House wife happily married thinking

Might I point out that the OP mentioned she is FAITHFUL to her husband. That, in itself, kind of implies that there is no open marriage or thoughts about there being one.
But I'm sorry, what does bi, gay, straight, or anything else have anything to do with this? So she likes girls, as well as men, that makes no difference in a relationship. She chose to get married to a guy, one that I would assume she loves. She obviously had her reasons, so that's neither here or there whether she likes another gender. That would be no different than saying a heterosexual should be free to have sex with other heterosexual people.

TheRealCallie said:

Might I point out that the OP mentioned she is FAITHFUL to her husband.  That, in itself, kind of implies that there is no open marriage or thoughts about there being one.
But I'm sorry, what does bi, gay, straight, or anything else have anything to do with this?  So she likes girls, as well as men, that makes no difference in a relationship.  She chose to get married to a guy, one that I would assume she loves.  She obviously had her reasons, so that's neither here or there whether she likes another gender.  That would be no different than saying a heterosexual should be free to have sex with other heterosexual people.

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Agreed. However I'm curious; the first sentence you wrote...is she?

"a friend of mine approached me with a situation, had me thinking."
In a marriage, isn't it a form of infidelity to begin with? I personally know that I'd feel like it if I was in her place. I'd feel thinking about fooling around behind my spouse's back is cheating on them. Of course, I can't speak for anyone else but myself, much less the OP. And I guess it's a bit harsh to judge someone based on thoughts alone.
And of course, I've never been married. But I'm curious as to the perspective of someone who has been.

If she's seriously considered cheating with a someone she felt close to, then yes you might say she's been "emotionally unfaithful". It's common for people to go online for this as well.

The OP's probably long gone by now.

Wintermute said:

Nicolelt said:

ardour said:

OP wants to have an affair with a women while remaining in a financially stable marriage. Basically using her husband as a utility figure while she gets her satisfaction elsewhere... How could you not feel sorry for the husband in this situation.


Also, how would  it make you feel if your SO asked "Do you mind if I have sex with someone else?" Devastated, probably. It would feel like betrayal in itself.  A really bad idea.

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Agreed. Couldn't say it better myself.

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If I married someone who was bisexual I wouldn't deny them that part of themselves as long as they don't feel the need to do it behind my back, and I know that I am still an important part of their life.

Also polyamory is a thing for some people, so if we are to see homosexuality as an acceptable orientation, why then insist that bisexuals must limit themselves to one side of the spectrum or the other?

Edit: just to make sure no-one tries to read this into my reply: I don't endorse cheating. People in a relationship should be honest and communicate with each other.

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With posts like things you are going to get all sorts of opinions.

I guess if you believe in polygamy sure. And if you and your partner are open to that situation fine. There are all kinds of relationships out there, but this is just not very traditional.

I had friend whose girlfriend was bisexual, and someone asked if he "shared" her. He was like...uhhhh no...that is no different than her being with another guy.

TheRealCallie said:

Might I point out that the OP mentioned she is FAITHFUL to her husband.  That, in itself, kind of implies that there is no open marriage or thoughts about there being one.
But I'm sorry, what does bi, gay, straight, or anything else have anything to do with this?  So she likes girls, as well as men, that makes no difference in a relationship.  She chose to get married to a guy, one that I would assume she loves.  She obviously had her reasons, so that's neither here or there whether she likes another gender.  That would be no different than saying a heterosexual should be free to have sex with other heterosexual people.

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Well sure, if someone feels that dedicating themselves to a single person for the rest of their is too restrictive for them personally they should be free to seek out other people who would accept this about them.

Nicolelt said:

Wintermute said:

Nicolelt said:

ardour said:

OP wants to have an affair with a women while remaining in a financially stable marriage. Basically using her husband as a utility figure while she gets her satisfaction elsewhere... How could you not feel sorry for the husband in this situation.


Also, how would  it make you feel if your SO asked "Do you mind if I have sex with someone else?" Devastated, probably. It would feel like betrayal in itself.  A really bad idea.

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Agreed. Couldn't say it better myself.

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If I married someone who was bisexual I wouldn't deny them that part of themselves as long as they don't feel the need to do it behind my back, and I know that I am still an important part of their life.

Also polyamory is a thing for some people, so if we are to see homosexuality as an acceptable orientation, why then insist that bisexuals must limit themselves to one side of the spectrum or the other?

Edit: just to make sure no-one tries to read this into my reply: I don't endorse cheating. People in a relationship should be honest and communicate with each other.

Click to expand...

With posts like things you are going to get all sorts of opinions.

I guess if you believe in polygamy sure. And if you and your partner are open to that situation fine. There are all kinds of relationships out there, but this is just not very traditional.

I had friend whose girlfriend was bisexual, and someone asked if he "shared" her. He was like...uhhhh no...that is no different than her being with another guy.

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I dated a girl who turned out to be bi for a while (broke up for reasons unrelated to the topic). She pointed out that she didn't want to feel like she was giving up that part of herself by being in a strictly exclusive relationship. Anecdotal evidence and all, so I guess it depends on the individual in question.

For what its worth: I don't think that people should follow tradition simply because its traditional.

Wintermute said:

TheRealCallie said:

Might I point out that the OP mentioned she is FAITHFUL to her husband.  That, in itself, kind of implies that there is no open marriage or thoughts about there being one.
But I'm sorry, what does bi, gay, straight, or anything else have anything to do with this?  So she likes girls, as well as men, that makes no difference in a relationship.  She chose to get married to a guy, one that I would assume she loves.  She obviously had her reasons, so that's neither here or there whether she likes another gender.  That would be no different than saying a heterosexual should be free to have sex with other heterosexual people.

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Well sure, if someone feels that dedicating themselves to a single person for the rest of their is too restrictive for them personally they should be free to seek out other people who would accept this about them.

Nicolelt said:

Wintermute said:

Nicolelt said:

ardour said:

OP wants to have an affair with a women while remaining in a financially stable marriage. Basically using her husband as a utility figure while she gets her satisfaction elsewhere... How could you not feel sorry for the husband in this situation.


Also, how would  it make you feel if your SO asked "Do you mind if I have sex with someone else?" Devastated, probably. It would feel like betrayal in itself.  A really bad idea.

Click to expand...

Agreed. Couldn't say it better myself.

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If I married someone who was bisexual I wouldn't deny them that part of themselves as long as they don't feel the need to do it behind my back, and I know that I am still an important part of their life.

Also polyamory is a thing for some people, so if we are to see homosexuality as an acceptable orientation, why then insist that bisexuals must limit themselves to one side of the spectrum or the other?

Edit: just to make sure no-one tries to read this into my reply: I don't endorse cheating. People in a relationship should be honest and communicate with each other.

Click to expand...

With posts like things you are going to get all sorts of opinions.

I guess if you believe in polygamy sure. And if you and your partner are open to that situation fine. There are all kinds of relationships out there, but this is just not very traditional.

I had friend whose girlfriend was bisexual, and someone asked if he "shared" her. He was like...uhhhh no...that is no different than her being with another guy.

Click to expand...

I dated a girl who turned out to be bi for a while (broke up for reasons unrelated to the topic). She pointed out that she didn't want to feel like she was giving up that part of herself by being in a strictly exclusive relationship. Anecdotal evidence and all, so I guess it depends on the individual in question.

For what its worth: I don't think that people should follow tradition simply because its traditional.

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So did you say "Ok, I'd like to fresia some other women as well, not love them but just sex you know", I wonder if that would have gotten the same reaction as you gave...  I'm not judging or anything, most of us men here like the idea of two women together after all. 

But what I am saying is that just because someone is bisexual it shouldn't be any different from a heterosexual or or homosexual relationship, I would like to believe she would be like "Ok, I have no problem with that", but I bet more often you'd get in trouble for it, why? because today women are led to believe they do us (men) a favour by being bi.... cause we like watching that honeysuckle :|

MisterLonely said:

So did you say "Ok, I'd like to fresia some other women as well, not love them but just sex you know", I wonder if that would have gotten the same reaction as you gave...  I'm not judging or anything, most of us men here like the idea of two women together after all. 

But what I am saying is that just because someone is bisexual it shouldn't be any different from a heterosexual or or homosexual relationship, I would like to believe she would be like "Ok, I have no problem with that", but I bet more often you'd get in trouble for it, why? because today women are led to believe they do us (men) a favour by being bi.... cause we like watching that honeysuckle :|

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No, I would have been quite content with being dedicated to her (though I would think a bit less of her if she were to hook up with another woman purely for sex as I feel that that should follow from having genuine feelings for someone in the first place... I'm not an advocate for casual sex, though what consenting adults get up to outside of my personal life is not for me to judge).

Wintermute said:

MisterLonely said:

So did you say "Ok, I'd like to fresia some other women as well, not love them but just sex you know", I wonder if that would have gotten the same reaction as you gave...  I'm not judging or anything, most of us men here like the idea of two women together after all. 

But what I am saying is that just because someone is bisexual it shouldn't be any different from a heterosexual or or homosexual relationship, I would like to believe she would be like "Ok, I have no problem with that", but I bet more often you'd get in trouble for it, why? because today women are led to believe they do us (men) a favour by being bi.... cause we like watching that honeysuckle :|

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No, I would have been quite content with being dedicated to her (though I would think a bit less of her if she were to hook up with another woman purely for sex as I feel that that should follow from having genuine feelings for someone in the first place... I'm not an advocate for casual sex, though what consenting adults get up to outside of my personal life is not for me to judge).

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So polygamy/polyamory you would be ok with? 

I'm not judging as I myself would see certain benefits to it as well, it would e a lot less pressure on you as the one to complete her.

MisterLonely said:

Wintermute said:

MisterLonely said:

So did you say "Ok, I'd like to fresia some other women as well, not love them but just sex you know", I wonder if that would have gotten the same reaction as you gave...  I'm not judging or anything, most of us men here like the idea of two women together after all. 

But what I am saying is that just because someone is bisexual it shouldn't be any different from a heterosexual or or homosexual relationship, I would like to believe she would be like "Ok, I have no problem with that", but I bet more often you'd get in trouble for it, why? because today women are led to believe they do us (men) a favour by being bi.... cause we like watching that honeysuckle :|

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No, I would have been quite content with being dedicated to her (though I would think a bit less of her if she were to hook up with another woman purely for sex as I feel that that should follow from having genuine feelings for someone in the first place... I'm not an advocate for casual sex, though what consenting adults get up to outside of my personal life is not for me to judge).

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So polygamy/polyamory you would be ok with? 

I'm not judging as I myself would see certain benefits to it as well, it would e a lot less pressure on you as the one to complete her.

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I'd be open to it if that is what she needs to feel complete and while there might be some benefits to such an arrangement I wouldn't be surprised if a polyamorous relationship requires more effort to be viable in comparison to a tradition binary pairing.

Wintermute said:

I'd be open to it if that is what she needs to feel complete and while there might be some benefits to such an arrangement I wouldn't be surprised if a polyamorous relationship requires more effort to be viable in comparison to a tradition binary pairing.

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Indeed.
It is more trouble than it's worth. It's also unstable. I do believe most people once they reach a certain point in their lives look for stability. My personal experience has shown me that more than two people are more often than not a crowd. And completely destabilizing.
Even if you ca control how you view and live the relationship to a satisfactory measure, it isn't necessarily the case with other people no matter their assurances. But I guess it really does depends more on the personality of the individuals rather than the situation itself.
In view of that, I didn't really see much benefit to it.

Richard_39 said:

Wintermute said:

I'd be open to it if that is what she needs to feel complete and while there might be some benefits to such an arrangement I wouldn't be surprised if a polyamorous relationship requires more effort to be viable in comparison to a tradition binary pairing.

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Indeed.
It is more trouble than it's worth. It's also unstable. I do believe most people once they reach a certain point in their lives look for stability. My personal experience has shown me that more than two people are more often than not a crowd. And completely destabilizing.
Even if you ca control how you view and live the relationship to a satisfactory measure, it isn't necessarily the case with other people no matter their assurances. But I guess it really does depends more on the personality of the individuals rather than the situation itself.
In view of that, I didn't really see much benefit to it.

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You are both now giving your opinion, which is true for no one else but yourself of course, when someone who isn't able to deal with a situation like that "commits" to one it will be doomed to fail, or at least doomed to ring lots of drama and emotional hurt.

However if any number of people without those reservations were to get together, I could see it as being a "lower stress" situation, as you and your partners have variety in their sexlife, you have distance from the same person without them having to e alone or feel bad and there is less stress from having to be the one that brings joy and happiness to your partners life. 

I also get that it is not something that would work for most people, I don't think I could do it myself, of course never been in a situation to find out for sure either.

MisterLonely said:

You are both now giving your opinion, which is true for no one else but yourself of course,

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Hehe, but of course ;-)
My only venture into that particular world turned into a fiasco that cost me a relationship in the end, not to mention other more psychological consequences.
HOWEVER, if that works for some people, more power to them. I'd never dream of telling anyone how they're supposed to handle their sex lives, no matter what I think about it. I'm a big defender in people being allowed to do whatever they want, no matter how bright or dumb it may be. One of Life's great priviliges ;-)

That being said, while I've heard of situation where these work, I've as of yet never heard of a situation where it's worked for an extended period of time or as a stable relationship. One well publicized example is Charlie Sheen...that went well lol.
I do believe it needs to be handled in a certain manner and assembling all the elements to make it work is much more daunting and offers less guarantees of stability than traditional pairings.
Ironically, I think "selfless" comes to mind even more in these types of relationships than traditional ones, because you're dealing with feelings (one assumes the relationship is more than sexual in nature) of three people instead of just two. Granted though, rewards are probably augmented by a factor of 33% ;-)

Wintermute said:

MisterLonely said:

So did you say "Ok, I'd like to fresia some other women as well, not love them but just sex you know", I wonder if that would have gotten the same reaction as you gave...  I'm not judging or anything, most of us men here like the idea of two women together after all. 

But what I am saying is that just because someone is bisexual it shouldn't be any different from a heterosexual or or homosexual relationship, I would like to believe she would be like "Ok, I have no problem with that", but I bet more often you'd get in trouble for it, why? because today women are led to believe they do us (men) a favour by being bi.... cause we like watching that honeysuckle :|

Click to expand...

No, I would have been quite content with being dedicated to her (though I would think a bit less of her if she were to hook up with another woman purely for sex as I feel that that should follow from having genuine feelings for someone in the first place... I'm not an advocate for casual sex, though what consenting adults get up to outside of my personal life is not for me to judge).

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The theme here being that while okay for women to expect monogamy, it's somehow "oppressive" for men expect it (particularly with, but not restricted to, instances when their partner is bisexual).

Bisexuality doesn't mean promiscuity... that just sounds like an excuse to me. To be attracted and willing to get physical with different genders doesn't mean you're required to regularly get physical with both to feel fullfiled.
If a bisexual woman is walking down the street with her boyfriend and starts checking out other women, he has the same right to be pissed off as she has if he does it.

If anyone feels unfulfilled in a monogamous relationship - leave, and find an arrangement that works for you with people that are willing to get in one of those arrangements... don't make people who signed up for a monogamous relationship to change and feel like the selfish ******* that won't budge. And, most of all, don't pretend like everything is A-OK because of some openness towards physical attraction while cheating and lying to your husband.

Kamya makes a great point. Willing to cheat to feel better about yourself while ignoring the honest way to deal with this because it's easier than finding themselves the arrangement that works while working their asses off to get some financial stability independently... That's being a selfish ************ and quite possibly a way worse version of a gold-digger. I'd feel sorry for that breathing ATM too.