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Finding it hard to enjoy people
#1
I'm someone who has gotten hurt a lot by people. 

Some of the pain was caused by mistakes I made, some of it was caused by others. Either way, the pain has numbed me out. I go into social situations with people and I feel like I'm not really there, and I have a hard time enjoying people because of it.

I remember when things weren't like this. When social interaction was a magical thing, and it made me feel happier than I could ever imagine. I was 15, coming out of a long, long era of talking to no one, and still fearing everyone because of the harsh bullying I had to ignore at school. I found people online that I could be myself around, and interacting with those people was one of the best times of my life. I had forgotten my sense of humor in the time I had been alone, and I had forgotten how it felt to genuinely laugh at a joke, and they helped me remember all of that. Really, I don't know who I would be if I had never found them.

It's been seven years since then, and things are different now. I've gotten hurt by the people I got close to, and I have watch the people I've held dear to me disappear. (I could go into that, but I don't want to.) The point is, I don't feel that same amount of happiness by interacting with people anymore, like I did when I was 15. Even with my boyfriend now, who has cared about me more than anyone else I've met, I find it hard to feel the same amount of happiness with him as I did with others when I was a teen. It makes me sad, because it makes me feel like I don't truly love him even though I want to. I feel like I've numbed myself out and I'm not present in life, to defend myself from getting hurt by the world. And I can't stop it, not even around him. 

I guess the reason why I'm posting here is because I think this problem all started with being alone in middle school. I think I had these unrealistic, naive expectations of people when I was 15 because back then, I thought people were everything. And being alone was the worst thing and it would get me bullied. I feel like maybe someone here might have a similar experience to me with this, but I don't know. Has anyone else experienced something similar to this?
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#2
(01-30-2018, 06:51 AM)Nabbit Wrote: I'm someone who has gotten hurt a lot by people. 

Some of the pain was caused by mistakes I made, some of it was caused by others. Either way, the pain has numbed me out. I go into social situations with people and I feel like I'm not really there, and I have a hard time enjoying people because of it.

I remember when things weren't like this. When social interaction was a magical thing, and it made me feel happier than I could ever imagine. I was 15, coming out of a long, long era of talking to no one, and still fearing everyone because of the harsh bullying I had to ignore at school. I found people online that I could be myself around, and interacting with those people was one of the best times of my life. I had forgotten my sense of humor in the time I had been alone, and I had forgotten how it felt to genuinely laugh at a joke, and they helped me remember all of that. Really, I don't know who I would be if I had never found them.

It's been seven years since then, and things are different now. I've gotten hurt by the people I got close to, and I have watch the people I've held dear to me disappear. (I could go into that, but I don't want to.) The point is, I don't feel that same amount of happiness by interacting with people anymore, like I did when I was 15. Even with my boyfriend now, who has cared about me more than anyone else I've met, I find it hard to feel the same amount of happiness with him as I did with others when I was a teen. It makes me sad, because it makes me feel like I don't truly love him even though I want to. I feel like I've numbed myself out and I'm not present in life, to defend myself from getting hurt by the world. And I can't stop it, not even around him. 

I guess the reason why I'm posting here is because I think this problem all started with being alone in middle school. I think I had these unrealistic, naive expectations of people when I was 15 because back then, I thought people were everything. And being alone was the worst thing and it would get me bullied. I feel like maybe someone here might have a similar experience to me with this, but I don't know. Has anyone else experienced something similar to this?

I think that it depends a lot on how you see the world. I experience from times to times almost a hermit condition when i don't speak to anyone beside my coworkers for days and i suffer a lot, but then i try to love everyone. There is this mental trick that i'm impelementing. When i talk to someone i always think that i love him, that he or she is a beautifull person, that if he is angry there must be a reason. In this way i find way easier to enjoy conversations. But i'm a very emotional person, i don't know if this can apply to everyone. 

I get bulied too back in shool, always alone. But the bad thing that i learned is that people are actually everything. Life doesn't have any sense without someone who cares about you. I still dont have a single person who actually cares about me but there is still hope :Big Grin somehow i managed to exit a critical situation completely alone. Two of my best friends haveleft me just because they have found a girlfriend....LOL Is sad to think about this things but they are also a life changing experiences
All your anger and your hurt
Doesn't matter in the end
Those days go by
[Image: A174F39B7DCA2014B226A9BC389A1C1689869A07]
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#3
I've been bullied.
I've also done a lot worse than bullying, afterwards.
For a long time, I wasn't that different from yourself. Lot easier to retreat in a shell and pretend the world can't hurt us. It's neat, it's safe, yes it makes us feel miserable, but we can't get hurt.
I guess sometimes I still am, too. Don't really trust people. I can be the life of the party but with anyone other than family or close friends, I'm reserved and don't talk much. Don't trust people enough. Pretty sure I'm correct, 99% of the time.

Problem is that little 1%. Because that little 1% genuinely enjoys company, friendships and wants to find others who believe in the same. They're the reasons we stick our necks out there in the first place. When we do find them, too, they'll return the favor. And, sometimes, literally, change our lives.

Sometimes, especially these days, I don't just feel numb; I feel dead. Like a robot, or a zombie. It's certain people, special people, keeping me up. Keeping me walking and talking. Some are family, but those who gives themselves are more than that. They're blood-brothers and sisters. They're the ones who make the pain worthwhile.
So my suggestion is to keep looking until you find them. Odds are you'll be hurt again. Or hurt again. But they're the ones who make it worthwhile.
People have a tendency to look at "people", as an ensemble. People forget (see what I did there? ;-) ) that "people" are made of individuals. It's those individuals that shine. The occasional light in the darkness. They're the ones worth looking for. So look for them.
Remember that your boyfriend isn't "people". He's your boyfriend. There will never be 2 like him, no matter how hard you look. Makes him unique. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel, if that's the nature of your relationship, ask him how he can help you feel different. Maybe he has ideas of his own.
Point is, don't look at people.
Find individuals. They're out there. Try not to dwell on the negative too much.

Hope it helps, mamzelle.
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#4
I know life can be really hard sometimes, especially for sensitive people. I think you're doing awesome by being aware of how you feel, and talking about all those emotions. I know for me after I went through some trauma, I felt disconnected and dissociated. Talking with a therapist and my pastor really helped me work through some of the after effects of what I'd been through and helped me feel more connected and less depressed. Now I have way more good days than bad and I can work through a lot of issues better. There is hope, you're not alone! Keep up the good work you're doing Smile 
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#5
I can really relate to your situation. My best friend was actually the biggest bully in the school and she turned on me a lot. I learned how to guard myself, but still be around people. I actually started to like walking alone in the halls while they pathetically glared at me and talked sh*t from their lockers. It saw it as... I had your attention without even trying. I didn't mind eating alone... the fact it didn't bother me made me feel empowered.

After years later, I learned that I put myself in a guarded state. I'm not in emotional pain.. but I sorta mess myself up when meeting new people because I dont give them a chance to build rapport. Not on purpose.. and this is something I need to stop doing.

Fact is EVERYONE is going to disappoint you. EVERYONE is going to poorly speak about you at some point. EVERYONE is going to be disappointed by you and if you realize it or not youve probably spoke or thought bad thoughts of people you really do like.

I saw @Richard_39's comment on 1% of people worth knowing.. and I dont really agree. I will agree 99% of people are bland (at least till they open up)... but that doesn't mean they aren't worth knowing.

I think you need to learn to trust yourself. Trust that you can handle emotional pain. Trust that you are worthy even if someones actions doesn't really show that they think so. Trust that you can make it through any situation. This trust in people really needs to be a trust in yourself.
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