i'm so lonely i want to die

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soccer7

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hi everyone, 
i'm just going through the roughest week, i feel so alone, depressed and have a broken heart and no one to talk to or help me through.

my auntie was one of the only person i used to confide in, but she was insensitive to me the other time, which made me recall more times she was insensitive and always had to be right, so i decided not to talk to her anymore and she hasn't called or message me or anything as well, she probably doesn't even care. So i've been a bit lonely ever since. 

me and my crush at work has been getting more and more distant towards each other, today i was working with her and decided to just swallow my pride and be a really good friend to her by trying to talk to her and just be overall pleasant, but she was busy and didn't want to talk, then she left her shift only 2 hours after i started mine, then i figured out what had happened, she has changed her shift to start in the morning and finish in the evening. This has been going on for 3 week now and it finally dawned on me. i just feel like she has changed her shift to avoid me, we were on our way to breaking up even as friends afterall. When she left i felt my heart broke into a thousand pieces, here i was trying to be nice and friendly making all the initiative to talk to her and stuff and she seems cold, then she just walked out. 

i have decided i will continue to try to be nice to her for this week, i will probably look like desperate, trying to get her attention and talking to her but i will continue to swallow my pride making my last ditch effort to try to be good friends with her again before finally just giving up on her. There is so much pain i seriously can't sleep right now.
After everything's that happened, being the good guy helping my auntie with everything, she just doesn't seem to give a honeysuckle about me anymore, and now my crush who i used to look forward to going to work with seems to also be walking away from me too. The decision on what to do will come down to the last 2 days that i'm giving her a change. after Sunday its all over, if she continues to be cold to me i'm just gonna ignore her and be cold back. btw my crush knows that i like her, i asked her out once, she said no and despite that we got over the awkwardness and everything is cool again, but now its just so cold.

sorry for the long post, i'm just so lonely and depressed right now.
 
I don't know what you mean your auntie was insensitive... So I'm skipping that part. What makes you think the shift change had anything to do with you? Even if I were uncomfortable working with someone... I wouldn't screw up my schedule just to avoid them. Do you think maybe you're reading too much into it?
 
kaetic said:
I don't know what you mean your auntie was insensitive... So I'm skipping that part. What makes you think the shift change had anything to do with you? Even if I were uncomfortable working with someone... I wouldn't screw up my schedule just to avoid them. Do you think maybe you're reading too much into it?

my auntie accidentally contributed to losing my favorite bracelet, she said sorry but then went about it like it was no big deal, i try hint to her that it was an expensive bracelet and i'm sure she heard me but she didn't even say anything and just went about her business, i thought to myself at least she could have offered to replace it for me or something. So i thought that was insensitive of her. Anyways my anger towards her is not just from that moment but from many moments put together and i just kinda had enough i guess. Anyways its not a big deal anymore, i don't really care, i only mentioned it to explain why i feel so lonely, sorry for whining lol.

about the shift changes, yes i think your right, the reason is because in my most lowest vulnerable moments i tend to overthink and over read into things, compounding the problem. Its an area that i need to improve on. Even when i was feeling broken and stuff, my logical side was pointing out to me "dude, your doing it again, stop overthinking it, this is just your assumption, until there is hard proof evidence you can't just create a story you want to believe in and beat yourself up with it." I can see what i was doing to myself but in my moment of weakness i couldn't stop it.

Anyways I wrote all that stuff yesterday as a way to vent out all my frustration and anger that I've been building up from all those times. I'm just glad somebody cared enough to read my story and understands my problem. Thanks a lot for your reply kaetic, i'm a lot better now.
 
I'm glad you feel better. I tend to overthink some things too when I get upset. ☺️
 
soccer7 said:
hi everyone, 
i'm just going through the roughest week, i feel so alone, depressed and have a broken heart and no one to talk to or help me through.

my auntie was one of the only person i used to confide in, but she was insensitive to me the other time, which made me recall more times she was insensitive and always had to be right, so i decided not to talk to her anymore and she hasn't called or message me or anything as well, she probably doesn't even care. So i've been a bit lonely ever since. 

me and my crush at work has been getting more and more distant towards each other, today i was working with her and decided to just swallow my pride and be a really good friend to her by trying to talk to her and just be overall pleasant, but she was busy and didn't want to talk, then she left her shift only 2 hours after i started mine, then i figured out what had happened, she has changed her shift to start in the morning and finish in the evening. This has been going on for 3 week now and it finally dawned on me. i just feel like she has changed her shift to avoid me, we were on our way to breaking up even as friends afterall. When she left i felt my heart broke into a thousand pieces, here i was trying to be nice and friendly making all the initiative to talk to her and stuff and she seems cold, then she just walked out. 

i have decided i will continue to try to be nice to her for this week, i will probably look like desperate, trying to get her attention and talking to her but i will continue to swallow my pride making my last ditch effort to try to be good friends with her again before finally just giving up on her. There is so much pain i seriously can't sleep right now.
After everything's that happened, being the good guy helping my auntie with everything, she just doesn't seem to give a honeysuckle about me anymore, and now my crush who i used to look forward to going to work with seems to also be walking away from me too. The decision on what to do will come down to the last 2 days that i'm giving her a change. after Sunday its all over, if she continues to be cold to me i'm just gonna ignore her and be cold back. btw my crush knows that i like her, i asked her out once, she said no and despite that we got over the awkwardness and everything is cool again, but now its just so cold.

sorry for the long post, i'm just so lonely and depressed right now.
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. I would suggest branching out and meeting new people. There are plenty of great people who could be friends if you just reach out.
 
NHope said:
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. I would suggest branching out and meeting new people. There are plenty of great people who could be friends if you just reach out.

Thanks NHope, that's my plan :D

constant stranger said:
I hope things are going a bit smoother for you soccer7.

And NHope.....you're new here eh?  Welcome aboard!

Things are a lot better now thanks, i don't really care if she changes her shift or leaves the workplace entirely. Its over and i have found better things to focus on. Thanks for you reply.
 

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