Should I pursue a relationship?

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MiguelMS

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Hi, there is this girl in my class that I would be open to date (she seems to like me) but I am not sure if it is a good idea:

1)I think she is cute but I am not extremely attracted to her, sexually. I can picture myself cuddling with her and spending time together but is not like I am crazy to sleep with her. 2) If something goes wrong I would have to deal with the awkwardness for 3 years (we are in college). 3) I don´t want to have a relationship of 3 years.

I have posted a thread a month ago about my concerns with casual sex. In case you haven´t read it, basically what I really want is that, just sex or "fuckbuddies" with different women because I have fear of missing out. Then why don´t just pursue casual sex instead of a relationship with this girl? Because it would take a while for me to have that lifestyle. I need to become more social, learn to flirt,... while I improve my overall looks. I have made progress during this month but like I said, this is going to take a while. On top of that I am very busy with my studies. Then why not stay the way you are right now? Because I am getting lonely... I am so burn out about everything, I don´t know what to do or why I feel this way.
Any thoughts?
 
1. I doubt she thinks you're exactly Brad Pitt mate.
2. That could happen, but if you explain to her that you just want casual sex and don't ever lead her on to think there is a possibility for anything else to happen. I don't see a problem with it.
3. Again if you tell her this and she's fine with that, brilliant. But in my opinion I'd say don't. Get Tinder or something if you don't want anything serious as a lot of people on there will honestly admit that. A girl in your college could really make your life hell if something goes wrong. So I'd definitely steer clear... but that's my opinion..

Anyway, good luck!  :D
 
LifePath1 said:
1. I doubt she thinks you're exactly Brad Pitt mate.
2. That could happen, but if you explain to her that you just want casual sex and don't ever lead her on to think there is a possibility for anything else to happen. I don't see a problem with it.
3. Again if you tell her this and she's fine with that, brilliant. But in my opinion I'd say don't. Get Tinder or something if you don't want anything serious as a lot of people on there will honestly admit that. A girl in your college could really make your life hell if something goes wrong. So I'd definitely steer clear... but that's my opinion..

Anyway, good luck!  :D

"1. I doubt she thinks you're exactly Brad Pitt mate."
1-Didn´t claim she thinks so, I just claim she likes me. Do you doubt that too?
2-Why do you doubt "I am Brad Pitt"? you don´t have any idea how I look.
3-Can I have an honest and respectful discussion online without rude remarks, please? I that too much to ask?
4-Did I offend you somehow? Why the hostility then?
5- I have actually received quite a few compliments on my looks by both female and male classmates (classmates, not friends, mind you) and the girl in question checks me out from time to time (in addition to other indications of interest). But I am sure you doubt all of it, right? Too foreign to you, mate?
6- And lastly, even If that were the case, what is your point exactly? Completely irrelevant
There you go, "mate". Now you have something to think about, for a change. Do not hurt your little brain in the proccess. :D
 
Sounds to me like you just want to use her to get ahead in your plan to fresia as many women as possible.
I think you should just forget this immature plan of yours to fresia everything with tits and just try to be a decent human being (never said you weren't now, so don't come after me like you did lifepath) in an actual relationship. But hey, it's your life.
 
MiguelMS said:
LifePath1 said:
1. I doubt she thinks you're exactly Brad Pitt mate.
2. That could happen, but if you explain to her that you just want casual sex and don't ever lead her on to think there is a possibility for anything else to happen. I don't see a problem with it.
3. Again if you tell her this and she's fine with that, brilliant. But in my opinion I'd say don't. Get Tinder or something if you don't want anything serious as a lot of people on there will honestly admit that. A girl in your college could really make your life hell if something goes wrong. So I'd definitely steer clear... but that's my opinion..

Anyway, good luck!  :D

"1. I doubt she thinks you're exactly Brad Pitt mate."
1-Didn´t claim she thinks so, I just claim she likes me. Do you doubt that too?
2-Why do you doubt "I am Brad Pitt"? you don´t have any idea how I look.
3-Can I have an honest and respectful discussion online without rude remarks, please? I that too much to ask?
4-Did I offend you somehow? Why the hostility then?
5- I have actually received quite a few compliments on my looks by both female and male classmates (classmates, not friends, mind you) and the girl in question checks me out from time to time (in addition to other indications of interest). But I am sure you doubt all of it, right? Too foreign to you, mate?
6- And lastly, even If that were the case, what is your point exactly? Completely irrelevant
There you go, "mate". Now you have something to think about, for a change. Do not hurt your little brain in the proccess. :D

Oh I'm sorry, what was I thinking? You're god's gift to women! How is your modelling career going? I was trying to put things into perspective for you, So what if she's not a perfect 10? I can see how insecure you are just by that reply.. What was a rude remark? Telling you you're not Brad Pitt? Hehe mate what can I say? You're lucky you're so irresistible to women, otherwise you might have to work on your personality.... Imagine that girl was your sister, would you want someone thinking "I can use her to test myself and improve my flirting, then I'll ditch her for someone better" that's basically the summary of your question. "Should I use this girl to feel better about myself" Ha, please! The only thing you've made me think about is no wonder so many women don't trust men. What a joke.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Sounds to me like you just want to use her to get ahead in your plan to fresia as many women as possible.
I think you should just forget this immature plan of yours to fresia everything with tits and just try to be a decent human being (never said you weren't now, so don't come after me like you did lifepath) in an actual relationship.  But hey, it's your life.

"I think you should just forget this immature plan of yours to fresia everything with tits and just try to be a decent human being"

Why is inmature to have sex with different women regularly? Honest question. Can you think for a second that I might  have an innate tendency towards promiscuity? Ok you don´t like it, fair enough. I don´t try to force my lifestyle on anyone, ok. You seem to think I see sex as a pornographic act or something. Let me tell you a personal thing. I hate porn. I am interested in passionate and INTIMATE sex. I am interested in non ejaculatory sex and karezza for fresia shake. I don´t try to "fresia" everything with tits. I try to have intimate sexual experiences with different women because that´s what I like. Maybe you are assuming I am like other men, that is not the case.

I understand now that would be not fair for her at all, now I see it. My vision was clouded by my loneliness. The last thing I want is to hurt her. 

Do you still think my sexual desires are inmature or that I just want to fresia everythhing with tits?


TheRealCallie said:
Sounds to me like you just want to use her to get ahead in your plan to fresia as many women as possible.
I think you should just forget this immature plan of yours to fresia everything with tits and just try to be a decent human being (never said you weren't now, so don't come after me like you did lifepath) in an actual relationship.  But hey, it's your life.
Also, would you say the same thing to a women?


TheRealCallie said:
Sounds to me like you just want to use her to get ahead in your plan to fresia as many women as possible.
I think you should just forget this immature plan of yours to fresia everything with tits and just try to be a decent human being (never said you weren't now, so don't come after me like you did lifepath) in an actual relationship.  But hey, it's your life.
Also, would you say the same thing to a women? Think about it.
Maybe I want to take advantage of my youth and later on in life focus on building lasting relatiioships. Or experiment or whatever. If I girl just wants to have sex everyone says "you go girl, more power to you" which is great but if a man says it is inmature and just wants to fresia everything that moves?
 
TheRealCallie said:
Sounds to me like you just want to use her to get ahead in your plan to fresia as many women as possible.
I think you should just forget this immature plan of yours to fresia everything with tits and just try to be a decent human being (never said you weren't now, so don't come after me like you did lifepath) in an actual relationship.  But hey, it's your life.

"I think you should just forget this immature plan of yours to fresia everything with tits and just try to be a decent human being (never said you weren't now, so don't come after me like you did lifepath) in an actual relationship"

Or maybe I should cut my penis now because ...reasons. Are you going to provide any arguments for why I am a disgusting pig for wanting sex? I am a dsgusting inmature monster for wanting to spend the night with a woman that I like, maybe I should just kill myself don´t you think? You think the world would be better without my inmature and disgusting sexual needs, right? Do you want to kill myself, uh?


TheRealCallie said:
Lol, don't even try to make this a gender thing.  Yes, I would say that to women....and I have. :rolleyes:

So that is the only little irrelevant detail you are going to address?
 
Wow, where the hell did you get all that out of what I wrote?

I changed my mind. I think you should forget having sex with anything with tits and maybe work on your issues....
 
TheRealCallie said:
Wow, where the hell did you get all that out of what I wrote?  

I changed my mind.  I think you should forget having sex with anything with tits and maybe work on your issues....

Can you stop calling "sex with anything with tits" please? It´s abhorrent. It would be nice too if you actually adressed something relevant of what I wrote.


What do you think ofthis that I wrote a few minutes ago in another thread?

Is it wrong in and of itself to approach a girl without wanting to date her seriously but rather forming a casual sexual/romantic relationship? Taking into account the approach is done correctly (maybe awkward but not creepy, respecting the other person, backing off at the first negative sign,...). Notice that the guy wants something casual BUT he actually cares about the other person, is not a psychopath willing to do whatever it takes to get what he wants.
For example: -Hi, excuse me. My name is ... I just notice your presence and I would like to tell you that you are really attractive, do you mind if we chat for a bit?.
Or maybe starting with a casual conversation and then asking for her phone number. When the topic of "what are you looking for" comes in he tells her he just wants to have fun, is not interested in anything serious. He obviously back off at any stage of the proccess if he notices any negative sign.
I ask you this because I really want to give it a try with the women that I found in social settings and even in my day to day life ONLY IF I am really sure they seem receptive to chat with a stranger. I had a few opportunities of doing this but didn´t have the courage. Do you think I should go for it (in the way described above)? I know most will reject me, I know it might be awkward from time to time... my question is: Do I "deserve", let´s say, to try it? Should I feel bad about it? I feel kind of afraid before approaching, is it because is simply intimidating or is it becasue is morally wrong? You have no idea how much pressure the man has is this situation, mainly because the masculine sexuality/energy is and has been demonized since the dawn of man. Like is wrong to pursue what a man wants sexually, to express himself, show interest... I understand there might be awkward moments and a lot of women simply don´t look for just sex or to be approached. I get that but if all is done correctly with honesty and respect Why do I have to feel bad about what I want? I am not hurting anyone, why do I have to deny and suppress who I am (sexually or otherwise)? I would appreciate to feel my needs and wants validated so I can unchain myself from this inhumane social conditioning. It´s such a crime that the male impetus has been supressed for so long, so much power and energy wasted. Obviously such energy must be channeled otherwise it migth become tyrannic but the solution is in any way, shape or form to suppressed it.
 
I have a very personal and very forward question to ask you, Miguel; have you ever dated someone before and are you a virgin?
I feel you have several preconceived notions of dating and sexuality, that strike me as comming from someone who doesn't have much experience.
In which case, the only thing I can tell you is; experience. As in GO and experience.
Need I remind you, though, that you should be careful; beyond matters of sexuality lies matters of heart. More often than not, those are linked. If you wish to be forward, be forward, but keep in mind ideas we have in our minds versus what actually happens is seldom the same.
Careful not to break someone's heart.
 
MiguelMS said:
TheRealCallie said:
Wow, where the hell did you get all that out of what I wrote?  

I changed my mind.  I think you should forget having sex with anything with tits and maybe work on your issues....

Can you stop calling "sex with anything with tits" please? It´s abhorrent. It would be nice too if you actually adressed something relevant of what I wrote.


What do you think ofthis that I wrote a few minutes ago in another thread?

Is it wrong in and of itself to approach a girl without wanting to date her seriously but rather forming a casual sexual/romantic relationship? Taking into account the approach is done correctly (maybe awkward but not creepy, respecting the other person, backing off at the first negative sign,...). Notice that the guy wants something casual BUT he actually cares about the other person, is not a psychopath willing to do whatever it takes to get what he wants.
For example: -Hi, excuse me. My name is ... I just notice your presence and I would like to tell you that you are really attractive, do you mind if we chat for a bit?.
Or maybe starting with a casual conversation and then asking for her phone number. When the topic of "what are you looking for" comes in he tells her he just wants to have fun, is not interested in anything serious. He obviously back off at any stage of the proccess if he notices any negative sign.
I ask you this because I really want  to give it a try with the women that I found in social settings and even in my day to day life ONLY IF I am really sure they seem receptive to chat with a stranger. I had a few opportunities of doing this but didn´t have the courage. Do you think I should go for it (in the way described above)? I know most will reject me, I know it might be awkward from time to time... my question is: Do I "deserve", let´s say, to try it? Should I feel bad about it? I feel kind of afraid before approaching, is it because is simply intimidating or is it becasue is morally wrong? You have no idea how much pressure the man has is this situation, mainly because the masculine sexuality/energy is and has been demonized since the dawn of man. Like is wrong to pursue what a man wants sexually, to express himself, show interest... I understand there might be awkward moments and a lot of women simply don´t look for just sex or to be approached. I get that but if all is done correctly with honesty and respect Why do I have to feel bad about what I want? I am not hurting anyone, why do I have to deny and suppress who I am (sexually or otherwise)? I would appreciate to feel my needs and wants validated so I can unchain myself from this inhumane social conditioning. It´s such a crime that the male impetus has been supressed for so long, so much power and energy wasted. Obviously such energy must be channeled otherwise it migth become tyrannic but the solution is in any way, shape or form to suppressed it.


Don't try and drag all men into this
 
Richard_39 said:
I have a very personal and very forward question to ask you, Miguel; have you ever dated someone before and are you a virgin?
I feel you have several preconceived notions of dating and sexuality, that strike me as comming from someone who doesn't have much experience.
In which case, the only thing I can tell you is; experience. As in GO and experience.
Need I remind you, though, that you should be careful; beyond matters of sexuality lies matters of heart. More often than not, those are linked. If you wish to be forward, be forward, but keep in mind ideas we have in our minds versus what actually happens is seldom the same.
Careful not to break someone's heart.

No I have never dated anyone but I am not a virgin. I made out with girls in the past, I don´t know the exact number but around 10 (in nightclubs) and had sex with a few escorts. My only problem is and was that I am naturally and genuinely very very very introverted, and reserved. Now I am pushing myself to be more outgoing, and talkative. 

One of the girls that I made out with was my crush (I was 15), the next day I asked her out but she rejected me. That was my only real attempt at actually pursuing a girl. I have always being kind of solitary (which is what I like). Unfortunately this has a cost. When I started geting interested in girls at 14 I was already at a huge disadvantage because I wasn´t very experienced interacting with others (not because any traumatic event or neglected childhood, I honestly think I am or at least was just like that). From 16 to 19 I didn´t have a clue what to say, I mean I just didn´t have anything to say. Now at 20 I am MUCH better. I have friends , females and males, I am more open but I still have to improve. But I have always wanted to be with a lot of women. It´s true though that I have a fear of missing out with regards to sex. There are a lot of people where I live who don´t have serious relationships. they have a list of people they can call to have sex, maybe is disgusting for some f you but nnot for me. I want to be part of that.
 
MiguelMS said:
No I have never dated anyone but I am not a virgin. I made out with girls in the past, I don´t know the exact number but around 10 (in nightclubs) and had sex with a few escorts. My only problem is and was that I am naturally and genuinely very very very introverted, and reserved. Now I am pushing myself to be more outgoing, and talkative. 

One of the girls that I made out with was my crush (I was 15), the next day I asked her out but she rejected me. That was my only real attempt at actually pursuing a girl. I have always being kind of solitary (which is what I like). Unfortunately this has a cost. When I started geting interested in girls at 14 I was already at a huge disadvantage because I wasn´t very experienced interacting with others (not because any traumatic event or neglected childhood, I honestly think I am or at least was just like that). From 16 to 19 I didn´t have a clue what to say, I mean I just didn´t have anything to say. Now at 20 I am MUCH better. I have friends , females and males, I am more open but I still have to improve. But I have always wanted to be with a lot of women. It´s true though that I have a fear of missing out with regards to sex. There are a lot of people where I live who don´t have serious relationships. they have a list of people they can call to have sex, maybe is disgusting for some f you but nnot for me. I want to be part of that.


Have you ever ONLY have sex with an escort or have you been with someone in a different context than being paid to be there?
As I said, in theory that might be as you feel, I personally don't think it's particularly "out there", some people do live quite comfortably with being that way. As far as I'm concerned, it's not for anyone to judge. It's not "disgusting", either. To some it might be, not to me. It's a choice.
However, once you get out of the "paid for sex" context, things become much different when emotionality is involved. You will find that even if women tell you they are quite alright with a one night fling, that's not necessarily the case. Also, the same might be true of YOURSELF. When emotions get involved, it becomes a different ballgame and yourself, or herself, might become emotionally involved, or only one of the two parties can.
As I said, that comes with experience. The advice I can give you is to be very very careful. One night stands without broken pots are much more difficult to actually accomplish than one thinks, unless you become an uncaring kind of person. Which I gather is not what you wish to become.

Might I remind you, though, that those who do have "little black books" are not NECESSARILY the kind of people others are usually very interested in having profound relationships with. The "reputation" that ends up coming to one who does is something that can be hard to shake off if you eventually look for a long term, meaningful relationship, 5 years down the line...
As you can see from the comments, this is a very polarising topic. Several women have responded to you in a way you may very well get responded to in real life, as well, no matter how you present this. When emotions become involved, it becomes a different game than on paper.
So that is my advice, be very very careful on how you proceed. You do not want to break hearts, or break yours in the process, or become involved in a dramatic story if someone is not on the same wavelenght as you are and agrees with what you propose, but ends up wanting something more. You'll also have to assume the consequences of the lifestyle you choose, because in 20 years, you won't be able to go back. That's your decision.

I'll freely admit I don't personally understand the "missing out on sex" part. I've been with several partners, but I'd honestly trade it for being with the same one for 60+ years. But out of experience, I know that what we have in our minds and what happens can be two very different things. So be cautious.
 
Of course you don't understand, you answered yourself. I say OP should do whatever he wants and for starters don't ask in this forum. People only will tell him what they would do in his position but based on their own morals. If no one has the same age (especially older) I say don't advice him because you come from a totally different era and you can do a lot of harm applying dead principles. Just take care of STD and don't do for a girl what she wouldn't do for you. Have fun and DON'T MISS OUT.
 
Xpendable said:
Of course you don't understand, you answered yourself. I say OP should do whatever he wants and for starters don't ask in this forum. People only will tell him what they would do in his position but based on their own morals. If no one has the same age (especially older) I say don't advice him because you come from a totally different era and you can do a lot of harm applying dead principles. Just take care of STD and don't do for a girl what she wouldn't do for you. Have fun and DON'T MISS OUT.

That's ridiculous.
We ONLY can answer for ourselves, based on our own views and experienced. That's all any of us can every do. Just in the same way you can only advice him based on YOUR age, YOUR experiences.
I told him what I thought and it's a take it or leave it. He has a choice to consider my advice as wise or as utter and extrême bullshit. That's all anyone can ever hope for.
"totally different era"
That's mildly insulting. I'm 38. Not 204. For the record, my "era" had it's share of sexual liberation.And is pretty much your era.
I HAD the experiences he's thinking of having. Which is why I reserve the right to share whatever advice I see fit. You think it's dumb, just close your eyes, man. He DID ask this forums. That means he wants to know what people think. If he doesn't, he'll say so too. Having had several different partners since I was 14, I have come to the conclusion that quantity didn't matter as much as quality. That's the experience I'm sharing with the man. It's up to him to make his own choices on it.
 
He was going to do what he wanted from the beginning anyway. People here will also say everyone's experiences are different, so it's useless to expect an advice works twice in the exact same way.
 
Xpendable said:
He was going to do what he wanted from the beginning anyway. People here will also say everyone's experiences are different, so it's useless to expect an advice works twice in the exact same way.

True. That doesn't mean he might not find what he seeks, reflect on it, approach it differently or change his mind. That's for him to say, not us.
Any of us can only offer, he has the final consideration on wether it's advice he wants to hear or not.

My advice was that sex is often tangled with feelings. It gets murky. If he wants plain and simple, that can get complicated unless you're VERY very careful. I know that, I've done that and it didn't stay plain and simple. It got complicated and messy. Because people have feelings and aren't necessarily open with them. He needs to be aware of this as well.
I didn't say "don't do it", that's his choice.
 
You have twice his age, in that time those feelings have become weaker. People have become more shallow and priorities have changed. I don't want another person struggling with understanding how relationships work because he listens to people instead of evaluating what they do. People will tell you what they have been trained to say, what doesn't make them look bad, but in the end, they are all victims of their lies. He should definitely choose to do the opposite of what moralists tell him to do.
 

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