I'm one rotten, depressed kid.

Well, I guess here I can start complaning about stuff, and all.

OK, So I am an 18 years old, and I guess I am totally wrong in every aspect of human being. I'm this one freak who have no friends (not even online), I have never been in any relationship, and to be honest, I'm not going to be. And also, I really hate myself, I guess it's really deep, and heavy depression. The point is, I really know how rotten I am, There's no one, who like me... people are usually hate me, or they don't know me, but If they do meet me, they propably would hate me too. I'm totally out from social life, usually I talk to someone onky in school, even If I'm feeling very unwelcome there. I have no friends online too... there's no "chat friend". I'm also out from a love life. I never been in any relationship, and I don't really want to be, mostly becose I don't think anyone could possible find me attractive, and nice. It was my decision to stay low, and gave up on people, becose I'm awere of my miserable being. 
Do I have a suicidal thoughs? At least one per hour. Do I seek help? I'm kinda immune to psychologists. Mostly becose I'm listening only to myself, and I don't really care what others talk about it. I becose immune since I turn 8, becose I already was unwelcome in school. So I decided to stop socializing since my early years. I remember I always was this one loser, with nothing. 
I hate everything about myself. I hate my body, face, voice, personality, thoughs, live style. I wish to be dead everyday, but I'm too lazy to actually do it. I'm waiting until someone kill me instead. 
Do I have anyone who would care about me? - of course not. Do I have any hobbies? - not really. I like drawing, but it's another reason why I should be dead (becose I'm suck). Do I have plans for future? - Just die... that's all. 
And, even If I'm immune to it, I really wanna try to at least feel better. Even If Im awere about the truth. I was depressed for 4 years now. But my problems are much more deeper than that. I always was like this (unhappy, lonley, and misunderstood kid)... but i had actuall suicide plans since those 4 years, so I guess I can count from there.

Aww, no one replies

Jesus. That's pretty gloomy.
OK there is that one brighter spot: ".....I really wanna try to at least feel better." Stay with that direction as much as you can.
And keep coming back to this forum, OK? Keep some kind of dialog going with us.....I'll be looking for you.

Nice to meet you, Wasside! I wish you could feel better here.
It's my first post for a long time here, and it's especially for you - so please, don't think that other peopel don't care about you
Feel free to message me if you feel lonely and/or depressed!

constant stranger said:

Jesus.  That's pretty gloomy.  
OK there is that one brighter spot:  ".....I really wanna try to at least feel better."  Stay with that direction as much as you can.
And keep coming back to this forum, OK?  Keep some kind of dialog going with us.....I'll be looking for you.

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Suuuree. That's a bright light in life.
yea... I'm kinda messed up... maybe one of the most messed up dude in world.

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Augusto said:

Nice to meet you, Wasside! I wish you could feel better here.
It's my first post for a long time here, and it's especially for you - so please, don't think that other peopel don't care about you
Feel free to message me if you feel lonely and/or depressed!

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If you could knew me better, you would propably become my bully... like everyone else.

You're really in a bleak space aren't you. Wasside? Alright, I won't give you any pollyanna, optimistic platitudes then.
But I'd still like you to keep coming back here.....even if it's just to ventilate some bitterness or something.
Just saying that, OK?

I know a counsellor. Let me tell you a truism. People who suicide do it quietly and successfully. This is not you - because you are talking about it. Good sign.

Being 18 sucks bloated dead donkey dongers. I hated it. But it gets better. I'm a depressive person and being 18 was awful. But I'm 47 and alive and kicking.
Hang in there.

Wasside, I don't know you right now, but I want to know you better

Not gonna judge you, not gonna bully you - only to help as much as I could, to make your life a bit more tolerable.

Wasside, you are NOT going to get bullied here. People who bully people get dealt with. Now, that's not to say that you will like everything we have to say. Sometimes, there may be some hard truths. But that's not bullying. You will find lots of kindness. You've done a good thing by coming here. Stick with us. We are an imperfect bunch of crazies, but we look after our own. You're one of us now. Give us a chance and we will give you one too.

constant stranger said:

You're really in a bleak space aren't you. Wasside?  Alright, I won't give you any pollyanna, optimistic platitudes then.
But I'd still like you to keep coming back here.....even if it's just to ventilate some bitterness or something.
Just saying that, OK?

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Yup! I'm pretty empty. But I like optymistic talk... expecilly with an interesting argume.
So feel free to message about positives things.

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TheLoadedDog said:

I know a counsellor.  Let me tell you a truism.  People who suicide do it quietly and successfully.  This is not you - because you are talking about it.  Good sign.

Being 18 sucks bloated dead donkey dongers.  I hated it.  But it gets better.  I'm a depressive person and being 18 was awful.  But I'm 47 and alive and kicking.
Hang in there.

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I'm too lazy for suicide. I rather wait until I die in a car accident. 
huh... youre kinda old one... even older than my father...
"Hang in there", cute joke as for a forum about a depression

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Augusto said:

Wasside, I don't know you right now, but I want to know you better

Not gonna judge you, not gonna bully you - only to help as much as I could, to make your life a bit more tolerable.

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I like judging... at least make me feel like someone actually care,and not just a "meh, i dont have a time to judge you, im going to judge someone worth my judgement"

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TheLoadedDog said:

Wasside, you are NOT going to get bullied here.  People who bully people get dealt with.  Now, that's not to say that you will like everything we have to say.  Sometimes, there may be some hard truths.  But that's not bullying.  You will find lots of kindness.  You've done a good thing by coming here.  Stick with us.  We are an imperfect bunch of crazies, but we look after our own.  You're one of us now.  Give us a chance and we will give you one too.  

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I already know all the truth, that i should know. (Heh, still kinda funny when people are depressed only becose they find out that there is no life purpose). Anyway, i know that here i won't find a bullies (even if i dont care). I actually came here to listen some smart people... im kinda lonley, and i have to keep fighting over this sadness (even if i like it sometimes.)

I only read your post.. not the responses.

It sounds like something happened 4 years ago that really set you down this path. Did something? Would you be willing to share?

OverTheRainbow said:

I only read your post.. not the responses.

It sounds like something happened 4 years ago that really set you down this path. Did something? Would you be willing to share?

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Nothing happen. I always was like that. I just grew up. When i was a kid I always told to myself, than when i grew up, everything will be diffrent. But here I am, and its still that misareble.

Coming out of the misery is possible.

M_also_lonely said:

Coming out of the misery is possible.

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No