I don't understand what's going on in my life

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goodvibes

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Maybe telling you some of my story might help you.
I've recently stopped using not only hard drugs but all drugs for that matter(except I still drink coffee and smoke some cigs every now and then, maybe a beer) and tried to adopt a minimalist, positive lifestyle with an "artistic" kind of vibe if that makes sense(hence the name "goodvibes"), I go out less but I still go out, I've cut out all toxic people from my life, all those people that I've felt have been keeping me down from having a normal and happy lifestyle. I clean my room every day, eat healthier. I've also decided to study for the LSATs because I want to be a lawyer. I started drawing,painting and producing more. You'd think that with all that I'd be a pretty happy person or at least content but in fact I'm more depressed than ever, I've also been having a lot of panic attacks lately, more than ever really. I started hating music. In general. Any song I've listened to in the past couple of months, I hate it, I am in constant need for new music all the time, and I also started music genres altogether. I feel like most people started avoiding me more, I only have a handful of friends that are supportive of my intention to change my lifestyle. Ever since I've stopped doing drugs all I wanted to do is help people and be positive and the problem with that is probably that I expected the same from them, which is not the case at all. I hate the fact that people are negative, I hate all evil, I've been through so much bad stuff and all I want is positivity but deep down I feel like I've already died, except for a small part of me which still keeps me going, small things like thinking about stuff i like (Art, Cuba, sometimes cars, travelling in general, fashion all that stuff). I think the music part was a little too far-fetched, I still like music but I have some moments when I want to listen to something and hate everything. I can't seem to fit in anywhere but I do not want to be an outcast. Also it's not the people I surround myself with, that's not the problem I already cut off all bad people from my life and try to be very diverse when it comes to groups of people, I don't just hang out with 1 and only 1 group of people. As I'm writing this I don't even know if I've covered everything or repeated myself, I'm trying to make this as easy to comprehend as possible.
Also I can't seem to fall in love anymore, after I fell in love with a girl so hard last year and wasn't able to get over her until I literally told myself to pretend she's a horrible person so I wouldn't love her anymore. She did not love me back by the way, or at least she doesn't now and we never got to be together.
I am so desperate right now I'm just looking for any advice from someone who just read this, not knowing me as a person, not knowing how I look or how I speak or how I dress or where I'm from.
I honestly do not understand what's going on.
 
goodvibes said:
Maybe telling you some of my story might help you.
I've recently stopped using not only hard drugs but all drugs for that matter(except I still drink coffee and smoke some cigs every now and then, maybe a beer) and tried to adopt a minimalist, positive lifestyle with an "artistic" kind of vibe if that makes sense(hence the name "goodvibes"), I go out less but I still go out, I've cut out all toxic people from my life, all those people that I've felt have been keeping me down from having a normal and happy lifestyle. I clean my room every day, eat healthier. I've also decided to study for the LSATs because I want to be a lawyer. I started drawing,painting and producing more. You'd think that with all that I'd be a pretty happy person or at least content but in fact I'm more depressed than ever, I've also been having a lot of panic attacks lately, more than ever really. I started hating music. In general. Any song I've listened to in the past couple of months, I hate it, I am in constant need for new music all the time, and I also started music genres altogether. I feel like most people started avoiding me more, I only have a handful of friends that are supportive of my intention to change my lifestyle. Ever since I've stopped doing drugs all I wanted to do is help people and be positive and the problem with that is probably that I expected the same from them, which is not the case at all. I hate the fact that people are negative, I hate all evil, I've been through so much bad stuff and all I want is positivity but deep down I feel like I've already died, except for a small part of me which still keeps me going, small things like thinking about stuff i like (Art, Cuba, sometimes cars, travelling in general, fashion all that stuff). I think the music part was a little too far-fetched, I still like music but I have some moments when I want to listen to something and hate everything. I can't seem to fit in anywhere but I do not want to be an outcast. Also it's not the people I surround myself with, that's not the problem I already cut off all bad people from my life and try to be very diverse when it comes to groups of people, I don't just hang out with 1 and only 1 group of people. As I'm writing this I don't even know if I've covered everything or repeated myself, I'm trying to make this as easy to comprehend as possible.
Also I can't seem to fall in love anymore, after I fell in love with a girl so hard last year and wasn't able to get over her until I literally told myself to pretend she's a horrible person so I wouldn't love her anymore. She did not love me back by the way, or at least she doesn't now and we never got to be together.
I am so desperate right now I'm just looking for any advice from someone who just read this, not knowing me as a person, not knowing how I look or how I speak or how I dress or where I'm from.
I honestly do not understand what's going on.

Relax.
Seriously. Right now. Take a deep breath in and out.
Do you have any idea how tough you are? Do you?
Give yourself a freaking break two seconds, alright?
You made a lot of changes to your life in the last couple of weeks. These changes are complex, long, hard-wired changes and drug use is one of the hardest habits to kick. Trust me, I know. You made all these changes at the same time and you're, understandably, freaking out a bit. You need to relax. I know, easier said than done. But you have to take things one step at a time. Focus on one thing at a time and give yourself time to adapt, or you'll go nuts. Concentrate on getting through each day, one by one and smiling whenever you can. Don't think about love, or music, or anything else. Make yourself some new habits, and stick to them. Read a book, I don't know, just make your days routine and ease into it. Plenty of time to figure all the rest latter, just give yourself time to actually GROW into your new life.
And remember you're as tough as nails. It's fun when people tell you that, but it's not necessary; as long as YOU know it. You did a hard, brave thing. Be proud of it. And give yourself time.

Hope this helps, bro.
 
Richard_39 said:
goodvibes said:
Maybe telling you some of my story might help you.
I've recently stopped using not only hard drugs but all drugs for that matter(except I still drink coffee and smoke some cigs every now and then, maybe a beer) and tried to adopt a minimalist, positive lifestyle with an "artistic" kind of vibe if that makes sense(hence the name "goodvibes"), I go out less but I still go out, I've cut out all toxic people from my life, all those people that I've felt have been keeping me down from having a normal and happy lifestyle. I clean my room every day, eat healthier. I've also decided to study for the LSATs because I want to be a lawyer. I started drawing,painting and producing more. You'd think that with all that I'd be a pretty happy person or at least content but in fact I'm more depressed than ever, I've also been having a lot of panic attacks lately, more than ever really. I started hating music. In general. Any song I've listened to in the past couple of months, I hate it, I am in constant need for new music all the time, and I also started music genres altogether. I feel like most people started avoiding me more, I only have a handful of friends that are supportive of my intention to change my lifestyle. Ever since I've stopped doing drugs all I wanted to do is help people and be positive and the problem with that is probably that I expected the same from them, which is not the case at all. I hate the fact that people are negative, I hate all evil, I've been through so much bad stuff and all I want is positivity but deep down I feel like I've already died, except for a small part of me which still keeps me going, small things like thinking about stuff i like (Art, Cuba, sometimes cars, travelling in general, fashion all that stuff). I think the music part was a little too far-fetched, I still like music but I have some moments when I want to listen to something and hate everything. I can't seem to fit in anywhere but I do not want to be an outcast. Also it's not the people I surround myself with, that's not the problem I already cut off all bad people from my life and try to be very diverse when it comes to groups of people, I don't just hang out with 1 and only 1 group of people. As I'm writing this I don't even know if I've covered everything or repeated myself, I'm trying to make this as easy to comprehend as possible.
Also I can't seem to fall in love anymore, after I fell in love with a girl so hard last year and wasn't able to get over her until I literally told myself to pretend she's a horrible person so I wouldn't love her anymore. She did not love me back by the way, or at least she doesn't now and we never got to be together.
I am so desperate right now I'm just looking for any advice from someone who just read this, not knowing me as a person, not knowing how I look or how I speak or how I dress or where I'm from.
I honestly do not understand what's going on.

Relax.
Seriously. Right now. Take a deep breath in and out.
Do you have any idea how tough you are? Do you?
Give yourself a freaking break two seconds, alright?
You made a lot of changes to your life in the last couple of weeks. These changes are complex, long, hard-wired changes and drug use is one of the hardest habits to kick. Trust me, I know. You made all these changes at the same time and you're, understandably, freaking out a bit. You need to relax. I know, easier said than done. But you have to take things one step at a time. Focus on one thing at a time and give yourself time to adapt, or you'll go nuts. Concentrate on getting through each day, one by one and smiling whenever you can. Don't think about love, or music, or anything else. Make yourself some new habits, and stick to them. Read a book, I don't know, just make your days routine and ease into it. Plenty of time to figure all the rest latter, just give yourself time to actually GROW into your new life.
And remember you're as tough as nails. It's fun when people tell you that, but it's not necessary; as long as YOU know it. You did a hard, brave thing. Be proud of it. And give yourself time.

Hope this helps, bro.

Thank you a lot for this
 
goodvibes said:
Thank you a lot for this

Hey, it's my pleasure man. A lot of people judge when they shouldn't. Doing the right thing isn't always easy, but it makes you more of a person for trying to do it than those who look down on the problem. Try to be the best person you can every day, relax, deep breath and one thing at a time. Hang in there.
Like you asked before, I don't know who you are, what you look like or what you did before. But judging by this act and this act alone, you're a good person. So try and relax, breath a little and take things as they come. You'll make it, just don't force it. Take care bro.
 

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