goodvibes
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- Joined
- Jan 29, 2018
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Maybe telling you some of my story might help you.
I've recently stopped using not only hard drugs but all drugs for that matter(except I still drink coffee and smoke some cigs every now and then, maybe a beer) and tried to adopt a minimalist, positive lifestyle with an "artistic" kind of vibe if that makes sense(hence the name "goodvibes"), I go out less but I still go out, I've cut out all toxic people from my life, all those people that I've felt have been keeping me down from having a normal and happy lifestyle. I clean my room every day, eat healthier. I've also decided to study for the LSATs because I want to be a lawyer. I started drawing,painting and producing more. You'd think that with all that I'd be a pretty happy person or at least content but in fact I'm more depressed than ever, I've also been having a lot of panic attacks lately, more than ever really. I started hating music. In general. Any song I've listened to in the past couple of months, I hate it, I am in constant need for new music all the time, and I also started music genres altogether. I feel like most people started avoiding me more, I only have a handful of friends that are supportive of my intention to change my lifestyle. Ever since I've stopped doing drugs all I wanted to do is help people and be positive and the problem with that is probably that I expected the same from them, which is not the case at all. I hate the fact that people are negative, I hate all evil, I've been through so much bad stuff and all I want is positivity but deep down I feel like I've already died, except for a small part of me which still keeps me going, small things like thinking about stuff i like (Art, Cuba, sometimes cars, travelling in general, fashion all that stuff). I think the music part was a little too far-fetched, I still like music but I have some moments when I want to listen to something and hate everything. I can't seem to fit in anywhere but I do not want to be an outcast. Also it's not the people I surround myself with, that's not the problem I already cut off all bad people from my life and try to be very diverse when it comes to groups of people, I don't just hang out with 1 and only 1 group of people. As I'm writing this I don't even know if I've covered everything or repeated myself, I'm trying to make this as easy to comprehend as possible.
Also I can't seem to fall in love anymore, after I fell in love with a girl so hard last year and wasn't able to get over her until I literally told myself to pretend she's a horrible person so I wouldn't love her anymore. She did not love me back by the way, or at least she doesn't now and we never got to be together.
I am so desperate right now I'm just looking for any advice from someone who just read this, not knowing me as a person, not knowing how I look or how I speak or how I dress or where I'm from.
I honestly do not understand what's going on.
I've recently stopped using not only hard drugs but all drugs for that matter(except I still drink coffee and smoke some cigs every now and then, maybe a beer) and tried to adopt a minimalist, positive lifestyle with an "artistic" kind of vibe if that makes sense(hence the name "goodvibes"), I go out less but I still go out, I've cut out all toxic people from my life, all those people that I've felt have been keeping me down from having a normal and happy lifestyle. I clean my room every day, eat healthier. I've also decided to study for the LSATs because I want to be a lawyer. I started drawing,painting and producing more. You'd think that with all that I'd be a pretty happy person or at least content but in fact I'm more depressed than ever, I've also been having a lot of panic attacks lately, more than ever really. I started hating music. In general. Any song I've listened to in the past couple of months, I hate it, I am in constant need for new music all the time, and I also started music genres altogether. I feel like most people started avoiding me more, I only have a handful of friends that are supportive of my intention to change my lifestyle. Ever since I've stopped doing drugs all I wanted to do is help people and be positive and the problem with that is probably that I expected the same from them, which is not the case at all. I hate the fact that people are negative, I hate all evil, I've been through so much bad stuff and all I want is positivity but deep down I feel like I've already died, except for a small part of me which still keeps me going, small things like thinking about stuff i like (Art, Cuba, sometimes cars, travelling in general, fashion all that stuff). I think the music part was a little too far-fetched, I still like music but I have some moments when I want to listen to something and hate everything. I can't seem to fit in anywhere but I do not want to be an outcast. Also it's not the people I surround myself with, that's not the problem I already cut off all bad people from my life and try to be very diverse when it comes to groups of people, I don't just hang out with 1 and only 1 group of people. As I'm writing this I don't even know if I've covered everything or repeated myself, I'm trying to make this as easy to comprehend as possible.
Also I can't seem to fall in love anymore, after I fell in love with a girl so hard last year and wasn't able to get over her until I literally told myself to pretend she's a horrible person so I wouldn't love her anymore. She did not love me back by the way, or at least she doesn't now and we never got to be together.
I am so desperate right now I'm just looking for any advice from someone who just read this, not knowing me as a person, not knowing how I look or how I speak or how I dress or where I'm from.
I honestly do not understand what's going on.