my family

i still live at home with people who are supposed to be my family. its such a big family(7 kids and 2 parents) but i feel so lonely and out of place. im the oldest and my younger siblings for some reason dont talk to me at all. my mother isnt different. she only talks to me if she's talking down to me or to give me orders- and im 20 now, not 14!!. and dad works full time and is never at home.

the worst the relationship i have with my sister- she's 16. and im 20. she never shows me any respect and she insists on turning all my other siblings against me. we cant be in the same room with a cat fight starting. im not too sure if i hate her because, really shes still my sister. i forgive her alot. but alot of times she makes me so angry i just want to kill her. its been like this between her and i for a long time as well. like 3 years. i have no idea why she hates me. but i cant take it anymore. things are so unconfortable that i cant talk to her and she cant even look me in the face or eyes anymore.

also i suffer from costochondritis and generalized anxiety. and its not easy living with them with these health conditions. i really feel trapped and lonely. sometimes i cant believe im related to them. two of the eldest kids(who also happen to be younger than me) rarely talk to me anymore either. we actually used to be close back when we were in high school. and i have no idea whats happened in my family. but i cant take it anymore! its making me sick, lonely and very angry. im feeling alot of rage and anger at home. i just wanna move out and never come back. but my mother doesnt approve of young single unmarried women living on their own.

help, please.

Hi there jaded and welcome here

Well I never got on with my sister and still do not really. We do love each other but we never get on. So i know how much your sister can hurt you when you fall out. thing is your 20 years old ye. In a few years you may not be living together and if you then fall out it well be a lot harder to get to the speaking stage again. So if you think she is basically a good person and you would like to keep in contact with her now is the time to make sure you try and fined some ground where you both can get on. If you can or even want to. Sometimes, only sometimes it best that you stay out the way of one another.

As for your mum thinking is not appropriate for you to live on your own. Well-I was 20 when I moved out. Am a guy BTW. But even so. Your 20. If you wont to move out then do it. Your mum should not be able to stop you at 20. It is normal when you get to a certain age that you would wont your own space. most ppl can not afford to move out now days on there own. But if you feel that you would be happier with your own place then what's stopping you? And if your mum says I don't think this its appropriate. just say well that's your opinion and I hope if am not happy then I can come back. Also if you did have some space away from your sister then maybe you would get on better.

hey thanks! =]

and yes i noticed when we're apart for quite a bit, we're not at each others throats as much. what hurts the most is that there was a time ago we shared alot together, loved one another's company and it was all mutual. im afraid things will never be that way again. i really miss the old days in terms of my family and i. im not sure if i hurt her in some way i wasnt aware of ....and that to this day she holds a grudge or something.


i think i should move out. i would be much happier. because im starting to believe i developed anxiety and this rib cage cartilage inflammation from my emotional stress at home.

Well your sister is at an age when she is trying to fined her self I Guss as well. pluss your at an age where your wanting your own space.
OK you may have done things to hurt her in the past and her you. But its just what siblings do. If you never hurt one another you would not be normal.

I think if you did move out then you could very well fined your sister supporting you. My sister Burt me somethings like cooking stuff and that when I moved out It can be a scary thing moving out on your own. For me it made me a stronger person cos of it.

Hi

Well I'm the second of three siblings. I have an older brother(25yrs) and a younger sister(18yrs), so I can kinda relate to your problem in a lot of ways. I'm 22 right now and live with my parents, my brother and sister. We normally get along just fine. But we really don't spend too much time with each other. I used to share the room with my brother, well he being older had some kind of authority over me, but we always made decisions together so that both could be fine. Sometimes i just had to give in and do what he said, because I realized that sometimes the problems that came over fighting were even worst. Like 4 years ago he finally moved to another room... man it was like heaven to me, It is so good to be able to have a space just for you, do the stuff the way like it. I move the furnish almost every week lol trying to find the perfect spot for my stuff. Lol I ended up talking about me and I didn't talked about your problem... but well now that you know my story you will be able to figure why i feel this way about my family.

I think that the real solution to your problem is to move out but I know is not easy at all and that there are probably other details that stop you from moving than what you said. So I want to try and share the things that make problems between me and my family.

I really try to stay as far as I can from brothers, I do this because I have a problem spending too much time with the same people. Sometimes I get mad at my brother because my parents always use him like an example of how i should do things and even if he is wrong he keeps convincing my parents that he did well and telling them I should do the same. Maybe you sister feels this way, that you have grown to be an "adult" and are on your parents side even if you do it for the best.

With my sister I don't have too many problems, well sometimes she is sensible about little things that I don't even know. One time I told her something and she just left my room without saying a word. The whole week she was a pain to me, and when I asked why she was like that to me, she told me she was still mad because of the thing a week ago! I didn't even remembered saying something to her. So if you say your sister started to be like that not long ago then maybe you can think of an event that might have triggered that kind of behavior and is now affecting the way your sister feels about you.

Get a roommate then move out. What your mother does and does not approve of can't run your life once you are independent.

I had serious problems at home I moved out when I was 19, our relationship is a little better now that we have our own space.

((((((((((xxjadedxx)))))))))))))))
Have you been able to sit down and tell them how you feel? I wonder if they realize how miserable you are? With seven kids, it's probabley easy to get lost and unoticed in the crowd. I hope things work out for you. Im always here if you need someone to talk to.

- unfortunately i can't sit down with them and talk to them about how i feel. they dont seem to love me the same way they love the second oldest child (who is also younger than me by about a year). they treat her like shes the oldest and not me and it kills me inside because im the oldest child not her. this makes me soo angry. =[ i dont know what happen over the years. =[ its like i lost touch with all my siblings or something and my terrible relationship with my 16 yr old sister isnt helping. it seems they always take her side.