready (because I didn't want to go to the party) and had a fight with my husband. I stormed off with my bag but no keys or phone and stood at the bus stop planning to get a bus to the airport (lol). The buses don't ride on NYE. I bummed around the neighbourhood freezing to death for a few hours before eventually going back to the house but my husband had gone to the party. After hours and hours of me freezing in the front garden he came back and let me into the house but then he went back to the party (and was pissed that I wouldn't go with him). As it was a family party (his family) everyone knew we had fought and that I am a mentally unstable drama queen (when I drink alcohol at least).

December 31st, 1972 mid afternoon several days into a depression and coming down off a solitary acid trip (not a good combination). I logically decided that I was insane and should be hospitalized. So I tried hitchhiking to Agnews State Mental Hospital.....I didn't feel fit to drive. A pair of city police officers observed from their car that something was "off" and stopped to question me, so I told them I was psychotic and needed sanctuary in a psych ward. They took me to the emergency room of the local general hospital.....the place was a pandemonium of human mishaps. All kinds of untidy malfunctions of peoples' lives gone wrong. Big Nurse said since I wasn't bleeding or anything I should sit in the waiting room with the anxious, frightened (and mostly poor) patients' families and friends. The grief and seemingly helpless f***edupness factor in there with them was like a toxic atmosphere.

A few hours later, never having been spoken to by any other hospital staff since the merciless Big Nurse, I walked out. It was a few miles walk to my apartment and I bought a jug of vodka on the way. At home I self medicated with that and passed out into alcoholic oblivion. The next morning, New Years Day, things didn't seem quite so bad for me.

constant stranger said:

December 31st, 1972 mid afternoon several days into a depression and coming down off a solitary acid trip (not a good combination).  I logically decided that I was insane and should be hospitalized.  So I tried hitchhiking to Agnews State Mental Hospital.....I didn't feel fit to drive.  A pair of city police officers observed from their car that something was "off" and stopped to question me, so I told them I was psychotic and needed sanctuary in a psych ward.  They took me to the emergency room of the local general hospital.....the place was a pandemonium of human mishaps.  All kinds of untidy malfunctions of peoples' lives gone wrong.  Big Nurse said since I wasn't bleeding or anything I should sit in the waiting room with the anxious, frightened (and mostly poor) patients' families and friends.  The grief and seemingly helpless f***edupness factor in there with them was like a toxic atmosphere.

A few hours later, never having been spoken to by any other hospital staff since the merciless Big Nurse, I walked out.  It was a few miles walk to my apartment and I bought a jug of vodka on the way.  At home I self medicated with that and passed out into alcoholic oblivion.  The next morning, New Years Day, things didn't seem quite so bad for me.

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Jesus :O

That was a bad yet memorable day at least.

constant stranger said:

December 31st, 1972 mid afternoon several days into a depression and coming down off a solitary acid trip (not a good combination).  I logically decided that I was insane and should be hospitalized.  So I tried hitchhiking to Agnews State Mental Hospital.....I didn't feel fit to drive.  A pair of city police officers observed from their car that something was "off" and stopped to question me, so I told them I was psychotic and needed sanctuary in a psych ward.  They took me to the emergency room of the local general hospital.....the place was a pandemonium of human mishaps.  All kinds of untidy malfunctions of peoples' lives gone wrong.  Big Nurse said since I wasn't bleeding or anything I should sit in the waiting room with the anxious, frightened (and mostly poor) patients' families and friends.  The grief and seemingly helpless f***edupness factor in there with them was like a toxic atmosphere.

A few hours later, never having been spoken to by any other hospital staff since the merciless Big Nurse, I walked out.  It was a few miles walk to my apartment and I bought a jug of vodka on the way.  At home I self medicated with that and passed out into alcoholic oblivion.  The next morning, New Years Day, things didn't seem quite so bad for me.

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That is really just...quite...I laughed first of all and then I reprimanded myself because it's not funny to be in such a situation of course. I'm glad you survived it without getting sectioned...I guess sometimes self-medicating with alcohol is a positive thing. Did you ever take acid again or did you write that off as a bad idea?

None of my New Year's Eve memories can match with the ones you two had.

BeyondShy said:

None of my New Year's Eve memories can match with the ones you two had.

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If something doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger.      

:club:

Every day since September the 5th has been a living nightmare. Dec 31st included.
While time may dull the pain, no future day will not feel alien anymore.