Nick Walker
Member
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2018
- Messages
- 13
- Reaction score
- 0
Although I'd rather not kick off my introduction to this seemingly wonderful site with a personal dose of my own negativity, I'm going to anyways.
I'd prefer to not feel this way, but I'm struggling right now so here goes:
I may or may not have BPD. That makes it very hard to just make it through each day. It's an uphill battle and I'm almost always losing. I also deal with psychotic tendencies on occasion. Just thought I'd throw that out there but I will attempt to suppress them the best I can while online.
Over time I've lost many friends, my sanity on and off and even my cat that I loved like a little brother.
Recently I find that I'm dealing with reoccurring loneliness and depression even several months after losing a girl that I considered to be a true friend and had a special connection with.
I feel like my personality makes it impossible to keep anyone around as I have a knack for pissing others off sometimes without even trying.
I have helped several people over the last few years ever since I almost attempted suicide and promised to never fall so far again. I am somewhat of a martyr as I will put other people's suffering before my own needs and do whatever I can to pull them off that ledge so to speak. However, I have another side to me that is truly sadistic. I'm struggling to let go of this darkness but I'm addicted and it ruins the possibility of having a relationship or forming a close friendship with someone.
Truly I just don't know what to do anymore..
I'd prefer to not feel this way, but I'm struggling right now so here goes:
I may or may not have BPD. That makes it very hard to just make it through each day. It's an uphill battle and I'm almost always losing. I also deal with psychotic tendencies on occasion. Just thought I'd throw that out there but I will attempt to suppress them the best I can while online.
Over time I've lost many friends, my sanity on and off and even my cat that I loved like a little brother.
Recently I find that I'm dealing with reoccurring loneliness and depression even several months after losing a girl that I considered to be a true friend and had a special connection with.
I feel like my personality makes it impossible to keep anyone around as I have a knack for pissing others off sometimes without even trying.
I have helped several people over the last few years ever since I almost attempted suicide and promised to never fall so far again. I am somewhat of a martyr as I will put other people's suffering before my own needs and do whatever I can to pull them off that ledge so to speak. However, I have another side to me that is truly sadistic. I'm struggling to let go of this darkness but I'm addicted and it ruins the possibility of having a relationship or forming a close friendship with someone.
Truly I just don't know what to do anymore..