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user 139760

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A vulture boards a plane carrying two dead racoons.

The stewardess says "Sorry, but we only allow each passenger one carrion".
 
SO a guy walks into a bar.

The end.


Ever noticed people have an irrational fear of spatulas?
 
To this day, we have no news. He obviously integrated with it.
We'll give him some Cheers to go.
 
I did a really great presentation at work today, whiteboards are remarkable!

Oh it hurt even typing it... Richard if you like bad/cringy jokes you should watch the office (the UK version with Ricky Gervais) if you haven't.
 
Brennabean said:
I did a really great presentation at work today, whiteboards are remarkable!

Oh it hurt even typing it... Richard if you like bad/cringy jokes you should watch the office (the UK version with Ricky Gervais) if you haven't.

Send me the DVDs, I will ;-)
Though I never liked Ricky Gervais. Looks like a prick. I'm a much bigger fan of Fry and Laurie, or Monthy Python. Not cringe jokes, DUMB ones ;-)


Actually, we represent the Lollypop Guild, and WE WANT YOU!
 
Okay so there was one fly bent down trying to tie it's shoe laces. Another fly flies by, looks at him and says:

"HEY...YOUR FLY'S DOWN."
 
"That which does not kill you makes you stronger".
-Friedrich Nietzsche

"Woman was God's second mistake"
-Friedrich Nietzsche

"Do Unto Other Before They Do Unto You"
-Stone Cold Steve Austin, Chapter 3, Verse 16
 
So, Pokemons are a creation of the Devil and an Enemy of God.

They should all be tied to the stake and burnt in effigy.

So sayeth the Lords of the Dance.


Bill Gates farted in an Apple store and stank up the place.

But it's their fault for not having windows.
 
Chuck Norris has brail on his boots so even blind people know when it's coming.
 
See this bar we're drinking on? I built it. But do they call me Joe the carpenter? Nope. See that hotrod outside? I fully restored it. But do they call me Joe the mechanic? No way. But you only have to sleep with ONE SHEEP.....
 
:D :D :D 

Awesome!

TheLoadedDog said:
See this bar we're drinking on?  I built it.  But do they call me Joe the carpenter?  Nope.  See that hotrod outside?  I fully restored it.  But do they call me Joe the mechanic?  No way.  But you only have to sleep with ONE SHEEP.....
 
See? Like so.
Now, no one knows it's a continuation of the other convo, but it doesn't really matter. I KNOW, I think I'm hilarious, and that's all I need, even if I'm not lol.

I still think a porcu should know to pine.
Why does the beaver give a dam?
What is the difference between a duck?

Answer all these questions and there's nothing left to do!
 
A duck? One of its feet are both the same size.

There was the Oceania division of the world soccer tournament flying to Europe. The plane developed engine trouble, and the pilot advised they wouldn't make the nearest airfield unless they shed some weight. So the lads were throwing seats and such out the door. But it was still not enough. They needed to lose more weight.

The Fijian bloke, put his hand on his heart, said, "For Fiji!" and leapt to his death.

The others were touched by his gesture of self sacrifice.

But it was still not enough, and the Indonesian guy took the big leap for his country.

But still not enough.

The Australian and the New Zealander are looking at each other.

Finally, the Australian stands up, places his hand on his heart, declares "FOR AUSTRALIA!"

And boots the New Zealander out the door.
 
LOL That reminds me of an evil newfie joke here in french lol.
3 guys on a place, a french man, an english bloke and a Newfie. When the plane passes over the English dude's land, he throws a quarter out and says "it's a contribution for my country". When they pass over the frenchman's land, he does the same, saying "it's a contribution for my country".
Finally, when they pass over the Newfie's land, he throws a 20 dollar bill out the plane. When the Englishman asks him why he threw so much money out the plane, Newfie looks at them and answers "What? I'm waiting for my change"

;-)
 
We need Newfies here... wait! We have Tasmanians! All good.

A Tasmanian got mugged. He put up a hellish fight. He was scratching, kicking, biting, punching, going to all hell. The mugger took a few hits but ended up winning.

He took the Tasmanian's wallet. "Five dollars? You put up one hell of a fight for five dollars!"

"Aaah, no. I thought you were after the two hundred bucks hidden in my sock."
 
TheLoadedDog said:
We need Newfies here...  wait!  We have Tasmanians!   All good.

A Tasmanian got mugged.  He put up a hellish fight.  He was scratching, kicking, biting, punching, going to all hell.  The mugger took a few hits but ended up winning.

He took the Tasmanian's wallet.  "Five dollars?  You put up one hell of a fight for five dollars!"

"Aaah, no.  I thought you were after the two hundred bucks hidden in my sock."

LOL Ah. The little Devils. ;-)
 

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